How many times have we heard expressions like “that’s who I am, you already knew me”, “I’m just being honest” or “we are nothing, we have no commitment”? These are some common examples of interactions in which the person saying them has a lot of options to be functioning outside of your emotional responsibility
Although the concept of emotional responsibility can be complex to define, it could be easily understood through the expression “taking charge.” A person will be functioning from a high emotional responsibility when you take charge of the emotional impact and expectations that your interactions are generating or have generated in other people with which you relate, have related or will relate in the future.
In this way, operating from this formula could range from honestly communicating to a job candidate that it is not the profile we are looking for (instead of showing positive feedback and never calling), to telling a person that We do not feel the same about him or her after a period in which we have gotten to know each other.
Affective responsibility is applicable in any interaction in any area of our lives; nevertheless, It is especially relevant in the area of the couple (regardless of whether we are looking for a partner, have non-committal affairs, form a stable long-term monogamous couple, have built a polyamorous unit or want to break a bond).
To give us an idea, some examples of low emotional responsibility are ghosting, combining several emotional relationships without other people knowing, hiding relevant information about our feelings about the relationship or not being clear about the rules of the relationship we share.
In this way, taking charge of the bonds we generate, accepting and understanding that our interactions generate emotions and expectations, even in the case in which they are not reciprocal, and functioning with empathy, consideration, assertiveness and active coping are the basis of the vertex of the good treatment that is emotional responsibility.
In addition to the concept of empathy, there is another one that can help us understand what it means to take emotional responsibility: the mentalization process That is, keep minds in mind. When apart from our mind with its emotions, thoughts and needs, we also have the minds of other people on the radar, we will be on the path.
Applying emotional responsibility to relationships
A maxim of emotional responsibility is to be clear and consistent with our intentions and emotions Transfer to the other people with whom we interact what we feel and what we do not, manage our emotions so as not to be lurching in our positioning and in this way, be able to destabilize the other person or people with our doubts or our process. unresolved management; and above all, not saying one thing and then doing another, are fundamental keys.
So, does functioning from emotional responsibility mean that we can’t change our minds? Not at all, of course we have the right to change our mind. Taking responsibility will only require that we do not justify acting in any way without taking into account the impact this may have on the other person.
Without a doubt, the emotional responsibility It has a lot to do with communication When we are clear and honest about what we feel, want and need, we are undoubtedly on the right path. But let’s not confuse sincerity with unfiltered communication or sincericide, since in that case, we will not be “taking charge” and therefore, we will not be functioning from authentic emotional responsibility.
An important key to keep in mind is the difference between emotional responsibility and taking responsibility for the emotions of the other people with whom we connect The main difference is that when we take responsibility for other people’s emotions, the focus of attention is on the other, we disconnect from our own needs and emotions and prevent the other person from managing themselves from a different approach. of condescension or overprotection; However, when we function from emotional responsibility, the dynamic approach is horizontal, full management and decision-making capacity is granted to the other person, and the focus is (also) on our emotions and needs.
There are many authors who indicate that only when we are emotionally responsible can we generate stable, satisfactory bonds based on good treatment, and the reality is that a relational functioning based on emotional responsibility brings us closer to empathy, mutual care, honesty, consideration, assertive communication and relational horizontality, compared to the unilaterality, lack of clarity, manipulation and hierarchization of ties that we approach in the opposite case.
There are those who say that today we function with less emotional responsibility than ever. I will simply say that People make decisions that define us every day and that this is a very good criterion to take into account to build good treatment, coherence and well-being in our relationships, whatever type they may be.
