Limerence: 7 Signs That You Suffer From Love Sickness
Limerence is a psychological state through which the person feels authentic obsession with the loved one. We analyze what it is, its possible causes, its symptoms and how to treat it to overcome it.
Love is a wonderful feeling, it is said that it moves the world but there are times when it goes further and becomes an obsessive phenomenon that makes the person or people who suffer from it suffer. It is in this case when we talk about limerence , also known as the love sickness, and which affects some people unconsciously. Limerence or obsession with a person can appear in a relationship but also in those cases in which people have never seen each other physically or in heartbreak or platonic love.
Suffering from this effect can become a source of bitter suffering, so we explain below. what is limerence what are its causes and how to treat love sickness to overcome it and enjoy all the benefits of loving and being loved in a healthy way.
Limerence This is when infatuation becomes an obsession. It is about the consequences of a romantic attraction for a person combined with the extreme and anxious need to be reciprocated. The definition of limerence is related to the symptoms of an obsessive-compulsive disorder in the sense that it is an involuntary state with obsessive and intrusive thoughts and behaviors that can appear with notable desperation.
Limerence also produces a total fear of rejection as well as extreme states of emotional lability Furthermore, according to experts, this Psychological trastorn It can last a long period of time, even lasting decades if a solution is not sought.
Origin and meaning
He meaning of limerence in English limerencewas coined by the American psychologist Dorothy Tennov in his book Love and Limerence – The experience of being in love in 1979 in which he presented his conclusions about romantic love after conducting numerous interviews and personal questionnaires. The theory of limerence, according to the author, implies more than falling in love, an addiction to another person, an adaptation to their tastes and the abandonment of other aspects of life and oneself. Furthermore, the feelings of the limerent person depend on the actions of the person receiving those feelings and whether or not they reciprocate.
The word limerencia does not seem to have a specific etymology and is not, at the moment, included in the RAE but according to some sources it could come from two Anglo-Saxon words: limerickwhich is a form of limerick (as well as an Irish town), and from the word Romance. Both together form the word that gives its name to this type of love disorder.
The differences between love and obsession There are many and they seem to be clear, although in the early stages they can become confusing. Limerence is a form of obsessive love which can start from a crush but shows its most extreme form, becoming a real problem for both the sufferer and the object of the obsession.
Thus, although the author who created the term directly related limerence to the concept of romantic love, there are many critical voices completely disconnecting them. In a scientific article signed by Albert Wakin and Duyen B. Vo it is stated that love and limerence are not interchangeable concepts and that neither of them is a subset of the other. Thus, they clearly distinguish both, pointing out limerence as a necessarily negative and harmful involuntary condition. These authors also add that love and limerence can be confused in the first steps of a romantic relationship but that over time they have unique and differentiated profiles as they note below:
In love and infatuation Initial intense feelings and absorption reactions from the other person are experienced, which end up adapting over time, reaching a more stable, healthy and committed relationship.
lLimerence implies total obsession and an involuntary state with an acute longing for emotional reciprocity, with obsessive-compulsive thoughts and emotional dependence. Even going so far as to adopt unfavorable behaviors such as control manias and persecution.
While in love everything flows, in obsession disproportionate reactions appear that may be poorly adjusted to reality and may have negative consequences for both people.
Causes of obsessive love
The causes of obsessive love or limerence are diverse and can begin as a crush, a sexual attraction or a state of intense sentimental affection or friendship and later become obsession and disorder. Obsessive love is characterized by intensity but also due to jealousy, lack of communication and physical and psychological symptoms, leading to toxic relationships, whether reciprocated or unrequited.
But, How does limerence originate? There are several options. Firstly, it can come from one or several positive and satisfactory experiences with that loved person or, secondly, it can appear after a prolonged period of distance from them. In this last case, with distance involved, we reach idealize completely both the physical beauty and the future together and to maintain a state of continuous invasive thoughts about the possibility of carrying out a successful and happy relationship.
