Today is a special day, the great moment to conquer that great project for which you have worked so hard. You wake up with great excitement and, although nervous, you know that you are going to achieve it.
Suddenly, when you pour your coffee, you spill it on yourself. When trying to clean your clothes, you bend over and hit your head on the kitchen cabinet, which results in a big bump. You must go up to change your clothes and heal the blow. By the time you finish it’s already too late. There is no way to arrive on time, you have missed the great opportunity. Bad luck? Chance?
Self sabotage is a conscious or unconscious behavior that distances us from success and happiness in our lives It can appear in the form of paralyzing nerves or with behaviors that divert us from the goal we have in a subtle way, which seems like bad luck or an invisible force that does not allow us to move forward.
If you have experienced this situation and want to change it, you can start by being compassionate with yourself. Being compassionate is very different from feeling sorry. Being compassionate is recognizing that you are in a certain situation and that you can choose to give yourself the opportunity to live a process to learn and get out of it. The suggestion is to be kind to yourself and have patience to find the solution
One of the factors that makes self-sabotage difficult to overcome is that it is lodged in our beliefs. Our experiences shape a perception of the world, which takes advantage of self-sabotage to justify its actions.
An example
Imagine that you enroll in a public speaking course When you arrive at your first class you meet classmates who have already had some training. Although they are not experts, they have enough bases to speak fluently.
The podium and even more so the microphone imposes on you. When you finally get up, you get stuck, you babble and this makes you even more nervous because you can’t finish. An objective thought should tell you “it is logical that this has happened to me, it is the first time I have done this and this is a new group of people.” Far from thinking like that, you feel ashamed.
Taking advantage of the situation, your self-saboteur has taken note and created a story that will be his lethal weapon: the main theme is the ridiculous superlative you just made. Decorate the drama by emphasizing the few opportunities you have and the little judgment you had to expose yourself to something this extreme.
As you can see, your saboteur is neither generous nor loving. On the contrary, he is ruthless and cruel and bases everything on exaggeration. What’s going on? You decide not to return to the course and adopt the belief that you do not know how to speak in public and that you will never be able to do it well.
That is how self-sabotage is nested in each of our beliefs Therefore, trying to drive our lives toward success becomes challenging. Over time, a pattern is created that discourages the possibilities of trying new things and jumping towards the success we are looking for. We begin to gravitate towards demerit.
What are the causes?
Some reasons why a person resorts to self-sabotage are:
What are the most common forms of self-sabotage?
It is common to think that sabotage is foreign to us, but surely these three ways in which it occurs may be familiar to you.
1. Procrastination
It has its origin in the fear of disappointing others, of failing or ironically of succeeding For this reason, the delivery of results is postponed again and again and success is preferred to be left for later.
2. Perfectionism
It is a practice to review the same project over and over again In this way it becomes an endless task that will always be in a cycle of continuous improvement without end. Over time, this condition leads to a feeling of shame and depression when we feel that those who trusted in our ability were disappointed.
3. Substance intake
The adverse feelings of self-sabotage invite people to consume alcohol, drugs or medications that momentarily give them a false sense of well-being.
What can you do then?
Keep these guidelines in mind.
1. Identify if our self-sabotage is conscious or unconscious.
You achieve this by listening to your thoughts. What do you tell yourself? Also through an analysis of your beliefs When you engage in a new activity, how do you perceive yourself? What do you think about your mistakes or failing in the process? How do you perceive failure?
2. A more complicated process to identify is the fear of happiness
This point encompasses many conscious and unconscious factors, so Sometimes the support of a therapist is advisable With their support you will find the path to improvement to detonate the conditions and propel your life to success. Self-sabotage of your happiness can be the result of a significant loss, deep pain, or even a traumatic experience. Treating any of these causes will make a significant difference in your life.
3. Analyze if we experience elements such as boredom or find ourselves immersed in toxic relationships
Both can be symptoms of sabotage that seek to stimulate a feeling of numbness to anesthetize the pain and distract attention from the discomfort.
4. Identify patterns in your life
By discovering repetitive behaviors that stop your growth, you can define a personal improvement program.
5. Set realistic goals
These should be goals that allow you see where you want to go and be realistic in the steps to take to reach that great goal Patience and objectivity are key to recognizing that you are moving there but that getting there takes time, effort and probably making mistakes and trying again.
In conclusion
Be compassionate with yourself. We can all be standing in a field of sabotage.
To identify where you are there is a powerful question you can ask yourself. What is stopping me from taking action to make my dreams come true? Be honest when answering this question and you will find the root causes.
You have the power of choice to move forward in your life. Embrace determination and self-acceptance as the best antidotes to self-sabotage. At the end of the day you are already on the great and precious journey of life. Isn’t it better to enjoy it and go far?
