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Human beings are above all social beings, We are immersed in a constant relationship: with ourselves, with the world, also with others
Our well-being, personal development and also self-knowledge depend on several factors, and the quality of your personal relationships is essential (whether as a couple, family, social, friendly or in your professional environment). What are the problems we have? Why happens? How can we solve them?
Improve relationships by working on yourself
The only way to achieve changes in our lives is through our own personal change. After all, we cannot control the world or others, but we can learn to know ourselves, discover how we manage situations and how to manage them better.
One of the most common mistakes we make is to think that our well-being depends only on our relationship with ourselves, and this is not the case. As we are social beings, our well-being also depends, in part, on the quality of our relationships with others In fact, there is no greater tool for self-knowledge than personal relationships (we truly know ourselves through an encounter with another).
We live in an individualistic world oriented towards consumption and materialism. Our own social context has made personal relationships increasingly complicated (more individualism, more selfishness, less ability to connect with others, more fear and insecurity). So is it necessary to have relationships to feel good and happy? The people you interact with (your partner, friends, family, etc.) will not give you happiness… but the fact that those relationships are positive will help, a lot.
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In the last 10 years I have accompanied people as a psychologist and coach in their change processes, and in a significant number of cases there were difficulties in their personal relationships, either as the main cause or as a secondary cause of another problem. Many of these people had difficulties connecting with others, they isolated themselves, or they did have relationships but they lived them from the conflict. On many occasions I have been asked: “Rubén, where is the problem? Why is the relationship so difficult for me?” The problem is not one of character, but of how we have learned to manage certain situations and the vision we have of ourselves Let’s delve into the problem, and from there, to the solution (which will be what really changes your life).
Causes of the problem in your personal relationships
The difficulties we have in our personal relationships are multiple and would make more for a book than an article; however, They can be summarized in two depending on the emotional state that conditions us
On the one hand, there are the difficulties that arise through an active and unpleasant emotional state, such as anger: frequent arguments, need for control, imperative communication, fruit of expectations, demands or lack of agreements. These types of difficulties lead us to conflicts with all types of personal relationships.
On the other hand, we have the difficulties that appear when you are affected by a very paralyzing and unpleasant emotional state, such as fear and insecurity: not knowing how to set limits, being afraid of what people will say, paralyzing yourself when it comes to meeting a person (or not even trying), etc.
All the difficulties that we may have in our relationships are included in these two groups. Why happens? Before delving into the factors, I leave you a video where I tell you first-hand the main causes of problems in personal relationships and their solutions.
The main psychological causes of these difficulties are the following.
1. Communication difficulties
You don’t say what you want, what you don’t want, what you can or what you can’t. For fear of the other’s rejection, their anger or what they will say, You do not communicate assertively but you give in to what others want This causes isolation and an unpleasant feeling of not being you or not living your own life. The opposite can also happen: we communicate impetuously, imperatively or under duress, which reflects a need to be in control (a sign of a dysfunctional way of managing fear and insecurity).
2. Guilt
The fault is actually a fear of how your actions may have affected or will affect others In this case, the problem is that your well-being is conditioned by external factors that you cannot control (the other’s feelings, their thoughts, etc.).
3. Insecurity and fear
Because of what you fear may happen in your relationships (or your attempted relationship), you decide to paralyze yourself This is a paradox. Precisely because of the prediction we make through fear, we encourage what we fear: rejection and isolation.
4. Control and anger
Control and anger is another manifestation of fear and insecurity. Instead of paralyzing yourself, you try to take control of your relationships through expectations and demands, as well as disappointments. This causes frequent conflicts, arguments, or leads you to see the other person in an increasingly negative way.
Improve the quality of your personal relationships through your own change
Whatever your case, the solution to improve the quality of your personal relationships is always in live a process of personal change in which you understand what you are feeling, what emotion conditions you, how you are managing it now, and above all, how you can learn to manage it in a functional way so that instead of limiting or harming you, it helps you connect better with the other (communication assertive and empathetic), you learn to manage the fear of rejection and improve your ability to accept differences, reach agreements and connect with others in an empathetic way (without coercing or imposing).
We are emotional beings and we feel emotions every second of the day. Emotions influence you in all areas of your life: in your actions, interpretations, decisions, in your way of communicating and relating. Having them for you instead of against you helps you live with greater acceptance, confidence, and curiosity rather than fear, anger, insecurity, or guilt.
This is the change that improves your personal relationships, since It helps you boost confidence, dare to connect with others and express what you feel and need as well as to accompany the other in an empathetic way (as occurs in the case of friendships, family or the professional field).
Now I am going to make you a special proposal. If you want to experience this process of personal change or take a first step, I invite you to visit empowermenthumano.com. There you will find an option to schedule an exploratory session with me, so that we can discover what the problem is in your case, find a solution and see how I can accompany you. In your personal change is the change you need for everything else to improve. If your relationships work, everything else will be easier.
Use this citation format to reference the article clearly and help readers find the original source.
PsychologyFor. (2024). Keys to Improve Your Personal Relationships by Working on Yourself. PsychologyFor. https://psychologyfor.com/keys-to-improve-your-personal-relationships-by-working-on-yourself/