Generally, the limerence or a limerent attitude It occurs in the case of people who have a tendency to become obsessed and long for what they want, ceasing to live and enjoy the present. For some specialists, the causes of this behavior can be found in childhood. An example of this would be the case of children who suffered abandonment or situations of low self-esteem that in adulthood lead to an anxious search to be loved and reciprocated, becoming obsessed with it.
People who suffer from limerence can develop numerous psychological but also physical symptoms. On the one hand, the desire for the feeling of love to be reciprocal causes them to have constant intrusive thoughts and rumination focusing all your attention on the person receiving that obsession and forgetting about yourself.
In addition, they take actions to get your attention, maintain constant contact and a control of all the other party’s reactions, leading to overinterpreting them. Any small sign is cause for action on the part of the limerent person and can lead, in very extreme cases, to manipulation and harassment In fact, people who suffer from this obsession want the other person’s well-being above all else, although they can put their own well-being (the fact of being together) above their will.
Limerence also causes clear symptoms in personal areas such as isolation and low work productivity, as well as lack of concentration and a state of anxiety due to uncertainty.
As for the physical symptoms of limerence This state can cause emotional ups and downs and emotional lability, such as a feeling of ecstasy or shyness when the recipient responds positively to any of the stimuli, to symptoms of anger, shame, and even depression when they feel rejected. Furthermore, you can somatize small conditions that may be more or less important. Some of them may be the following:
Tachycardias
High sensitivity and affection towards the person’s ceracania
Stuttering and shyness
Nerves in the stomach
Appetite problems, nausea or intestinal problems
Insomnia or nightmares
Sweating and tremors
Redness of the face or extremities.
Anxiety, panic attacks or depression.
Characteristics of people with limerence
In addition to the main symptoms of limerence falling in love, people with limerence also tend to have a very characteristic attitude in their relationships or bonds.
Constant fantasies: A limerent person will not be able to stop fantasizing about the future of a relationship that exists or with someone they do not yet know. In this way, the individual almost suffers the symptoms of falling in love even though nothing has actually happened yet.
He gets lost in his fantasies: Not only does he limit himself to fantasizing about their relationship, but he also limerence It is characterized by the fact that those who suffer from it end up losing themselves in each of their fantasies. So much so that you can spend hours doing it.
You feel anxious about seeing your lover : In addition to suffering some of the symptoms of falling in love, these people may suffer from the so-called anxiety for love So much so that when seeing their platonic love they may feel some of the symptoms of anxiety.
Idealize the loved one: One of the main problems with limerence is that limerent person He ends up putting his love on a pedestal. This way they may even rationalize her bad behavior and end up seeing the lovable undesirable qualities in her.
You think he is your better half: Obsession with a person can reach such a limit that even though you don’t know them, you believe that they are your ideal partner. So much so that in many cases the people with limerence They end up believing that he is their better half, although they do not exist.
They are jealous : Even though your relationship is non-existent, limerence makes you jealous of other links. In this way, the obsession with love ends up being harmful to the person who suffers from it.
You feel like you can’t live without them: Love obsession and its symptoms can make you suffer from a true emotional dependence on the person you secretly love. So much so that even limerence It can cause depression in the person who suffers from it.
These are some of the main attitudes that a person can have. person who has limerence If you think you are in this situation, it is vital to try to remedy this attitude or rely on a professional psychologist.
How to treat and overcome limerence
Like any other disorder, the first step to overcome limerence It is being aware that you are suffering. After that, we must analyze why it happens, what is the belief about love and romantic relationships behind it, as well as try to stop idealizing the other person by betting on realism, rationality and focusing on their defects and the inconveniences of the situation. In this way, to try to remedy this type of attitudes you can work on the following.
Self-awareness: Knowing yourself is the key to exercising honesty in various areas of your life. To do this, it is vital to take time to stop and reflect on your life and the attitude you have towards all the aspects that surround you. Self-knowledge will not only be vital to stop the symptoms of limerent love and limerence, but also to enjoy yourself.
Understand your impulses: To try to stop having this love knock or any symptom of limerence, it is vital to try to see the reason for each of these impulses. So much so that by analyzing and rationalizing your attitude it is very likely that you will see what is wrong with you.
Improve your self-esteem: There are many cases in which a limerent person tends to have a
