When we talk about fear of commitment we are referring to the fear that a person shows of establishing and maintaining a relationship. long-term relationship It is an irrational fear that incapacitates the person who suffers from it to move forward with their partner and begin to move towards common goals and objectives for fear of losing their freedom and independence, among other things. Even though the person loves his or her partner and deep down wants to become more involved, the fear he or she experiences is so great that it generates a great anxiety and it is impossible for him to commit.
This is why in this PsychologyFor article we are going to discover you how to overcome fear of commitment and, to do this, we are going to give you a series of tips that, if you carry them out, you will be able to begin to face that fear that is limiting you so that in the end you can overcome it.
Characteristics of people who are afraid of commitment
If you have ever wondered how to overcome the fear of commitment, it is because you are already willing to begin to face that fear that is surely limiting your life and does not allow you to feel fully in your relationship. It could also be the case that you are not currently in a relationship but you nevertheless want to start one with the intention of making it long-term and fully enjoying it.
There are a series of characteristics of people with fear of commitment However, not all of them act in the same way. Some of the main features are the following:
Are very independent and they are distressed at finding themselves faced with the possibility of depending on another person.
When they notice that the relationship is becoming more formal, they flee, even ending up completely breaking up with the couple.
They generally want have everything under control they are indecisive and rigid in their treatment.
They find it difficult to express their own emotions and feelings.
They value their freedom too much and put it above all things, what they fear most is losing it.
They feel uncomfortable with the intimacy and closeness of other people.
Some people tend to lock themselves in and avoid meeting more people.
They focus solely on themselves and achieving their personal goals, generally work-related and hobbies, the rest they consider secondary.
They have a lot fear of changes and get out of your comfort zone.
Sometimes they tend to adopt as a defense mechanism falling in love with impossible people or platonic loves in order to try to demonstrate to others and to themselves that they really do try to have a stable relationship but that it is nevertheless impossible for them to achieve one.
Some like to live together, go out, they can show details and attention to people but they are very afraid of losing their freedom. They believe that if they commit themselves, they will get into a problem from which they will not be able to get out.
They believe that the person they date who is acting charming now will later become jealous, possessive and demanding.
Deep down they may be feeling alone and empty.
Why am I afraid of commitment?
There are many reasons why a person may experience fear of commitment, some of the main ones are the following:
Fear of not being able to maintain a serious long-term relationship due to lack of security in itself.
Fear of taking the risk involved in committing to another person since there is always the possibility of failure. This fear usually comes from low self-esteem
There are people who, because they have not reached sufficient emotional maturity, they fall in love with the feeling of falling in love more than the person they fall in love with. They like to stay with the sensations caused by falling in love (which is temporary) and are not capable of loving in a mature way and fully committing to another person.
There are people who avoid commitment due to the exaggerated fear generated by the thought that they could be abandoned. They have the belief that if they give their love to another person unconditionally, they may at some point get bored and leave them.
Because they are indecisive people who want to control everything, they are afraid of make a wrong decision when committing since they may regret having done so and then it may be too late to change their mind.
They have learned to perceive commitment as something purely negative and associate it with the loss of freedom, monotony, boredom, responsibility, sacrifice, etc.
They are afraid that another person will know them as they are. They project a idealized image of themselves through their physical appearance, way of speaking, work, etc. and for ego reasons they do not want to lose that status and have their dark side seen.
They have the belief that the one who gives themselves 100% to the relationship is the one who will suffer the most.
In this other article from PsychologyFor we discover good tips to be happy with your partner and banish fears to the background.
Tips to overcome the fear of commitment
These tips will help you know how to overcome the fear of commitment, so it is recommended that you put them into practice and make an effort if you want to achieve it. You have to know that if you have this deep-rooted fear, it will not always be easy for you to do it, but with the necessary motivation it is never impossible.
Accept that you are afraid of commitment
You have to accept that this fear exists in you, recognize it, keep in mind that you have it but that you nevertheless want to overcome it. This is the most important step for change, because in order to change some aspect of our life, a personal situation and/or face a fear, we must first accept that we have it.
Identify your fears
Once you have accepted that you are afraid of commitment and recognized that you want to overcome it, you have to learn to identify what your fears are specifically and where they come from. For example, if you have identified that one of your fears is being abandoned by your partner, from there you can start to analyze where that fear of abandonment comes from, it may be that you were previously abandoned by another person or by your parents when you were a child. , etc.
Recognize where your fears are limiting you
After having done a little reflection about your fears and have become aware of what they are specifically and where they come from, you have to recognize how they are limiting you and what they are preventing you from achieving.
Continuing with the previous example, the fear of being abandoned by your partner is preventing you from committing to that person and by not doing so you are denying yourself the opportunity to fully experience the pleasure of love, to have a person by your side that you can trust. and with whom you can share many important moments in life. Maybe you also want to start a family later and the fear of commitment limits you from being able to achieve it.
See the positive side of committing
Recognize that committing to another person It does not only have negative aspects For everything there is always a positive and a negative side, however when it comes to committing to a loved one, the positive outweighs all negative aspects, so it is worth daring. Keep in mind that we all like to love and be loved and that knowing that there is going to be someone who is there for you, who considers you your life partner and someone special and important, can fill you with great joy.
Focus on the present moment
Your fears and insecurities are a product of your thoughts and beliefs about the future, about what can or cannot happen to you. The truth is that no one can know to a certain science what is going to happen to them, we can even plan what we are going to do the next day or in a few hours and no matter how much we plan, things may not turn out that way. The only thing we really have for sure is this moment, the present moment.
So if you want to overcome the fear of commitment and achieve it, every time you begin to want to get ahead through your thoughts of what may or may not happen, bring your mind back to this moment. You will realize that nothing bad is happening now, that It’s about living life and enjoying and to do this you have to learn to let yourself go.
So focus on what you want, commit to someone if you prefer, and give yourself the opportunity to experience the pleasure of love and closeness with another person.
This article is merely informative, at PsychologyFor we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to How to overcome the fear of commitment we recommend that you enter our Couples Therapy category.
