Today I published this article in which I explain how in our culture we learn to reflect and reason, but we are not taught to feel and listen to ourselves.
In childhood, from the earliest age, they try to explain things to us so that we understand them. Our parents make efforts so that we learn from mistakes, understand what they tell us, acquire knowledge… At school we learn information and knowledge, they stimulate us to develop our intellect and use our most rational part. Problems are solved with the head, thinking, analyzing, finding rational solutions.
During that time, we develop thought and mind as guides for our behavior and our life. So the result is people who use their heads to make decisions, and accumulate knowledge. And that, explained like this, seems correct. The Age of Knowledge It is known and the paradigm of many people.
At the same time, and in relation to the same paradigm, boys and girls are educated to do things. You have to do your homework, do extracurricular activities, you have to learn languages, play musical instruments… Demonstrate skills in the more disciplines the better. And in adulthood, the same thing, you have to work a lot, get involved in many projects, be ambitious, have a good position, continue learning languages, travel, do many activities, be very active and always active… And in the case If so many activities cannot be carried out, if it is due to work, having a good salary, the assessment is even better. Thus, the Age of Knowledge is directly related to the Age of Doing and the Age of Having. The more you know (studies and training in general), the more you work (successful professional career) and the more you earn (salary as an element of value), the greater social value you will obtain.
However, humans We are not only mind Human beings are more complex. Religions talk about body, mind and soul. There is the mind, a central element in our Western societies. The body is beginning to have its weight, given that more and more people try to take care of themselves by doing physical activity and eating what makes them feel better. Well-being is even promoted with Yoga or meditation, halfway between taking care of body and mind. And the spiritual part, the soul, exists for some people, for others it doesn’t.
What the different perspectives agree on is that human beings we have the ability to feel, although this capacity is ignored in the education received. As we have already commented on other occasions, no one teaches us about feelings. We are not taught in school, where emotions and feelings are not taken into account in an absolutely reflective and rational education.
Why don’t we feel?
Often in the family, we tend to ask boys and girls not to cry, not to get angry, not to be sad… Nor are we congratulated for good things. The obligation to do, to know, to comply with what is established, makes let’s not learn to value what we have nor rejoice in it. So many people also do not know how to have joy, to share it in the face of the gains, the achievements they achieve. These emotions are not validated, we grow up feeling that we do not have to be afraid or we do not have to cry, we do not learn to be happy about what happens to us… However, they are all functional and necessary emotions (I have already written about it before, to What are joy, sadness, fear and anger?
Even in many families there is no talk of love, the love they feel for each other, which is generally inevitable. But, although it should be unconditional, it is not. Love or the withdrawal of love is shown according to the behavior of the little boy or girl… He or she is asked to do things to feel loved, and he or she only looks for that, and will do what they ask of him or her to achieve it… In short, not only It is not explained what feelings and emotions are, but are often denied or used for manipulation or emotional blackmail. Our reason is not enough, relationships with other people generate feelings and emotions that we must learn to manage…
Consequently, we learn not to understand what we feel not to share it, even to be scared of it We learn not to want to feel afraid, angry, or sad, for not having learned their meaning… We learn to do things to feel loved, even if it is not what we really want… We learn not to value the good things that happen to us. They happen, just focus on what is not so good or what did not go so well. Because the good, such as achievements at work, good grades, everything we achieve with effort is an obligation and there is no room for celebration.
Even as we are thinking beings, we believe that we are our thoughts, we identify with them, giving them central importance in our lives. And our thinking deceives us, it makes us feel bad about things that have not happened, we are afraid because we anticipate reactions, we get angry because we believe we know what others think and their intentions… We provoke feelings and emotions, which are not adaptive. , since there is no external stimulus that generates them, but our own thinking, conditioned by the fear of feeling what we have. To break with all that, we must change the paradigm, we can talk about the Age of Being.
How to stop being afraid of feeling?
The being deserves love simply for being, regardless of doing, knowing or having The being is worth it by itself, the being feels and not only listens to its thoughts. He receives an education where self-esteem is reinforced, the person is valued with his virtues and defects. You are given the opportunity to learn from mistakes to improve. Joys are celebrated, sharing them. Emotions and feelings are legitimized. It is comforted so that the person understands that it is normal to feel, and that they must learn to understand themselves to respect themselves and do everything they can to feel good about themselves.
The being is connected to what it feels and tries to understand what happens to it from a broader perspective. Not everything is thought. He feeling and emotion They must be heard and taken into account in decision making. It is valuable information that we are systematically ignoring because it scares us, or we do not understand it, or we have learned wrong ways of interpreting it.
From this perspective, feeling and emotion do not cause fear, they provide information, as does acquired knowledge. Therefore, in the Age of Being, we take into account much more than what we think, know… We feel and know that it is necessary, functional and adaptive. Most adults I know are afraid of feeling to a greater or lesser extent. And they all have preconceived ideas about feelings and emotions. With adequate emotional learning, we will avoid many unnecessary depressions, anxiety and pain. We should not avoid feeling, but we can avoid suffering
