I Am Straight And I Have Fallen In Love With Someone Of The Opposite Sex Who Is Homosexual
Platonic loves are common, but what happens if you fall in love with a person of the opposite sex who is homosexual? Today I explain what you can do in this situation.
Who has never had a platonic love? Most people suffer at some point in their lives. impossible love, falling in love with someone who doesn’t correspond to you or who you think doesn’t correspond to you because there never ends up being anything between you. Especially adolescence is a time where platonic loves are usually more present, perhaps because it is an age in which falling in love is mixed with the rush of hormones, or because one does not have such developed social skills, so daring to show your interest is something that is not always done.
But what if we add another factor? What happens if you have fallen in love with a person of the opposite sex who is gay or lesbian? Here things get complicated, since it makes love much more unattainable. You can even become their best friend, suffer every time they tell you about their adventures, be their accomplice, advise them, etc. In fact, many times the friendship between a boy and a girl tends to be somewhat difficult because it is quite common for one of the two to get confused, but when one of the two is homosexual, apparently that problem disappears, and the relationship is much more natural, there is more affection and is shown more openly; Overall, no one is going to misinterpret anything… or so we believe.
All of this makes you feel closer, hoping that one day something in him/her will wake up and realize that you are made for each other. But that day never comes, and that causes you terrible suffering.
In fact, surely on some occasion your “good vibes” will have led you to seemingly fun or crazy situations such as pretending that you are a couple and even giving each other the occasional innocent kiss in pursuit of this goal. Your gay/lesbian friend will simply be avoiding revealing her sexual orientation but for you that game is feed more illusion and fantasy of a possible future together.
Then the dilemma appears, to tell him or not to tell him. Saying it fulfills the function of hope. If you tell him it is because perhaps you think or hope that he realizes that what he feels is not friendship, he takes off the blindfold and you can be together. But if you tell them, there is also the possibility of losing them because they can distance themselves from you to avoid doing you more harm. Only you have that decision. You know if you should do it or not, but if you don’t see any indication that there could be something more than a friendship, the solution is to fight to fall out of love.
What can you do to overcome this type of platonic love?
Accept the situation: The sooner you stop fighting and accept that what exists will not get any worse, the better for you. As long as your attitude is to try to make him/her notice, flirt, always be there, be the one who has the most details to conquer him/her, etc., you will continue in constant suffering. Accepting that it cannot be, accepting the loss, is the first step to overcoming grief. Think that what you have to develop is a grief similar to that of a breakup, only without there having been anything previously.
Express your feelings: Talk to friends or family about what’s happening to you. Vent to someone. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, write down everything that happens to you as if you were saying it to someone else. First you have to empty everything you have inside in some way, so don’t hold back.
Remove social networks from your routine: When you are in love with a platonic love, it is quite common to harass and demolish their social networks, hours of WhatsApp connection and even see if it matches when they are online and when other people are online. That is to say, it is common to get bad blood. Try to occupy your time with other issues. Watching every step he takes won’t help you get through it. Here you have to have willpower and force yourself not to do it. To do this, remove social networks from your mobile phone and tablet, make it more difficult so that it is not an impulsive response but rather you can think about it more.
Prevent your day from thinking about that person: Surely you have other things to do in your day. When you are working, focus on your tasks, if you are at home preparing your tupperware, focus on what you are doing, if you are watching television, try to pay attention to what you see. Occupy your mind in the here and now, that is, in the task you are doing. That way, the other person will take up less time in your mind. Also, every time it crosses your mind, try to push it away from your thoughts with a mantra phrase like: “it’s an impossible story, accept it.”
Be realistic, stop idolizing him/her: When we fall in love we tend to see the other person in an unreal way. We only see her virtues and ignore all her defects. Seeing him/her that way makes it impossible to fall out of love, so try to value everything you don’t like about the other person, come down to earth. It’s not about trying to hate him/her now, but about being more realistic. Additionally, value everything in which you are incompatible, things in which you clash. That way she won’t be that perfect person you think she is.
Fill your day with activities and meet other people: It’s not about distancing yourself from him/her, but if your social circle is narrow, it’s harder to forget about someone. Try to expand your hobbies and if it means meeting new people, don’t be afraid. Be open to meeting kids, breathing fresh air and being open to having fun with other people.
Finally, I would like to comment that It is essential that you give yourself time. No one overcomes an impossible love overnight. Don’t punish yourself, accept the situation and allow yourself some time until you recover.
