How To Deal With Unchosen Loneliness? 6 Practical Tips

Loneliness is one of the most common forms of discomfort, and in certain sectors of the population, such as the elderly, it has become a generalized epidemic. That is why this is one of the most frequent reasons for consultation among those who go to psychotherapy.

If unchosen loneliness is a problem that significantly affects you in your daily life, keep reading ; Here you will find tips to combat it and have a rich and satisfying social life.

What do we understand by loneliness in Psychology?

The term “loneliness” is widely used in popular language, and that is why it is often used in very loose ways without being very clear about the limits of the concept to which it refers.

That is why, in the field of psychology, when we talk about loneliness, in the vast majority of cases we refer to something more precise: a set of mental states and habits and behavioral patterns that feed a feeling of discomfort related to loneliness. with the lack of a meaningful connection with other people.

So here We will talk about a loneliness of a more emotional nature, that is, it does not have so much to do with the number of people with whom someone interacts neutral or positive (pleasant) during the day to day, but with the quality of those relationships, the degree of well-being and emotional and/or intellectual stimulation that they generate.

Between the elements that make up the degree to which a person feels alone it is worth highlighting the following:

In short, in psychology, loneliness is not synonymous with social isolation among other things because there are those who enjoy spending a lot of time socially isolated and the activities they can do on their own eclipse any outbreak of feeling of loneliness, and on the other hand, because the concept of social isolation does not include as many nuances as the ones we just discussed to see

What is unchosen loneliness?

When loneliness is very intense, it produces significant discomfort that often requires intervention through psychotherapy. However, loneliness is not always unchosen loneliness

For example, there are people who choose to get involved in projects or ways of life that encourage the appearance of loneliness, but that at the same time provide other incentives and sources of satisfaction that make these individuals someone capable of experiencing happiness. It happens with some people who begin a very difficult university career, or who because of the work they enjoy must be traveling constantly (let’s remember that feeling alone does not mean never meeting new people or not having frequent conversations).

However, In practice, this balance is precarious and difficult to maintain while taking care of one’s own mental health: as time passes, this way of experiencing everyday life “burns a lot” and in most cases there comes a point where it is not worth it and unchosen loneliness appears. The latter is precisely what the name suggests: a life experience in which the person is unable to establish meaningful connections with other individuals capable of becoming important in their life.

So, There are three main types of unchosen loneliness:

How to face and overcome unchosen loneliness?

These are several of the key ideas to keep in mind to leave this type of discomfort behind.

1. Make a list of between six and eight causes that you think are behind your loneliness

Try to do it thinking about the present and avoiding detecting possible causes that occurred many years ago or that even date back to your childhood.

You don’t have to do it in one sitting. If you want, carry a small notebook with you and jot down ideas over a day or two. Then, order these causes from most important to least important, thinking only about your case.

• You may be interested: “Self-knowledge: definition and 8 tips to improve it”

2. Divide the causes into two categories: internal factors and external factors

It is not the same to notice that our shyness makes it difficult for us when it comes to making new friends, as to notice that it is difficult for us to make new friends because work takes up all of our time. In one case we are talking about psychological factors that we can explain by analyzing the way you behave in almost all contexts of your life, and in the other, it is a circumstantial aspect and closely related to your way of life, your socioeconomic situation, etc. . Appreciating these differences will help you refine your approach when proposing solutions.

So that, Divide the elements of your list into two columns, and make each of them maintain the order of importance of each of these causes.

• Related article: “What is locus of control?”

3. Select at least one cause from each of the two categories and think about solutions

The ideal is that you do it by proposing solutions to the most important causes, but you have to be realistic and some of them may seem impossible to solve on your own. If so, instead of proposing solutions to one of the important ones, propose them to two of the less important ones.

4. Set goals for the next four weeks

The challenge of achieving these goals must have a clear beginning and end, and this journey should include several sub-goals along the way, so don’t leave everything to the last minute. Furthermore, the objectives to be achieved must consist of actions that you are going to take, not the reaction of the people with whom you will interact, since you cannot control the latter.

For example, don’t consider being accepted by a group that interests you, consider establishing a line of communication with those people, letting them see your interest in them, and testing the waters to see if they suit you or fit with you.

• Related article: “Personal Development: 5 reasons for self-reflection”

5. Strengthen your communication skills and exposure to people compatible with you

A wide variety of actions and strategies are included here, so we cannot list them all and many of them you may not use because you do not need them. However, as a little advice, keep these ideas in mind:

• Take advantage of the potential of the Internet to find people with your hobbies, but invest more time in those relationships that you can transfer to the non-virtual realm.
• Don’t assume that you have to like others to have their attention and gain acceptance; By showing your own judgment and critical sense you can make others want to like you.
• If you are afraid of meeting new people, lose it gradually, without exposing yourself too much from the first moment, but making clear progress.
• If you have never organized your time throughout the week, doing so will surely give you more hours to dedicate to your social life.

6. If you notice that it is difficult for you, go to psychotherapy

You don’t have to have a psychological disorder to go to therapy problems due to loneliness are part of the problems most commonly treated in the consultation of a psychologist.

• Related article: “The 8 benefits of going to psychological therapy”

Do you want to have professional psychological assistance and support?

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