The life as a couple It can be complicated to manage, especially when you realize that the relationship is not working. It is then when you can begin to evaluate the option of separation so that you can both be happy and start again. But how to convey this information to your partner? We know that it is a hard and difficult situation and that, in the breakup, other feelings such as fear, self-esteem, etc. always come into play; However, if you think the time has come, you should take this step.
In PsychologyFor we are going to answer your question about what to do if you want to separate so you can get your life back and try to be happy again. You both deserve it.
If lately you begin to see that your relationship is failing, it is important that you take action on the matter and start making decisions It could be a bad streak, yes, but it could also be that you are already clear that this is not going anywhere and, therefore, you have to make the decision, no matter how difficult it may be.
Below we are going to give you a list with aspects that you have to take into account to know what to do if you want to separate. Here it is:
Are you sure you want to separate? : This is the first question you have to ask yourself before taking the next step. Keeping things clear is essential to not hurt your partner or yourself. It is important, therefore, that you evaluate whether this situation is specific or if, on the contrary, it has been happening for some time.
What would happen if you separated?: This is another of the key questions you should ask yourself to try to find out if, deep down, you want to break up with your partner. Actually, separation can imply a series of changes in your lives, but the interesting thing here is that you value whether, really, you see the future that is about to open before your eyes with enthusiasm or with boredom. This can help you understand yourself better.
Let go of everything “material” and focus on your feelings: another piece of advice that you have to take into account before separating is that everything “material”, the most “practical” aspects of the relationship do not have to be an impediment for you to break up the relationship. Surely, during the time of your life together you have created a life together and, therefore, it is normal that, now, you have a hard time thinking about what to do with the house, the car, etc.; However, all of these are procedures that will be resolved, they do not have to be your brake at all!
Don’t feel guilty: Many people when they want to separate from their partner do not take the step because they have a feeling of guilt. They feel bad for hurting their partners and for harming them, so they continue in a relationship in which they are not happy, thus creating a vicious circle of pain and unhappiness. You don’t have to protect your partner over yourself, you have to be honest with yourself and with him/her so that the relationship is truly healthy and sincere. It is worse to continue out of shame than to break up, believe us!
Overcome fear: and, finally, if you are clear that you do not want to continue with your partner but you do not know what to do if you want to separate, what we recommend is that you do some internal work and overcome all those unknowns that can make you afraid just by thinking about them. Loneliness, the change of life, the fear of not finding anyone else… All of this is normal for it to appear in your mind, however, it should not become your only internal discourse. Listen to it but get over it. You can handle anything that comes your way so don’t let yourself be overcome by fear.
In this other article we tell you how to be strong in a relationship breakup so that you know how to act in this situation without falling into drama.
How to tell your partner that you want to separate
Once you are clear about your ideas, the next step you have to do if you want to separate is, obviously, talk to your partner Now is the time to “take the bull by the horns”, be brave and make the decision that causes so much vertigo but, at the same time, will be so liberating.
And when you decide to break up with your partner, you experience very dual feelings that move between pain and liberation, something that shows how necessary it was to take the step. Therefore, to talk to your partner and tell him that you want to separate, below we will give you some tips to keep the conversation civil and, above all, to hurt him as little as possible:
Have clear ideas: It is essential that you know what is happening to you, why you have made this decision, what is wrong with the couple and what you want to communicate to them. For this reason, it is important that before reaching this point you have thought and reflected on the topic in question.
No reproaches: Something very common is that, when we break up with our partner, we begin to let out reproaches and mistakes that we believe they have made. Mistake. This does nothing except create an argument and make the breakup even more difficult. Leave aside all reproaches and opt for a speech in which you speak from yourself, your experience and your feelings; It doesn’t matter what he or she has done, the important thing is that you talk about how you feel and why you want to leave him or her.
Speak and listen: It is also important that you let your partner express himself since, probably, this conversation will not come as a surprise and he will have something to say. Be open to listening to their opinions respectfully and calmly but try not to fall into the trap of trying again. You had already made a decision, a very difficult one at that, so be consistent with it and don’t go back.
Don’t reduce the impact : In breakups, we usually try to stop the pain caused with words or messages that can be hopeful for the other person, however, we recommend that you do not do this because the pain you can create will be even greater. Creating hope for your partner if you are clear that you do not want to be with them is a terrible idea that can cause even deeper pain. Sincerity and honesty will be your best allies so don’t leave them behind.
Do not lose control: and, finally, during the conversation with your partner we recommend that you remain calm, even if they say something that hurts you or that moves you inside. Think that the important thing is to try to finish as well as possible and, therefore, avoid arguments and confrontations as well as learn to accept the criticism that someone may say to you.
In this other article we give you some good advice so that you know how to cure sadness due to heartbreak and recover the joy of living.
What to do if you are married or have children
If you want to know what to do if you want to separate while married or having started a family, you have to keep in mind that, in addition to managing this situation with your partner, you will also have to follow a series of procedures of a more bureaucratic chalice but necessary.
The first thing we recommend is that you talk to your partner to find out how to manage the separation: if it is just a separation or if you want it to be a divorce. Be that as it may, you will have to talk to a lawyer to develop the proposal and be able to divide the assets in a civilized and fair manner.
Furthermore, in the event that there are children involved, it is even more necessary that the separation be amicable and, therefore, we recommend that you NEVER mix your children or treat them as a bargaining chip or a form of punishment. Leave children out of it and protect them as much as possible to prevent them from being harmed by this situation. They are the most vulnerable and the least guilty of the situation, therefore, think more about them than about yourself.
This article is merely informative, at PsychologyFor we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to I want to separate: what do I do? we recommend that you enter our Couples Therapy category.
