People are not always as we see them Behind everyone there is a story, sometimes more hidden than another.
In the world of ease, when we don’t understand something or someone we leave it aside. Therefore, this article aims to open another door to information, understanding and action about our own well-being and that of others. I am convinced that, If we add knowledge, we add empathy and I think there is no need to justify this thought.
Self-knowledge to connect with others and with ourselves
Empathy and consideration for our fellow human beings can allow us to live better, at home, at work, in sports and at leisure. For this to happen we have to know ourselves and not let our sometimes misleading perception confuse us. We treat ourselves as we believe we are, and that is how we treat others. But to look with clean eyes is to pretend to look with a little magnification.
Fear, like any human emotion, accompanies us throughout life. This means that trying not to feel it is not only a useless task but also unattainable. The good news is that it is correct to do so.
But like everything within our complex mind, what we must be attentive to is the quantum of fear that we carry. That is, if we evaluated it on a scale from 0 to 100, the measurement of 40 to 50 percent would be correct.
This amount of fear is necessary to be able to conduct ourselves in life in a way that allows us to protect ourselves from the real dangers that surround us.
So far nothing new, but if we continue investigating what other emotions usually accompany fear we can begin to find how this story begins to get complicated.
Understanding the fear of abandonment
In general, fear is not defined in a single way ; We can feel afraid of an animal, of a life crisis, of how we will go through grief, of being away from children in adulthood, of childbirth, of illnesses, or of an exam. We can feel fear in the dark or of death, but this deserves a special section for another time.
But there is a fear that walks silently, and it is one of the most difficult to treat because of the way it presents itself. I mean the fear of abandonment
Its manifestation is strange and apparently contradictory. But if we develop it we will find it easily, in such a way that we will not only help those who suffer from it, but also those who live with people who suffer from it.
In principle, the first thing to say about this manifestation of fear is that one suffers, a lot. He hides and is difficult to discover.
The person who suffers from fear of abandonment hardly recognizes it as such; This appears as the result of an incorrect evaluation of your own perception of reality. This does not mean that the person in question has an evaluation of reality that is included within some unusual psychic pathology, but rather that the way he evaluates himself is not as accurate as it should be.
So, What comes to light is a thought and a feeling of not being valuable enough so that others want to be close to them or appreciate their friendship. This causes a cascade of self-centered negative feelings to develop that over time undermine the possibility of building a personality that is not trapped within those sensations.
The sooner we know about this, the better the help we can provide and if we are the ones accompanying them, the easier the task of knowing what to do in the face of a crisis will be. Understanding how much pain they carry within themselves will make that we understand the need they have for a kind word, even if in general it is not well received I say this because telling someone who has that impoverished perception of themselves, to be confident at the same time in how important they are to us, is not an easy task.
They are subjects who need more than anyone to learn to trust, that does not come with them, therefore, the proof that we can give them of our love and the signs of security of our presence will be key to learning to conduct ourselves and favor the process.
It is clear that adequate therapeutic support is necessary under conscious guidelines and with knowledge of the problem. Knowing the path to follow and treating it with scientific rigor and respect, in addition to managing confidence in creating a support link where we will work and wait for well-being to arrive in its time.
Now, it is easy to understand that if we start from the fear of abandonment, the images and experiences we have on the subject were not the most encouraging. We grew up in places where contempt or the feeling of not being present for others was commonplace. That made us think about our lack of importance to those who were important to us. Not having a place in the other, not being part of, means that today we must direct those feelings of exclusion to the rest of those who accompany us; It is difficult for us to discern that the past only remained in our minds and that is what needs to be healed.
It is that boy girl whom we must learn to love. It is our identity today that we must listen to, build and melt to achieve being who I want to be, but first I must necessarily feel the right I have to that.
Jealousy, possession by others or objects, eating as if it were the end, not being able to manage those impulses are the result of all these repressed emotions that today become one, anger.
Anger lies beneath like burning lava, ready to come out at the first affront, real or imagined. That pain of abandonment entangled with all unbridled emotions translates into latent hatred to hurt without intention, but without control. This is why it becomes so difficult understand the mental process of these people, because the expression that is manifested is violent and wild. They can’t stop, understand, or love each other, in those moments it’s just an accumulation of feelings.
Thus, relationships with others become conflictive and reactions inexplicable, but this does not only happen on the outside, it also happens in parallel and within themselves. This emotional instability makes them confused when looking at each other and trying to understand each other.
People, generally those with whom they want or have to relate, are idealized and they go from being great friends, co-workers, or partners, but slowly or abruptly they become despised and sometimes denigrated beings. They suffer, unjustly, from being called ungrateful by all those who were given to them and do not understand the dedication and love that was placed in them. The most complicated thing is that these people are nothing more than a reflection of what they themselves feel about themselves.
In short, it is advisable to be aware that there are people who They can’t get along with themselves at all That they have a very low tolerance for frustration and that the way they observe reality is more generated by looking or imagining their interior, where judgments about whether they are cruel and the reasons for their misfortunes are generated by being certain of never reaching to feel the right that no human should lack, which is to be valuable and worthy of receiving affection and understanding from their fellow human beings.
Have the knowledge, although not exhaustive, that There is another way of seeing inner and outer life both in workplaces where the bonds may be less passionate (or not) than those expected between family, friends or the couple themselves, it allows us to detect these behaviors and awaken to a new way of seeing our partner and managing help. .
We are in a difficult world, in which processing emotions and giving space to others is not common, this small gesture of attention can change the other person a lot for the better, making our workplace a pleasant place to come to each tomorrow and each of us will allow ourselves to reflect on how important it is to have been looked at with clean eyes.
