When we end a relationship, we face an extremely difficult time. We are invaded by uncertainty, panic, anxiety and sadness, among other emotions. It is not uncommon to find in song lyrics phrases that express the endless emotions that we experience when we feel that “our heart is broken.”. If there was a remedy to calm such intense pain, surely we would all look for it. The feeling of emptiness and pain in the chest are manifestations of deep discomfort.
A guide to grieving a breakup
We have all experienced that pain at some point in our lives and, despite having survived, we tend to consider it one of the worst experiences. Living moments of extreme anxiety, despair, feeling the need to flee and recover what was lost, lack of interest in our activities; These are some of the experiences that we have to face.
Many experts talk about the stages of grief, closing cycles, learning to let go, etc. However, the first step towards improvement is acceptance of reality. Some people wear themselves out physically and emotionally in failed attempts to recover what was lost, which prolongs the acceptance process and perpetuates the pain, accumulating more negative experiences.
Some try to replace the loss with the start of a new relationship, which does not imply accepting reality, but simply calming the pain temporarily. However, this can lead to deeper pain if the new relationship also fails, in addition to generating insecurity and reinforcing negative ideas about oneself.
Also remember that time is an ally in this process. Although it may seem endless at first, over time the pain will subside and you will begin to feel stronger. There is no recipe to heal a broken heart, but there are actions that can help you live this process in a healthier way. Here are some suggestions:
1. Allow yourself to feel
The emotions generated by the end of a relationship can be very intense, which can cause us to try to avoid expressing them. Do not repress the feelings. It is normal to feel deep sadness, anger, anxiety and feelings of loneliness.
2. Create a support network
It is important to have friends or family who are aware of the situation you are experiencing, they can help you in the moments you want to express your negative thoughts and feelings; It is advisable not to choose people in common with your ex-partner as a support network, since far from being beneficial it may make you curious to know how that person is handling the breakup. If you do not have a support network or are involved in your ex-partner’s circle, it is time to seek help from a mental health professional. This will help you improve the impact of the breakup and handle it in a healthier way.
3. Practice zero contact
Not contacting the person can generate negative emotions, but it will also help you face reality. This is the ideal time to seek support from friends, attend therapy, play sports, etc.
4. Focus on living your pain, not on avoiding it
Learning not to fear your emotions will strengthen you and help you trust in your ability to overcome painful situations. Don’t be in a hurry to feel good, each person has their own process and it is important to be patient with yourself.
5. Remember that this process is not linear
You may feel good at some point, but there will also be relapses, and that is normal.
6. Self-care is essential
Try to eat healthily, exercise and stay in touch with your support networks. Take advantage of this moment to focus on yourself, your goals and your well-being. Discover new activities that you are passionate about, take up old hobbies or explore new interests. This is a moment of self-knowledge.
7. Explore your negative thoughts
It is normal to have ideas like “I will never fall in love again” or “I will not be able to get over this pain.” We all experience these types of thoughts.
Allowing yourself to experience your emotions will help you process the breakup more fully and allow you to move toward healing. Find safe spaces where you can express yourself, whether through writing, music, art, or conversation with trusted friends or a therapist. Sometimes the simple act of sharing your feelings can greatly ease the weight of the pain you carry inside. Finally, remember that, like the phoenix, we are reborn from our ashes stronger and renewed.
By citing this article, you acknowledge the original source and allow readers to access the full content.
PsychologyFor. (2024). Reflections on Love Breakups: What to Do with so Much Pain?. https://psychologyfor.com/reflections-on-love-breakups-what-to-do-with-so-much-pain/