It’s just as important learn to listen You have to learn to speak and there will be no effective communication if you don’t know how to listen. People tend to think that “communicate” means “knowing how to speak” when in reality it means understanding each other., hence the importance of active listening.
To do this, it is necessary to practice the following:
Keep eye contact with a facial expression of interest and attention.
Give signs listening with non-verbal communication.
Not judge listen uncritically without making value judgments.
Do summaries of what the other person is telling you.
Identify the time when it is appropriate for us to speak.
Don’t jump into answering: Think about what we want to say
2. Demonstrate empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand how another person thinks and feels without it being necessary to agree with them or get involved in their situation. The key to it is recognition. This does not imply conformity or disagreement, nor a solution to the problem, nor a decision, action or advice.
We dictate to each other those laws that govern our particular worlds and we fall into recriminations and anger because things do not turn out as we would like them to be, which has nothing to do with it necessarily having to be that way. If we take this into account we can begin to not impose our desires on others and begin to ask taking into account that they are about our aspirations or needs From the “I” we can:
Explain our feelings
Ask what we want.
Express our opinions.
And we will do it speaking from the ‘I’: “My opinion is…”, “I do not agree with…”, “I feel disappointed”, “I am happy…”, For me this is… for you it is…, “I would like…” (The axis of what we express focuses on ourselves instead of on the other as we do when using “You should do…”, “You are not right…”, “You have failed me”, etc., where we focus on “YOU” without remembering that we are entering a plot that does not belong to us).
4. Discover your own thoughts and feelings
Ellis’ ABC model explains how our thoughts and emotions They depend on the interpretation we make of the events that occur in reality. If our interpretations are very distorted, they will lead us to mistakes in communication with others.
5. Be aware of non-verbal communication
From everything discussed regarding gestural communication, it is important to highlight the need for congruence between what is said and the expression and gestures that accompany it. Generally we will achieve congruence in the message if we behave authentically, feeling and respecting our own being and empathizing and respecting the world of the other.
Our opinions, desires, decisions may be right or wrong, better or worse, but what is not a matter of discussion is that we have the right to have them
Explaining what happens to one instead of unloading on anyone, shows that we are exercising our right to have and express our feelings but that we are not denying or trampling on the rights of others, creating in them feelings of guilt, fear, etc.
