Many couples wonder if it is possible overcome infidelity after knowing the involvement of a third person in their relationship, but the answer to this question basically depends on the reestablishment of the bond of trust between both and the degree of its impact, since in some cases it is permanently damaged and separation is the best solution for both.
Disappointment is the most common emotion linked to infidelity because knowing that we have been deceived produces an accumulation of negative feelings towards the partner that consequently degrade the image we had of him or her until then, and restoring it again is not always easy or viable.
Although infidelity is a complex topic when it comes to being studied, among other things due to the different cultural dynamics that exist in human societies and their implications in the way in which love and emotional relationships are understood in different countries, research focused on this phenomenon shows that the couple crises to which they give rise They do not have to put an end to a courtship or marriage, nor do they have to prevent these relationships from working from that moment on
This is due, among other things, to the fact that a crisis due to infidelity does not have to reveal personal needs or fundamental elements of the personality of the person who has been unfaithful. In the same way that there are a series of previous behavioral patterns that lead to infidelity, it is possible to intervene in those behavioral patterns and in the aspects of the context that have led to that situation, and “deactivate” them. No one is unfaithful by nature, but being unfaithful is learned, and everything that is learned can be unlearned.
Of course, that does not mean that in practice the best option is always to do everything possible to stop someone from breaking the rules of mutual commitment that exist in a relationship; Sometimes the best thing is to break up the relationship, and in fact, no victim of infidelity should feel guilty for deciding to break up with the other person. However, it is worth knowing that Not in all cases it is impossible for the relationship to continue forward
The context in which the infidelity has developed is as important as the infidelity itself, since a specific slip on a specific occasion is not the same as a temporary alignment in which relationships with a third person have alternated behind the couple’s back. . The latter would imply a contact beyond a simple adventure in which there has been an exchange of feelings and therefore, a premeditated action by the person involved towards deception that is much more difficult to forgive, and mutual trust is greatly affected.
How to overcome infidelity: keys to achieve it
Occasional affairs are also not decisive in knowing whether infidelity can be overcome, although these cases imply a stimulus in actions that are generally spontaneous and thoughtless in which the consequences of the acts have not been measured. The deceived person can also lose trust in your partner If after what happened you do not feel sure about whether that thoughtless action could be repeated.
What are the important aspects when moving forward when one has suffered infidelity? Let’s see them.
1. Sincerity
Sincerity on both sides is always the best way to face any problem that could happen in the couple, because in the case of infidelity, there are many conditions that can lead to seeking an external stimulus in personal relationships, and although this is not justification for taking such measures, the Being honest with the other could encourage common work on the weak points of the relationship or that the other considers defective in order to correct them and reach an agreement satisfactory to both.
2. Explore together the meaning of infidelity
Not everyone has to experience and perceive infidelity in the same way. In fact, the most normal thing is that at first, this relationship crisis is not seen in the same way.
For example, It is not unusual to realize, in situations like this, that everyone’s definition of the term “infidelity” is different , and that for many is not limited only to physical encounters. Talking about this helps the person who committed it to be more aware of the damage they have done.
Of course, keep in mind that the fact that someone becomes aware that the other person has a broader concept of “infidelity” than theirs is not in itself the end of the crisis nor does it make the pain they feel less real. and what your partner has felt, and that you have to work to demonstrate that you are capable of maintaining that commitment and repairing the damage caused.
2. Leave time for reflection
Leave space for the other person It is also a necessary aspect to know if an infidelity can be forgiven, since the initial reaction to deception is usually rejection and rejection by the person who committed it, a response that is induced by the clash of realities represented by the contrast of the image of the couple (often idealized) that is projected into the subconscious, which the conscious mind has to face when we see that things are not as we thought.
3. Know the reality
Exposing the facts and knowing the details of the problem is part of the recovery process to know if an infidelity can be overcome and at this point, it is essential to be as sincere as possible on both sides. avoiding going into sordid details that do not contribute to reestablishing the bond of trust such as comparisons about the intimacy maintained between the couple and the third person in question.
4. Break up (sincerely) with the third person
Breaking off relationships with the third person (that is, with whom you have had an intimate encounter, physical or not, and who transgresses the rules of mutual commitment of the relationship) It is necessary in all cases in which infidelity occurs although when this has occurred occasionally it is probably not necessary because the majority of these situations usually occur in relaxed environments such as parties and with unknown people with whom you generally do not have contact again.
If the third person involved is someone from the couple’s close circle, It may be necessary to introduce some modifications to the common routine such as a change of friends or job, in order to avoid tense situations that lead to remembering what happened, preventing turning the page within a vicious circle of blame and reproaches.
Starting from scratch
Overcoming infidelity is, in part, knowing how to refound the relationship on the basis of trust Therefore, once the couple has explained the situation and debated the issue extensively, leaving aside initial resentments, it is necessary to make it clear that if they give each other a second chance they are starting from scratch through a commitment assumed by both parties, which It implies that the person who has been unfaithful is consistent with the opportunity that is being offered and does not make the same mistake again.
But the other part too You must make the effort to continue without looking back avoiding at all costs mentioning what happened and falling into accusations or reproaches, since one of the main problems that couples usually face after having experienced this type of situation is the classic “I forgive but I don’t forget.”
This can induce one of the parties to permanently remember what happened, giving humiliating treatment to their partner as “revenge.” may fall into psychological abuse and that the affected person usually accepts because he thinks he deserves it, producing an exchange of roles in which the “victim” becomes the perpetrator, possibly because they skipped some of the previous points or they were not reinforced as they should, although in the cases that Those involved are unable to establish the starting point zero as an anchor, separation would be an option to consider in order not to prolong the suffering.
