I Argue A Lot With My Partner Over Trivial Things: What Should I Do?

My partner and I argue a lot, why could that be? Despite feeling a strong love for each other, there are some couples who can’t help but argue every day for reasons that seem silly.

Why do I fight so much with my partner?

These couple arguments can have different origins or factors that trigger them. You may wonder why we argue so much if we love each other? Let’s see what are the most common factors of fighting with your partner:

• Personality and attitudes very dominant.
• Different opinions about everything that surrounds them.
• Need to find a conflict external: it is possible that arguments as a couple occur because we have internal conflicts that we need to get out, using other people as an excuse. Discover more about relationship conflicts.
• Opposite personalities : one person can be very passive and the other aggressive, there may be one who feels insecure all the time or another who believes she is the “leader” of the relationship, … opposites do not always attract.
• Conflicts of the past without resolving: If we do not learn to forgive negative attitudes from the past or big mistakes in our relationship, it is useless to continue with that person. Reproaches are never good and lead to arguments that are unlikely to end if we do not try to solve the underlying problem.
• Bad communication: Some couple arguments may arise because each person’s needs and preferences have not been well expressed from the beginning. In this article, we tell you how to improve communication between couples.
• Psychological problems: Perhaps one of the two people – or both – is going through a bad time in their life and may suffer from psychological discomfort that leads them to act differently and even offensive to the other member of the couple. In these cases, it is important to go to a specialist to treat the root psychological problem.

If these types of situations continue, what may happen is that we learn to solve our problems only by arguing. We can even talk about couples hooked on arguments

If you’re still wondering “why do I fight so much with my partner?” It is possible that it is for the following reason: it may happen that one of the two has demands that the other cannot give, we are talking about The expectations Expecting the other person to do or say what we want or demand, or expecting the other person to be grateful and feel a certain way whenever we do something specific for them.

For avoid problems with your partner , it is very important to know why you argue so much, to look for the root of everything. Reviewing the points in the previous section, some of the attitudes mentioned may have sounded familiar to you. Once the basic problem has been found, it is very important to work from there. The key is find the fuse that lights the conflict and avoid turning it on.

Is arguing with your partner bad?

Although it may not seem like it, sometimes it is important to expose our needs and reach an agreement with our partner. It must be taken into account that discussions have an end and the objective of a good dialogue is to reach a common point to make improvements in the relationship or, simply, to reach an agreement. All couples should communicate to learn more about each other, to express their needs or if at any time one of the two offends the other, to be able to say so to resolve it in the best possible way.

In any case, it must be admitted that there are people who do not give up, even though we do not want to argue, they will continue looking for more and more reasons to start a dispute. These people can bring great toxicity and damage your mental health. In these cases, you can kindly invite your boyfriend or girlfriend to go to individual or couples therapy

If you’re wondering what to do when you fight with your partner, even though it sounds cliché, learning to communicate our feelings and needs is a key piece in all relationships. In this way, we avoid placing expectations on the other and we are a little clearer about what our partner expects from us.

Communication is also essential at the time of discussion. Sometimes, fights do not stop because during them we speak offensively and become defensive. Learning not to get angry and talking to our partner in a calm and coherent way is the best solution.

There are many ways to express feelings and desires to our partner, that is, there are many types of communication among them we highlight the passive, the aggressive and the assertive:

Passive communication

This type of communication is characterized by conformity, by not expressing needs or desires. When someone communicates in this way, they let their rights be “trampled” and they don’t usually complain about anything, even if they don’t feel comfortable. Insecure and withdrawn people usually communicate this way.

• Example: In an argument, one of the two offends the other, the other does not complain or say anything. He just lowers his head and remains silent despite feeling bad.

Aggressive communication

People who communicate aggressively express their needs or desires in a hostile and unpleasant way, often using shouts and insults. It is a very offensive type of communication and is usually the one that starts arguments.

• Example: This time, one of the members of the couple has done something without bad intentions but that bothers the other person. She yells at him and reproaches him for how badly she always does things and how much she dislikes everything she does.

Assertive communication

It’s considered the best type of communication , a clear balance between allowing ourselves to express our emotions and respecting our partner. Assertive communication is based on saying what we think and feel, but in a correct and calm way, without offending anyone.

• Example: In a fight, one of the two expresses to the other that he feels sad, that he does not want to argue and that he believes that the best solution to settle the fight is to reach a common point, an intermediate between the desires of one and the other. . In this other article you can learn new dynamics of assertive communication.

As we have seen throughout the entire article about “I argue a lot with my partner over trivial things”, it is important to learn to avoid constant arguments as a couple. Next, we will see how to stop fighting with my partner.

• Patience: If my partner argues about everything, it is important to stay calm in a fight with your partner. It is complicated, but it is the best way to prevent the problem from escalating and to conduct the conversation in a calm and appropriate manner.
• Listen: Sometimes, we simply argue to always be right, in these cases, it is important to take a step back and listen to what the other person has to say. It can surprise us quite a bit.
• Empathize: Putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes helps us a lot to understand their point of view and the demands they express to us.
• Do not insult: By insulting and offending others you only manage to make them feel worse, you get nowhere with those expressions. Furthermore it is incoherent wanting to make the person we love feel bad.
• The reproaches are unnecessary: If you say to yourself “I fight a lot with my partner”, remembering what your boyfriend or girlfriend did wrong two months ago is not going to help in an argument. Bringing things up from the past is not a good solution. We all make mistakes and deserve second chances.
• Do not tolerate toxic attitudes: If that person is constantly offending us, we argue with our partner every day, we cry and feel bad almost always, it is time to analyze if the person we are with has too many toxic attitudes. A great gesture of self-love It is deciding what to tolerate and what not.

This article is merely informative, at PsychologyFor we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to I argue a lot with my partner over trivial things: what should I do? we recommend that you enter our Couples Therapy category.