How to Identify Emotional Codependency? Discover How to Avoid This Toxic Attitude

Emotional dependence and codependency are directly related and work as a vicious circle. Discover what it means to be codependent and how to avoid it in your relationships.

We are beginning to be very accustomed to hearing about emotional dependence, but we rarely talk about codependency, that is, mutual dependence Because? Simply because when one person is dependent and the other is not, a problem arises in the relationship (be it a couple, friendship or family); while when there is codependency, sometimes the problem it raises does not manifest itself because both are in the same game, that is, there does not seem to be a problem (although it only seems like one).

Although at first glance codependency It may not seem like a problem, the reality is that emotionally dependent people can end up harming themselves by being codependent with their partners. In this way, it is important to identify these relationships of mutual dependence.

What is codependency?

The person who is seen within codependency It is someone who has the urgent need to save, protect, defend or justify and care for others, putting their own needs in the second or third plane and even forgetting about them.

Therefore, the emotional codependency implies that the lives of codependent people are always focused on others, which ends up leading them to carry out controlling behaviors towards dependent people because they want to feel useful, something that they generally achieve with the dependent person, who has a tendency to insecurity or He is someone who has problems.

The intention of codependent It is good, it is helping, but it ends up making the dependency even stronger, thus fueling a mutual relational problem.

The codependent people They generally have low self-esteem generated already in childhood. Many times they are people who have suffered an attachment that has not been secure, that is, they have not bonded correctly with their main caregivers, either because they are parents who undervalue, demand excessively or neglect their child, or due to problems in parents such as addictions or psychological disorders.

Be that as it may, the person only feels reinforced by others when they take care of someone and since they feel neglected and have a great need for approval, that is when the problem arises. This dependence is meaning that those who suffer from it learn to value themselves for what they give to others and not for who they really are.

Therefore, there are couple relationships that work like this all their lives, or until the emotionally dependent person becomes more independent. And this is where the codependent behavior It can become somewhat perverse even if it is unconsciously. Seeing that the other person makes decisions for themselves or does things on their own, that is, when they feel that the other person no longer needs them as much, they may say or do things that undermine the dependent’s self-esteem to make them come back. symbiosis, that is, balance in the couple or family.

It goes without saying that this type of relationship is totally toxic and that it produces significant emotional discomfort in both one and the other, but they do not know how to live any other way.

How to identify codependency?

As you can see, emotional codependents usually have a series of attitudes that identify them. In this way, psychologists highlight the following attitudes within the codependency or interdependence

1. Need for approval from others: People who have a emotional codependency or who are in a codependent relationship often end up taking actions to end up feeling the approval of those around them. In this way, codependents require the opinion of others in order to feel comfortable with what they do daily.
2. Low self-esteem and lack of confidence: The self-esteem of people who feel a family or couple codependency, usually depends in these cases on what others think about them. Therefore, a codependent ends up having a bad attitude towards his self-esteem that can end up harming him in many ways.
3. Culpability: The interdependent people They tend to try to assume guilt for some actions for which perhaps they are not responsible or for which they should not feel that way. Furthermore, they often end up asking for forgiveness more than they should.
4. They ignore their own desires: In most cases of codependency people often end up focusing on their dependency relationships, thus ignoring what they really want for their own lives and leaving themselves aside.
5. Difficulty communicating: In these cases, people who suffer from a emotional codependency in the couple, in the family or in their relationships, they usually present a series of difficulties in being able to communicate effectively with others. So much so that on many occasions these people end up not saying what they really think.

If you identify with these signs, you should know that to get out of the codependency it is fundamental and necessary to resort to a therapeutic process with a systemic basis, since getting out of a vicious circle like this on one’s own is similar to wanting to quit drugs without anyone’s help when frequent and abusive consumption occurs.

How to be emotionally independent?

In order to put this aside emotional dependence and its symptoms, it is necessary for the person to work within themselves. In this way, codependents can focus on the following actions.

• Spend time with yourself: A person who has this emotional interdependence She must learn to spend time with herself. The reason is that the relationship with ourselves is more important than it seems at first glance since this will define how you behave with others.

• Reflect on your daily experiences: It is important that you take time to reflect on what you do in your daily life. Have you done anything for yourself? Do you feel like you are improving? People who have a emotional codependency They tend to end up focusing on others and not on what they want. Start by setting small goals that go where you want.
• Pursue your interests: Discover what you really enjoy. Once you have it in your mind, it is important that you start focusing a little on it every day. This way you will end up going from the codependency to individual freedom.
• Be more aware: Being in the here and now can be a good way to leave behind a codependent relationship Learn to notice your body and perceive the sensations behind it. This way you will know if what you are doing is what you really want.

People who have a relationship interdependence They usually end up suffering from some psychological problems related to this type of attitude. For this reason, in order to put an end to it, it is important to work internally through therapy. Don’t leave the reins of your life in others.