Post-wedding Depression

Why does regret appear right after getting married even if it is clear that one wants and desires marriage? Discover the main causes of post-wedding depression.

Encarni Muñoz

We grow up learning that we have to pair up and get married because that will bring us happiness. We have lived since childhood with that belief And although times are changing and more and more couples are not getting married, there are still many people who do.

The fact is that when one decides to get married or is proposed to get married, one feels a adrenaline injection From that moment on all his worries are related to that day. Guests, details, gifts, dress or suit, location of the ceremony, location of the celebration, etc. All this generates a great expectation and he imagines that day as the happiest of his life. For a few months everything is lived with great delusion until the day and the honeymoon arrive. But once that moment passed, goes back to routine and reality and post-wedding “depression” may appear.

Why can we get depressed after getting married?

  • Euphoria and very high expectations: Getting married is the happiest day of their lives, and therefore, what follows after will necessarily be worse. Such high expectations make them want everything to go perfect and if that doesn’t happen, they get very sad. Furthermore, during the wedding there is a feeling of euphoria that when it ends produces an emotional void that leads to that temporary state of depression.
  • Fear to fail: After the wedding, a feeling of fear of having made a mistake may appear. Getting married is an important decision that involves many people. The fear of having been wrong can appear as a result of that pressure to make the relationship work “now that we are married we cannot fail.”
  • Have achieved a goal: The feeling of abyss that occurs when one reaches a goal can generate emotional discomfort. The dreaded, “what now?” Seeing happiness as a goal makes everything that remains less important once achieved. Happiness has to be a path not an objective. If there are no more goals to achieve with the couple, there may be a moment of crisis that can even lead to a romantic breakup or differences in goals (for example, one of the members wants to have children and the other does not).
  • Wedding as a solution to existing problems: Many times couples consider the wedding as a moment of disconnection to resolve existing problems of communication, trust, jealousy or any other aspect that makes the relationship not work as it did before. The wedding becomes a patch that once passed, the couple once again encounters the same difficulties of communication, trust, jealousy, etc.
  • Wedding as a way to save the relationship: There are couples who try to value the wedding as a break from routine, as rekindling the flame of the relationship that has stagnated. Especially for couples who have been living together or in a relationship for a long time, the wedding is proposed as an injection of energy. And many times it is like that, but in the same way that once fireworks explode they evaporate, that injection lasts as long as the wedding and the trip last. Then reality returns and this can be disconcerting and even cause a rebound effect.
  • Seeing yourself tied to someone: The lack of freedom, feeling that you are linked to another person and with obligations towards them, causes a feeling of suffocation that can lead to the appearance of problems in the couple that did not exist before.
  • Sense of belonging: In the same way as the previous point, the person may feel that his/her husband/wife is his/her own and demand things that were not required before, such as the prohibition of going out with friends, the obligation to give more explanations than what is expected. before they were given, etc.
  • Relax and don’t put effort into the relationship: Many times after the wedding the couple relaxes. What was intended has already been covered and they are not putting in as much effort as they should for the relationship. There is no longer any attempt to keep the flame alive nor is there any attempt to seduce or conquer the partner.
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All these possible causes/consequences of the wedding cause emotional instability which generally lead to couple problems.

It is important in all possible causes or consequences to work on the communication evaluate the situation, what has led them to be like this and detect the cause of that state of mind. Once this is done, we must try to find the solution together and try hard to solve it Once tested, if it is not achieved, it is essential to carry out a couple therapy to resolve these problems before wear and tear causes a romantic breakup. Many times couples wait until it is too late to ask for professional help and some of these relationships could be saved if mediation were carried out much sooner.

Encarni Muñoz Silva

Health psychologist, member number 16918