In a couple’s argument, many times nerves are lost Excessive trust and coexistence can mean that a simple nonsense ends up leading to a huge fight with screams and contempt. This is a situation that should be avoided as much as possible since, in a couple, the most important thing is that respect is maintained intact and that good communication is cultivated. But we know that it is not always an easy task and, therefore, in this PsychologyFor article we are going to discover some techniques so that you can learn to argue as a couple and achieve a healthier and more respectful relationship.
We know that, many times, In an argument it is very easy to lose your temper Screams, reproaches and contempt can appear when we let ourselves be carried away by impulses, leaving our mind aside. However, it is important to always maintain control and understand that arguing is normal and common and that the objective of these confrontations is none other than to understand each other more and coexist better.
Therefore, you do not have to take an argument as something negative for the couple but rather you have to see it as a positive fact which will help you enjoy a much stronger bond. This is the first element that you have to take into account to avoid getting carried away by anger or pain and understand that the true purpose of the discussion is positive.
In addition to this, here we will give you other techniques to learn to argue as a couple and that can help you in those moments when you are about to lose control.
Relax before you speak
Many times, arguments get worse because we let ourselves be carried away by emotions, not by reason. Therefore, if there has been something that has hurt you, instead of jumping immediately, shut up, relax and think about what happened that bothered you so much. You can’t argue in the heat because the only thing you will get out of it will be pain, screams and discomfort. So, when you feel that you are getting very angry, it is best to go for a walk, lock yourself in the room or take deep breaths to help you control that instinct.
Be clear about the objective of the discussion
Another of the best techniques to learn to argue as a couple is to keep in mind what the objective is being discussed in the discussion. Why are you arguing and where do you want to go? This is important to be clear about to avoid starting to talk about past situations that have nothing to do with the current one.
Postponing is wise
If you perceive that one of you is not in a position to continue the discussion, it is important that you postpone it. In fact, it is wise that you learn to detect the emotions in which you find yourself in order to resolve the conflict. Sign a “truce” pact and postpone that conversation for later or the next day, this way, you will have time to think carefully about the issue that concerns you and give a solution or your point of view without reproaches or anger.
You both have to give in
One thing you have to keep in mind: you are not absolutely right. Even if there is an argument in which you believe you are right, it is likely that your partner also has something to say. You cannot position yourself in that privileged state that you do everything well because it is not true. To reach a consensus it is important that you both give in and work to understand each other more. As we said at the beginning, discussions are a good opportunity to improve the relationship and respect each other as much as possible.
Come to conclusions
To learn to argue as a couple, it is important that the situation be resolved in some way. You have exposed the problem, you have discussed it, and now it is time to solve it. What are you going to do to fix what happened? What about your partner? You both must do your part so that the relationship evolves positively and the discussion has meaning.
How to solve couple anger
Now that we have given you some keys so that you can learn to argue as a couple, it is important that we analyze the best way to solve this situation As we said in the previous section, a discussion has to have an objective and a purpose and this is none other than to understand each other better and be able to coexist in a more optimal way. Getting to understand you on all levels is complicated and, for this reason, discussions arise, to try to understand you more.
Therefore, here we are going to give you a series of keys that can help you solve couple’s anger and that, thus, you can put an end to the discussion both on an emotional level and on a practical level.
Detect the symptoms of your anger
Getting very angry is not at all good for arguing with your partner and, therefore, it is important that you start to know yourself and know when you are getting angry. There will always be topics or reasons for conflict that will light the flame more than others, so it is important that you learn to master these situations and control your emotions.
Relax to resolve anger as a couple
Once an argument is over, you have to put an end to the anger and negative emotion. After having had a bad time, we will have to make an extra effort to feel better about each other and regain positivity. Therefore, we recommend that you relax, play some music, tell a joke, etc. Laughter and jokes can be great allies at this time as they will reduce tension and create a better climate of coexistence.
Control your negative thoughts
In order to overcome anger with your partner, it is vital that you eliminate the negative thoughts that flood your mind. Surely, you have had a lot of thoughts like “I’m right”, “I can’t stand him”, “He doesn’t understand anything”, etc. You have to start eliminating that trace of negativity from your mind because none of these opinions are real, they are simply the result of emotion. Therefore, both during and after the argument you will have to avoid these thoughts that only want to harm you and your partner.
Practice empathy
And, finally, you have to be clear that the person you are arguing with is your partner, that is, he is one of the people you love most in the world. For this reason, it is very important that you have a positive and respectful attitude towards her, avoid hurting her feelings and opt for constructive discussions. To do this, a great trick is to put yourself in her shoes and try to experience this situation in her flesh. It will help you open your mind and achieve a greater breadth of vision.
In this other article we tell you how to get out of a toxic relationship in case you can’t find a solution to your arguments.
Why do I argue so much with my partner?
If you apply all the advice that we have given you in the previous sections, you will have managed to learn to argue as a couple. However, it is important that we also Let’s understand the origin of these disputes Well, they are the basis that will make the relationship prosper or, on the contrary, sink it.
There are times when a couple may be arguing more than normal. This may be the result of the known “couple crisis ” or simply because you are experiencing a more stressful or monotonous period. However, if you have been arguing a lot with your partner lately, here are some of the most common causes of this situation.
You are both alphas: People with a dominant character tend to confront and defend their opinions in a strong manner. This can cause any situation to become an argument or cause for a fight. In these cases, the important thing is to learn to give in to both one and the other, otherwise it will be very difficult for you to understand each other.
Boredom: There is no situation that generates more arguments than living in a boring or monotonous relationship. In fact, boredom is the worst enemy of couples because it ends up creating arguments to have some emotion on a daily basis. In this other article we give you some tips to be happy with your partner and avoid routine.
Idealize the couple: Many times, arguments come because our partner “disappoints” us. But, rather than being disappointed, what happens is that we tend to create an idealized image of both him/her and our relationship and, when our expectations are not met, we get angry and argue.
It is important that you analyze the nature of your relationship and be honest with yourself. If you argue a lot about your partner, it could be a sign that the relationship has come to an end, or it could simply be that you are having a bad time. Be that as it may, the important thing is that talk and make decisions to try to overcome this situation and be happy again.
This article is merely informative, at PsychologyFor we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to Learn to argue as a couple we recommend that you enter our Couples Therapy category.
