Infidelity is one of the situations that can cause the greatest damage to a person Whether we suffer it or commit it, it can ultimately cause us discomfort and other negative symptoms.
But… what are the most common causes? How can we detect it? How to cushion or repair the consequences? In the following article we are going to delve deeper and analyze in detail the phenomenon of infidelity.
First let’s define what infidelity is. Although this concept may seem obvious to us, it may have different nuances depending on the person responding. One of the definitions that most of us agree on is that it is an act involving betrayal A betrayal because it is a situation that breaks the norms or values ​​on which a relationship is based.
However, those norms or rules that the members of a couple agree to comply with may be different from other relationships. In this way, there are more open couples in which relationships with other people are allowed but who also have established limits regarding affection or emotions, for example; and other couples in which the simple act of flirting without intentions can pose a threat and be labeled as infidelity.
In conclusion, infidelity will be the breaking by one of the members of the couple of those established “norms” (previously or taken for granted over time).
What are the reasons why people are unfaithful?
There are many reasons why we can commit infidelity, both in men and women. According to scientific evidence, both sexes tend to share the causes and origins that drive them to commit infidelity.
We must keep in mind that each person is different thanks to their belief system, schemes, values ​​and experiences, and therefore not all people will react the same or will commit infidelity. However, between The most common causes that can lead us to commit infidelity include the following:
1. Finding ourselves immersed in a routine or monotony that does not satisfy us
The need may emerge to want something new, to long for another stage of life in which one did not have a partner or simply to look for an escape route that gives us back “excitement and motivation.” Leading a “double life” may seem exciting to us as a fantasy and sometimes we can carry them out without thinking about the consequences.
2. Sexual desire
Desire or attraction for the partner may have been lost. There are different stages in a relationship that can involve a decrease in sexual desire ; If this is not worked on, over time it could be a cause for being unfaithful.
3. Dissatisfaction with the couple
That is, not feeling complete within the relationship, and there may be emotional, sexual, attention or other types of deficiencies. This would lead to seeking those unmet needs in third parties
4. Find a new partner
It is the Tarzan effect, in which you are not able to let go of a vine until you have another hold. People who are terrified of being single
5. Revenge
Sometimes we can be spiteful and conclude that if our partner has made us suffer, he deserves infidelity. losing the feeling of guilt easily and feeling that it is a righteous act
If we undervalue ourselves and also value our partner as better than ourselves as a sexual individual, that can lead us to a tendency to want to “be in the market” and feel desired (increasing our self-esteem).
Oh!… the consequences are coming
If infidelity has already occurred, the key question is… will they catch me or could my partner be caught? Do I tell it or hide it? There are also many factors at play in this issue, since it depends on the type of infidelity and the people involved. Recurrent infidelity is not the same as sporadic infidelity, nor face-to-face or digital infidelity
However, in most cases there is a tendency to hide the fact (out of sight…) and to have the intention of continuing the relationship without considering whether it is time for a breakup or not. In this way, some of the possible immediate consequences are the following.
On the one hand, changes in the unfaithful person. Changes in your routine, mood changes, changes in your physique (normally better appearance in clothing or new perfumes), greater surveillance of your privacy such as telephone number or passwords.
For the other, behaviors of the unfaithful person that cushion guilt or focused on achieving implicit forgiveness , like giving gifts to your partner for no apparent reason. Take the conversation out of a possible breakup because the relationship is not in a good moment.
In addition, the emotions that the members of the couple may experience will also be different. On the one hand, the person who has suffered infidelity to a greater extent will feel anger, hopelessness, and their self-esteem may be affected. On the other hand, the person who has committed infidelity may feel guilt and shame.
Can there be a relationship after infidelity?
Of course yes, the relationship can continue after one or multiple infidelities. Power is possible… but The right question is whether that relationship will be healthy or not In most cases the relationship will not be the same, and if it was in a bad moment the situation will surely get worse.
With the betrayal and breakdown of those values ​​or norms established in the relationship, mistrust will be a present fact. Finally, Lack of trust will lead to other negative consequences : insecurity, jealousy, control, arguments, reproaches, etc. At this point there will be two paths, continue without well-being or end the relationship.
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How to avoid some causes and consequences of infidelity?
The best option is to put yourself in the hands of a good psychology professional Couples Therapy is a very effective therapy modality in any of the stages in which you find yourself. Before ending the relationship you must allow yourself to try this “last cartridge.”
The therapist will be an impartial professional, he will not judge or look for blame. Its objective is to understand your situations, behaviors and emotions objectively. At PsicoAlmerÃa we carry out therapies both in person and online, we are specialists in couples therapy.
During therapy we work on all aspects of the relationship , identifying weaknesses and providing skills or tools that will help you solve your problems. You will learn the reason for the situations you are going through, you will understand the emotions and feelings, both your own and those of your partner. You will set objectives that will be met; Infidelity can, in many cases, strengthen the healthy continuation of the relationship.
After completing the therapy, you will not only come out stronger as individuals, but you will have acquired the skills and learning necessary to establish good foundations that will continue in the future.
