Do you feel like your relationship is not on the right track? Do you think you can love each other in a better way? Discover what couples therapies consist of and how they can help you.
A famous saying says “Loving each other is not looking at each other, it is looking both in the same direction”therefore collaboration and the common objective must be the basis to recover the way of relating that has been lost. Here we will give some examples of the strategies that have proven effective in achieving these objectives.
The couple problems They generally occur due to wear and tear and complaints from one or both members of the couple, and may be due to causes within the couple (sexual problems) or causes external to the couple (difficult relationships with the extended family).
From here we present a method that consists of a structured and observed interaction where communication and empathy skills are developed for conflict resolution
The goal of couples therapy is that both members feel better after completing the therapy, an objective that is undoubtedly achievable after carrying out the personal growth work that is carried out in parallel with couples therapy…
The definition of the problem is to identify the objective that each member of the couple has with therapy. Excluding facing goals such as winning, revenge, or harm.
Two phases must be clearly differentiated: the problem definition phase and the solution phase without mixing them. When it is defined it is not try to provide a solution or vice versa We must keep in mind that it is not about going back to the past or complaining but about defining the problem. Defining the problem includes the following elements:
1. Positive phrase
In this phase, what is in the relationship and what works is indicated, differentiating it from what is relatively important.
2. Description of toxic behaviors
You have to be specific and reach specific behaviors, avoiding at all times the disqualification of the person focusing on the evaluation of behavior, avoiding words like “always” or “everything” that are false and disqualifying.
3. Exemplify bad behavior
The consequences that this behavior has and the feelings that it provokes. The members of the couple must reach agreement in reference to the behaviors they have caused the problems the topics and behaviors to be discussed are therefore defined and agreed upon.
4. Learn to listen
It is necessary to learn that “Listening is not waiting for our turn to speak, but listening is paying attention to and understanding what our partner wants to tell us, not only with words, but also with non-verbal expressions.” This is what we call active listening
Identify the problems and treat them one by one, without mixing.
Don’t make inferences , talk about what is observed, omitting the aspects that we consider real but are not observable. We must avoid making judgments assuming the intentions and objectives of the other.
How are problems solved in couples therapy?
When the problem definition is reached, we move to the solution phase.
1. Focus on the solution
The couple should not return to the approach on a recurring basis. To do this we will hold a brainstorming session to rediscover the aspects that united the couple
2. We must identify and create a roadmap
Identify the behaviors to avoid and those that we want to encourage to nourish the relationship. Just as a change in a piece on the chess board changes the course of a game, changes in the people’s behaviors They essentially modify your circumstance.
Assertiveness is a model of strategic communication where, respecting one’s own and others’ rights, an intermediate circumstance arises from which one’s own desires and feelings emerge without being hurtful to the other person.
4. Perform exercises at home
You have to dedicate time to carrying out activities and rebuilding the couple developing a positive and constructive attitude in order to achieve the goal of maintaining a healthy relationship.
Negotiation and collaboration is the essence of Problem resolution , an aspect well known in the growing family mediation. The willingness to make others happier is essential to be successful.
