I Am Heterosexual But I Have Fallen In Love With Someone Of My Own Sex
Sometimes people question whether they are gay because they have always liked people of the opposite sex but have fallen in love with someone of the same sex. Today I talk to you about this topic.
Many people ask themselves that question, can someone be heterosexual and fall in love with a person of their own sex?
The answers to this question spark an eternal debate for which it is difficult to give an answer. There are those who say that if you have sexual desire by someone of your own sex, even if it is only by one person, you are homosexual Then there are those who consider that you are Heterosexual but you have simply fallen in love with the person regardless of whether they are a man or a woman and love can overcome the issue of gender. But there are also those who think and in fact coin the term: “curious hetero”, which is based on the person being heterosexual but at a given moment they feel sexual desire towards someone of their own sex and try the experience. Finally, there is the opinion that if you like someone of the same sex (even if it is just a specific person) and you generally like the opposite sex, you are bisexual What do you think is the most correct option?
I really don’t know how to give you an answer. Several psychological studies would be necessary to answer you and it is such a recent question that there are no large studies that provide reliable results. So given the absence of objective information, I will give you my point of view:
In the same way that I don’t like to put labels on my patients because I consider that they don’t contribute much, I think it is not necessary to put a label on this topic. However, it is good to know and feel identified with something, it makes you feel that you belong to a group and that you are not a weirdo. But once you know, what remains is to live, it doesn’t matter if you are straight, homo or bisexual. The question is enjoy your sexuality and allow yourself to fall in love and enjoy it. Thus, I believe that you have to be faithful to the label with which you identify, be it heterosexuality, homosexuality or bisexuality.
In my consultation I have seen both men and women, some who have barely left adolescence and other adults already married with children, who find themselves in this sea of ​​doubts and in this limbo.
I am going to tell you about a lady, whom I will call Carmen (fictitious name) who I have assisted in my consultation about this topic. The woman is 49 years old and divorced with three teenage children. Carmen comes for a consultation because she has always been clear that she liked men, and in fact, she continues to be sexually attracted to them, but after the divorce she began to feel attracted to a co-worker with whom she got along very well and they spent many hours together. Carmen knew that LucÃa (not her real name) is homosexual and had recently broken up with her girlfriend. Although LucÃa did not send her signs of flirtation, she began to discover herself feeling sexual desire towards her partner, and sending hints and glances of more than friendly complicity. In fact, she dreamed about LucÃa sexually speaking and began to notice that what she felt towards her was not a simple friendship. She says in session that she is still not physically attracted to women. It just happens with LucÃa that she has these sexual impulses. She defines herself as heterosexual and comments: I am heterosexual but I have fallen in love with a woman. Carmen differentiates very clearly that she only feels desire for this specific woman and she continues to be attracted to men. Do I have to question it? I don’t think so. Her definition is clear and she feels identified with that. collective Therefore, I consider that if she is already happy So, why turn the concepts around?
However, another patient, a 23-year-old boy whom I will call Mario, explains that he considers himself bisexual because he had always had girls as a partner, but one day he began to be attracted to a college friend and began a relationship with him. Once the relationship with this boy broke up, Mario began to feel sexual attraction to more boys and today he considers that he likes both men and women. He, therefore, considers himself bisexual and feels identified with that label, and it seems legitimate for him to feel comfortable in it.
In particular, I consider that the important thing is to feel identified with something and comfortable with that definition, no matter what it is. It doesn’t matter if you love X or you love Y, the important thing is to be able to fall in love and enjoy that love the name you give to that is secondary.
