How To Find A Partner Without Getting Frustrated In The Process
We are relational beings and we are programmed to bond with our peers. Hence, many people, although it does not happen to all of them or with the same intensity, feel a strong desire to find a person with whom they can share their daily lives. If this doesn’t happen the way we would like, it can be really frustrating.
In this article we will focus on some important aspects to take into account if we want find a partner and not get too frustrated along the way. To do this, we will address the specifics of the process (and what may be failing) and talk about topics such as expectations, the tools to use, and the importance of self-care.
Understanding that the process usually takes time and requires self-knowledge
Many people suffer daily because they would like to have a partner and they don’t have one. There are many aspects that interfere with the bonding process between human beings. These range from the individual, passing through those characteristic elements of the other person and reaching the pressure we receive at a social or cultural level,
In this sense, One of the great myths that revolve around relationships is “love at first sight.”. Frequently, we receive the message that when we meet “the ideal person” we will immediately feel a crush. It is important to keep in mind that, although this can happen on some occasions, relationships must be built with conscious work on both sides and time to get to know each other.
An aspect that is not mentioned so frequently in the process of finding a partner is the importance of work at an individual level. In this sense, it is crucial that each person can understand how they relate to others in the same way that it is essential that they be clear about their needs and their limits, as well as their expectations.
Questions like “what is important to me in a partner?”, “what do I expect from a partner and what am I willing to give?”, “why is it so important for me to have a partner right now?”, “ “What aspects are essential for me in a couple?” and “what are my non-negotiable boundaries in a relationship?” They can be very useful.
Finally, Reflecting on events that made our previous relationships not work can help us. when it comes to also considering how to start or search for them. In this sense, it is important to be able to recognize and assume one’s own responsibility in the established dynamics. This allows us to do deep learning and develop both individually and interpersonally.
Setting realistic expectations
If we want not to get frustrated in the process of finding a partner, it is important that we review what our expectations are. We must avoid idealizing relationships and dreaming of finding a perfect person. Perfection does not exist and these unrealistic expectations lead to constant disappointment and relentless searching that ends in frustration.
Therefore, it is important to focus the energy invested in finding links based on real and genuine connections rather than on “perfect” or idealized relationships. It is true that we can observe aspects of other people that are not as we would like, but it is important to weigh the whole and how that relationship makes us feel.
In this sense, it is interesting that we try to connect with an attitude of openness and flexibility to get to know people. Sometimes it can happen that we become obsessed with looking for certain characteristics, people or situations and that can lead us to not see other interesting opportunities.
Close duels from your previous exes
If you are looking for a new partner without having yet gotten over your previous ex, the search will not only be more difficult, but you will tend to repeat patterns constantly.
You must turn the page completely before starting to meet a new partner, otherwise, it is very likely that you will start making comparisons in which one person or another will not always come out very well.
Furthermore, you also run the risk of starting a new relationship and still being in love with your ex, which would imply that you would not be completely sincere either with your new partner or with yourself, or on the contrary, starting a different relationship out of spite or to make your previous partner jealous, which will not only bring you absolutely nothing, but will also cause harm to both people and, above all, to yourself.
Use the right tools
As we said before, it seems that in the era with more digitalization and accessibility to the connection between human beings, it is more difficult to establish genuine links and real connections.
It is true that, today, there are countless applications and digital tools that can facilitate access to other people. It is important to invest time in analyzing the different options in order to be able to choose the one(s) that best suits the needs of each person at all times.
Unfortunately, It is increasingly common for people to invest much more time in meeting people through the screen than in real meetings. Therefore, an interesting option may be to get involved in face-to-face activities related to one’s own tastes or hobbies in which we ensure social interactions.
The importance of self-care
We have already seen that the path of finding a partner can become an extremely frustrating process. In addition, it can also be really complex on an emotional level for the person since insecurities, fears, complexes, self-esteem problems and other psychological difficulties can arise that can worsen.
Precisely for this reason, it is important that during this process we take maximum care of our physical, emotional and mental health. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle helps us regulate stress and anxiety levels. Furthermore, it is important to internalize other tools that help us with this issue and with the management of emotions.
Avoiding constant self-criticism is essential to not live this process out of frustration. Although it is important that we review certain individual aspects and become aware of our way of relating, it is crucial to do so with compassion and respect. Extreme judgment towards oneself, destructive criticism instead of constructive, generates a lot of suffering and makes learning and subsequent growth difficult.
An exercise that can help you clarify your ideas is to make a list of what you are looking for in a relationship. They can be more generic values such as complicity, trust, fidelity, friendship, sense of humor, etc., or more specific desires, such as living together, get married, start a family…
This will help you visualize those aspects that you consider important in your life and when you meet someone, you will be able to share your own vital concerns to know if you are both looking for the same thing and if, therefore, your relationship can have a future.
Don’t accept crumbs
That you really want to be in a relationship and have a partner It doesn’t mean you have to settle for the first sign of attention you’re offered. Many times, we tend not to see that certain people are not the best for us but we let it go because they are the only ones we have found or who pay attention to us.
It is also very important to be clear that if what we are looking for is a stable relationship, casual sex probably cannot fill that space, so accepting those “crumbs” will not be enough to build a solid relationship.
In these cases, the brains of women and men have certain biochemical differences: while casual sex secretes relaxing hormones in men, in women it secretes more loving ones. Women tend to fall in love more than men after episodes of casual sex, so if we are looking for a stable partner, the ideal would be to go slower, get to know each other better and share points of view before moving on to something else.
