Learning To Say No: 5 Keys To Saying What You Think
How can we say no? What are the keys to being able to say no and deny others while respecting what you really want? Find out why you can’t say no and how to do it.
People who don’t they know how to say no They end up going out of their way for others, leaving themselves aside. The approval and recognition that they believe they need from others to feel valuable and recognized is just that: a belief. A belief that is going to become increasingly more demanding and is going to take away their freedom to do what they really want with their lives.
He not knowing how to say no It becomes one of our weaknesses that will hinder our performance and happiness. If we put the satisfaction of other people before our own, it becomes a constant demand on a cognitive level, we stop living our lives to live those of others.
In extreme situations, when a person does not know how to say no We enter a vicious circle in which we have more and more things to do, many of them without real value for us, and we reach a level of stress that is as high as it is unnecessary. But, what is significant is that we will not feel satisfaction for what we have done, but rather we will increase our demands on others, frustration and sadness, if they do not value us we do it for others.
Signs that you don’t know how to say no
What reasons do we not say no on time? We can find several signs that a person doesn’t know how to say no to others. Some are reasonable like the altruistic ones, but there are some that are wrong.
“I have to help”
Positive behaviors are confused with negative ones. It seems that refuse and say no To do something is selfish, while accepting is an act of kindness, generosity and empathy.
Fear of rejection
We want others to like us, and we seek their approval. We don’t want to be marginalized. People who only care about others to please them, and who live for it, incur constant dissatisfaction and forget about themselves. For this reason, They don’t dare to say no for fear of what might happen.
We want to avoid unnecessary conflicts and maintain a good environment. We don’t want a relationship to falter as a result of a refusal. So much so that on many occasions people they can’t say no because they are afraid to confront each other.
Guilt
We often do not remain calm when we say no We are constantly punishing ourselves for that decision, even if it was totally logical.
Fear of losing opportunities
We think that if we say no now, in the future they will not offer us other things that may interest us.
These are some of the attitudes that people who don’t know how to say no to others usually have. In many cases this is a sign of a lack of self-esteem and insecurity, something that you should treat with a professional psychologist if you identify with this behavior.
What are the causes and factors of not knowing how to say no?
There are a series of causes behind this type of behavior. People who don’t know how to say no usually have the following factors involved.
Education received
Sometimes parents raise their children to be helpful and accommodating people and can teach their children that refuse or say no It is a symbol of bad education. On other occasions, even if they do not try to instill this way of being, children learn it by imitation. For example, if the son sees that the mother sacrifices herself for the family by taking care of the grandfather when the rest of the uncles do not do it because they do not want to and she complains in a petit committee but is never able to refuse to do so, he will learn that that is the way correct to function and you may find yourself carrying out the same pattern in the future.
Lack of assertiveness
Sometimes people don’t refuse because they don’t know how to do it assertively. Either they behave aggressively, which causes constant arguments or unnecessary confrontations, or they behave in an inhibited manner, which means that what the person says does not have enough force or that refusal is not taken into account because it is not clear. .
Conflict avoidance
There are people who are repulsed by conflict. Not necessarily for fear of losing the relationship or for it to deteriorate, but for the very fact of arguing. They feel high anxiety when people argue and want the conversation to end as soon as possible, so they do not refuse what they want to refuse in order to avoid an unpleasant argument.
Be an impressionable person
This is the case of people who are clear about what they want but when they find themselves in the situation, the other person ends up convincing them otherwise and they do not refuse or they don’t end up saying no because they end up thinking the same thing as the other person. However, when they get home or leave the situation, they realize that they have actually ended up accessing something they didn’t want and they don’t really know how.
The idea is not to say no to everything, but we have to do only what gives us satisfaction; If we don’t do it this way, we will damage the self-concept we have of ourselves. What can we do to learn to say no?
1. First you and then others
That doesn’t make you a selfish person, you’re just taking care of yourself. If you don’t want to do something, it is important that you respect yourself, because otherwise, who is going to respect you if you don’t do it? It’s time for you to stop regulating yourself based on others. Sometimes we have to accept that the people we have around us are not the best, we have simply been collecting people without making a selection. The time may have come to think about the quality of those relationships and risk seeing what happens if you are yourself and You start to say no
2. Learn assertiveness strategies
If you do not know to say no in a polite and non-hurtful way, look for self-help books that allow you to learn tricks when communicating or look at someone who is assertive and try to copy some common phrases that person uses to refuse.
3. Accept the conflict
Arguing is not such a bad thing. The important thing is that after the discussion some agreement is reached and it also gives you information about the flexibility or rigidity of the person you are interacting with. So it is doubly productive, on the one hand you do not keep what you feel and on the other hand if the relationship you have is of quality or you are giving more than the other.
If they turn everything you say on its head, perhaps it is important that when are you going to say no Always keep in mind what you want and how you want it. Sometimes it’s okay to be flexible and compromise, but not always so don’t lose sight of your goal.
5. Work on your self-esteem
Self-esteem is one of the pillars that you must work on to learn to value yourself before others and know how to say no before your priorities. Therefore, you must begin to build your self-esteem and work on your insecurities to put aside the lack of respect or value you have towards yourself.
On many occasions when a person does not knows how to say no He ends up losing many freedoms in his life. For this reason, it is vital to start working on it with a professional psychologist. Before everyone else, you go yourself.
