Emotions can lead us to react quickly to situations that require an urgent response, but, paradoxically, they can also anchor us in the past if we do not know how to manage them well.
The case of resentment is the clearest example of the latter: through it, a past experience is capable of keeping us reliving over and over again the feeling of annoyance that we once experienced, but that in reality we should not be suffering in. the present.
In this article we will see several keys about how to overcome resentment, reorient our emotions and stop feeling frustrated for something that no longer has the importance we give it.
These are some keys to understanding how you can overcome resentment. Of course, we must not lose sight of the fact that each case is unique and You have to know how to adapt these ideas to the way you live in a given context and time.
1. Define the reason for your resentment
The vast majority of occasions in which resentment is experienced is directed towards a specific person or group (regardless of the size of the latter).
Therefore, the first step to confront this psychological phenomenon is to detect who we are directing this hostility against. This is something that can take a matter of seconds in some cases, but sometimes it is somewhat complex, especially when what we adopt negative attitudes against is something rather abstract
In any case, identifying this element will help us undo this dynamic of hostility as quickly as possible.
2. Write down the negative consequences of feeling resentment
The main reason why it is important to get rid of resentment is to stop harming oneself.
It is important to take this into account, since if we do not do it, the paradox will arise that the fact of fantasizing about the humiliation or defeat of someone who we believe has hurt us is something that keeps us submerged in a state that makes us suffer, so we give that other person more power over us than they normally would have
Therefore, stop and think and make a list of the negative consequences of feeling the way you feel when harboring that antipathy towards someone, without forgetting that time is also an aspect to take into account: the longer we prolong this phase, the longer they will last. their damages.
3. Assume that accepting is not forgiving
Sometimes forgiveness is practically impossible, or so complicated that the cost of trying outweighs the possible positive consequences in terms of effort and time. Therefore, think about the difference between forgiveness and acceptance.
To deal with a person or have them around on a daily basis, they do not have to be our friend, that we can trust her or that we like her. Accepting that some people are not made to play an important role in our lives is necessary to overcome the resentment that in some cases we may harbor against someone.
Sometimes walking away from a person is good for overcoming the first phase of anger, but this stage should not last too long if we do not want them to become angry. the negative consequences of seeing our freedom restricted When it comes to moving, it becomes another source of discomfort and resentment.
5. Learn to not take it personally
Not taking something personally doesn’t mean ingratiating yourself with someone and assuming they didn’t mean to hurt us. Indeed, the world is full of people who, given the right conditions, can intend to hurt us, but that does not mean that we should give importance to their intentions.
If we take a distant perspective, we will see that events only have importance if we give it to them and that unless we give prominence to those who offend us, we can make what they think of us or the fact that they try to make us uncomfortable not matter.
6. Assume that people are not perfect
Finally, we will save ourselves many moments of anger and resentment if we learn to accept that making mistakes is not in itself a reason for us to antagonize someone, even if it has significantly negative consequences for us.
Life is not perfect and everyone has moments when their strength fails them or when they make the wrong decisions. If that causes us frustration that is one thing, but it does not mean that we should blame someone for making a mistake.
Even if we have very valid reasons to be resentful towards someone or a group of people, the person who is most harmed by that situation is ourselves.
Therefore, knowing how to overcome resentment is not so much an act by which we assess whether we have reasons to blame someone for something bad that has happened, as an act to turn the page and focus on other aspects of life that we find more stimulating.
And since it is very difficult to think differently while doing exactly the same thing, it is important that you modify certain things in your daily life. New hobbies, new friendships, new places… All this will allow you to close a stage of your development and move on to another in which the past does not limit you so much and you can look back without discomfort dominating you.
