When I think of myself as a child, I remember a happy girl who danced and sang in front of the mirror. Life was beautiful and I felt that everything was a great opportunity to be able to unfold my full potential
Time passed and certain interactions with my family, at my school, and with some friends, turned off the light on many of the activities that I was excited about. At home, for example, they always recognized my academic aptitude and good behavior, but they also stressed to me that sports were not my thing. In the neighborhood where we lived, the popular girls played hockey and tennis, but I got so nervous in the few classes I took in both disciplines that even the coaches got tired of me and discouraged me from continuing.
Little by little I began to believe the story that I did not have any type of physical coordination. I began to withdraw every time my friends got together to play sports and I dedicated myself to my studies. The conclusion I drew is that I was never going to be a popular girl and that I had to seek acceptance from others by being good and diligent.
What I figured out were limiting beliefs. These beliefs are all the ideas about ourselves that we form and that instead of expanding, they shrink us and condition us when we try to develop freely.
It is not usually easy to discover our limiting beliefs, what is most common to detect is the symptom or discomfort. A first step is to start observing the behaviors that keep us stuck or passive in our comfort zone.
Think about the times when, instead of taking action on an important matter, you did nothing for fear of rejection or ridicule. On the surface, that behavior may have been justified as shyness or introversion. Behind this behavior, there is surely a limiting belief that prompted you not to act, even when it was something you needed. Limiting beliefs feel so real that we don’t even question them.
Unfortunately, We identify with them so much that they begin to define us
This is how we go through life, convinced that we do not have what it takes to do this or that, and we become conditioned to do what is most familiar, comfortable, or safe for us.
self sabotage
The painful thing about limiting beliefs is not only that they prevent us from growing, but that they often we compensate them with actions that limit us even more
I have a client who shared with me how difficult it was for her to pass exams when she was little. Over the years she improved, and today she feels relatively satisfied academically. However, she has a challenge that we are working on. When she meets with her colleagues she feels that others always have something more intelligent to contribute to the debate. In the presence of her peers, she doubts herself, so she either becomes paralyzed or is helpful to others and unable to take care of her own energy.
Another of my clients is an excellent professional, but he feels that he does not know how to present himself to sell his services. What is his defense mechanism? He works until he’s tired, he has perfectionist tendencies that overwhelm him, and he becomes quite obsessed with everything he has to do. So much excess in his professional work prevents him from developing the resources he needs to meet his needs and make himself known.
How to detect our limiting beliefs? Where are you from?
Pay attention to the stories you tell yourself and how you tell yourself These types of beliefs are often formulated in the negative, as in, “I’m not good at mathematics” and therefore are easier to discover. However, there are others that have a negative connotation but are formulated in the affirmative, such as, “I am socially awkward.”
What I can highlight most from my experience is that most beliefs are rooted in two primordial fears:
Examples of limiting beliefs:
These could be classified into three large groups:
Deficiencies that we believe we have Examples:
“I’m not handsome/intelligent/popular/nice enough.”
“I’m too old/young to…”
“I don’t have the soul of a leader”
“I don’t have the drive/strength/confidence.”
“The train of love has already passed for me”
Fear of what people will say or how others will react Examples:
“I have to be nice to be loved.”
“If I set limits, they won’t love me”
“Authority is not questioned”
Lack of possibilities or problems in the world and in the culture where we operate Examples:
“It is impossible for someone like me to succeed in this world”
“I was born in the wrong culture”
“The studies/work that I am passionate about are not valued in this society”
What can you do when you find yourself trapped in your own limiting beliefs?
Write, record, or draw everything you do or don’t do regarding the issue that frustrates, paralyzes, or overwhelms you.
Write down the reasons why you act or stop acting with what generates an internal conflict. Don’t edit it, allow yourself to flow.
Pause, feel, and question the veracity of what you have written, recorded, or drawn. Just because you feel something is real doesn’t make it true.
Ask yourself honestly if these beliefs are actually preventing you from exposing yourself, trying, or feeling challenging emotions. Has acting like this helped you?
Remember that we are not victims. Being an adult brings with it the responsibility to act. Challenge your resistance to leaving your comfort zone.
Reframe what you tell yourself. For example, just because I wasn’t good at hockey or tennis doesn’t mean I wasn’t good at anything. For years I have been doing yoga, dancing, hiking and cycling proficiently.
Talk to a professional about this topic and ask them to help you see the root cause of what is happening to you, question yourself, and adopt an empowering mindset.
We may have lived many years limiting ourselves, but when the veils fall and we wake up from the trance that has limited us, our capacity for growth is immeasurable. The challenge is to dare to take back our power one day at a time.
