Responsibility to Be Able to Change

Taking or being responsible for our actions is one of the first steps in the change process. A person will hardly be able to move forward in improving or solving some of his problems without being clear about his responsibility, without assuming his ability to respond to what he does, feels and even thinks.

The importance of responsibility in personal development

People have a great capacity for change and adaptation towards new ways of thinking, feeling and acting, and good proof of this is the variations in these aspects that have occurred throughout each person’s life.

However, if we do not assume responsibility for our actions and resort to either “throwing things out” or the helpful “that’s how I am”, which limit the path towards change, progress or a modification of habits becomes very complicated.

Also on a personal level, from children to the elderly, there are substantial changes that go parallel to the awareness that we can act and influence things situations and our own way of performing.

It is curious to observe how children’s perception of things changes; Initially, events just happen, and little by little the child realizes that he makes them happen, he is responsible for throwing a glass, for having food brought to him, for demanding attention, for making a toy work. etc

As you have more experiences with people and the environment, your ability to do and choose what you do increases. It is not surprising that immaturity is often equated with lack of responsibility.

The freedom to choose

Responsibility has a fundamental and rarely underlined prerequisite or antecedent. The freedom of choice.

The idea can be summarized as: I am responsible for what I choose because I could have chosen something else; “The verb to choose implies responsibility and I cannot help but be responsible for my own life and for most of the things I do to build it.”

Responsibility is not obligation, it is answering for what one did. That another has indicated, suggested and even ordered me does not eliminate my freedom to choose and decide. The freedom to choose is experienced as something pleasant and pleasurable but I can feel guilty for what I chose and I can regret having to respond to that choice since most choices have consequences; negative, positive or both types. Responsibility does not deny the influence of different factors or variables on our behavior, what it highlights is the ability, sometimes requiring great effort, to choose despite these factors.

Wanting or expecting someone to take charge of our choices is wanting to continue living as a child so that others can choose for us. However, we cannot escape the idea that we are free and therefore responsible for everything we do.

It doesn’t matter that we blame the laws, the environment, the environment, education, what they command or influence us. We choose in every moment of our actions, although some choices are as quick and as automatic as the behaviors we perform when we drive or feel happy at a pleasant encounter with a family member or friend.

Self-limitations are choices. We are autonomous and we set our own standards. I can change my choice because I am free. There are elections that open and others that close; I can choose to change what I don’t like, I can choose to stay in a habit that hurts me, I can choose to behave like a victim, I can change the way I relate to others.

Being free is choosing to do only while limited by my capacity and physical condition. Everything else depends on my choice.

Conclusion

Responsibility is the most important part of your commitment to a future free of maladaptive behaviors. It involves getting up, recognizing what we have done or not done, accepting your strengths and limitations, and moving forward. It has nothing to do with guilt but with acceptance and personal growth.

If you dare to take responsibility and change certain behaviors and beliefs, it may be a good time to start psychological therapy, but, remember, responsibility does not imply guilt. Guilt anchors us in the past, we beat ourselves up with something that has been done and this paralyzes us, that is, it is useless and limiting; However, responsibility makes us assume our actions and, regarding what happens to us, assume the part that depends on us, an essential factor for the success of psychological therapy.

Author: Marta Marín, psychologist at Mariva Psychologists