I Want To Separate, But I Don’t Dare: What Do I Do?

Making the decision to separate is not easy. If you are not clear, you must take into account a series of factors to make the right decision.

• love is over It is important to distinguish love from infatuation. Falling in love, understood as the intense sensations at the beginning of the relationship, does not last more than two years. Then the feelings are different, but they are still love… or not.
• If you don’t see a future with your partner and you are not very interested in what happens to him or worries him, there may no longer be love. If you see that this does not change over time, separation is a wise option, because staying together out of habit is not fair for your partner or for you.
• You have nothing in common In this case and if there is basic love, you can try to work on the relationship and make an effort to do things together. Something that you both like and sometimes a small effort to accompany the other in their hobbies.
• You fight constantly There is also a solution here if there is love and respect. But it requires a lot of effort on the part of both members of the couple, not just one is worth it.
• Lack of respect, emotional or physical abuse Here you have to end the relationship. Once certain limits have been passed, things usually get worse. If you have children, think for them that it is not good to live in an environment where there is no respect.
• You want different things It is important to make clear what is expected from a relationship from the beginning so that it does not become a problem later. For example, what type of relationship you are willing to have (open or exclusive) or whether you want children or not. It is true that sometimes you change your mind, but generally it does not happen, and waiting for it to happen is not the most advisable thing.
• Infidelity If you have made it clear that your relationship would be exclusive, infidelity is a reason for breaking up. However, this depends on what the members of the couple want. Only they will decide if they want to continue with the relationship and move on. Regaining trust and not giving in to jealousy is hard, but it can be achieved with patience, effort and time.

In this article you will find other signs to know when to end a relationship.

For some time now you have been considering the possibility of breaking up your marriage or leaving your relationship, but you don’t know where to start. Below we explain the first steps to follow if you want a separation or divorce:

1. The first thing is clarify your ideas and make a decision. You already have it? Well now comes to be consistent with your decisions.
2. Tell your partner and family It’s good to have the support of some people around you because it can be very hard.
3. If you have things in common, you must reach an agreement If you find it complicated, you can consult with a professional so that the distribution is equitable.
4. If you have children, you must communicate the decision to separate you to the children making it clear to them that you still love them the same and that the decision is independent of them. Here we explain how to tell children about the separation from their parents. It is important that every decision you make is thinking about their well-being and not your own benefit. And never speak ill of each other to your children. You are their parents and that is what should matter, not what each one has done to the other.

Do you want to separate but you don’t have money? It is a very common situation. Economic dependence is usually one of the barriers that prevents separation. But all is not lost. How important is money in a divorce? How can you get ahead without your partner?

1. If that is your case, do not hesitate to ask your family for help for the new beginning. Family, close friends, trusted people… they will be able to give you the help you need. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, it can happen to all of us.
2. Look for a job its the first. You will have to find some paid work. No matter how little it may be at the beginning, the important thing is to enter the job market and grow little by little. Here we explain how to have a good attitude in a job interview.
3. Adapt to your new economic situation If your financial resources have changed a lot compared to when you were in a relationship, you will have to reorganize your expenses and your life, adapting to the new reality. This is a way of being responsible for yourself and your life and that will increase your self-esteem and allow you to choose your partners freely and create egalitarian relationships in which you do not depend financially on the other person.

In the event that you are a woman and the separation is due to gender violence, in Spain there are institutions to go to that will help you in the separation process. When there is abuse, have no doubts, get out of there at all costs. Ask for help and seek support (family, friends, women’s associations…).

If you are bad with your partner, separation is a liberation. However, changes tend to be hard, especially when there is emotional dependence. You may have a bad time at first, you may feel out of place, but think that if you have made the decision to separate it is because you were not well and the suffering is temporary.

• To prevent suffering from lasting longer than necessary, it is best to cut off all communication with your ex-partner that is not essential. No social networks or messages. This is more complicated when there are common children, but you should limit communication to what is really necessary.
• Have fun and have a social life With people outside the relationship it also usually works. As well as starting new activities and dedicating time to yourself.
• Learn to be alone It’s very important.
• Know you , clarify yourself and increase your self-confidence. Furthermore, it is essential so that your next relationship, if you decide to have it, works in the future. When you separate and look for a partner right away, you go from dependence on your ex-partner to dependence on the new partner, what we know as a rebound relationship, and that takes away your freedom to decide what you really want.

In this article we offer more guidelines to leave your partner without hurting or suffering.

This article is merely informative, at PsychologyFor we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to I want to separate, but I don’t dare: what do I do? we recommend that you enter our Couples Therapy category.