Do you try something but you don’t succeed? Is something stopping you from moving forward? Maybe you tend to self-sabotage. Discover how to identify it and what to do to leave self-sabotage behind.
We can all self-sabotage at some time or another. But, when self-sabotage is very persistent, this can lead you to face challenges in different areas of your life, whether at home, school, work, and even in relationships. Understanding why self-sabotage occurs and how to deal with it is one of the first steps you should take if you want to love yourself more.
He self sabotage It is a pattern of thoughts, behaviors and attitudes, which often occur unconsciously, that create obstacles in your daily life. When a person begins to self-sabotage themselves, they are actually trying to stay in their comfort zone. This means staying safe instead of facing risk and growing as a person.
Although this mechanism is unconscious, the reality is that this self sabotage It does not allow us to make a change, and in fact in the long run it ends up being something negative for us. In fact, if self-sabotage is continuous, people can see many aspects of their lives affected, from their career to their relationships.
Signs of self-sabotage
He self-sabotaging behavior It is different in each case and in fact varies greatly from one person to another. However, there are some common attitudes that can be identified when people are sabotaging themselves:
Not facing responsibilities: People who tend to self-sabotage They tend to avoid their day-to-day responsibilities. In many cases, these commitments or duties can be ‘forgotten’.
Failure to fulfill commitments: He mental self-sabotage It also translates into not fulfilling certain social commitments.
Lack of preparation: When the people sabotage themselves They tend not to prepare things too much because of this.
Misalignment between desires and actions: Even though they want with all their might to perform an action, people who tend to self sabotage They may unconsciously not do what they really want.
Substance use: When things get tough, people who tend to to self sabotage They may try to cope with feelings of guilt through the consumption of substances such as alcohol or drugs.
These are some of the characteristics of self-sabotage On many occasions, individuals who tend to face problems through these types of attitudes may end up suffering from a mental disorder because of it.
Why do I self-sabotage?
We all encounter obstacles in our lives. There are moments where they appear more than others. But we learn to grow and move forward. He self sabotage It begins when we resist these changes, to feel discomfort about something that we have not previously felt or experienced and that scares us, and we even avoid experiencing it again for fear of suffering again.
Have you never had a friend or acquaintance explain to you that they have a great project, but don’t end up doing it? Have you met a perfect person, but such perfection is not for you? There are many circumstances in which we must make a decision that will change our lives. In these cases, people may have a self-sabotaging attitude due to the following causes:
Fears and insecurities: When we face a fear or feel insecure about a situation, many people can self-sabotage for fear of facing them.
Low self-esteem: People who have a negative self-image tend to self-sabotage due to this poor perception of themselves. That is, they unconsciously behave to confirm the negative beliefs they may have about themselves. So, when they are close to achieving success, they feel uncomfortable.
Difficult childhood: Growing up in a dysfunctional family can contribute to people using the self sabotage unconsciously. This is because of attachment theory which implies that the way our caregivers treat us affects the way we connect with ourselves and others.
Difficulty in relationships: If you have had bad experiences in your relationships, whether with friends, family or your partner, it is possible that you unconsciously tend to self-sabotage
Cognitive dissonance: Normally, people who tend towards self sabotage They often struggle with cognitive dissonance, that is, the mental discomfort of having two conflicting ideas at the same time. This is because we all tend to seek coherence between our beliefs and actions. Therefore, when this does not exist, we can use self-sabotage to align them, even though this may contribute to an unfavorable situation for us.
He self sabotage It is a destructive behavior that can affect us in many aspects of our routine. In fact, people who tend to engage in this type of behavior may become demotivated and anxious because of it.
Types of self-sabotage
We can classify self sabotage in four types, where surely at some point in your life you have been able to feel identified.
Not finishing things: That moment, especially professional, where we start many things, but never finish them and end up having many half-finished tasks that we will end up abandoning.
Procrastination: That moment when we realize that we have left everything until the last minute. Thus, we will always have the excuse of lack of time if it doesn’t go well.
Perfection: When we decide not to do things because if they are not perfect we don’t want them. In this way, we ensure that we do not fail.
Excuses: There are all kinds of excuses for not accepting that we are afraid, from I don’t have money to I’m too old for this.
How to stop self-sabotage?
Realize that you are self-sabotaging It is the first thing you should do to avoid doing it. Once you are aware that you are doing it and in what type of situations it is time to impose yourself on it:
Get ready: Write down your goals or desires and even tell them to others to commit to what you really want to do. But, don’t leave it! Start a plan to start carrying it out.
Give yourself time: You won’t be able to solve it overnight. Start by introducing small changes to reach your final goal.
Believe it: If you don’t trust yourself and that you really deserve it, making changes is not going to help you. Get motivated and start accepting that you are capable of doing it.
Feel in balance: Find your mental, physical and emotional balance to feel good about yourself. Your positivity in seeing things will begin to change.
Examine the causes of self-sabotage: To end self-sabotage, it is essential that you analyze what is causing it. Thus, try to look for patterns in your life that could be the reason behind self-sabotage.
Stop procrastinating: People who tend toward self-sabotage often tend toward procrastination. If we keep postponing something that is important to you, you will never be able to achieve your goals.
Change your perspective: To avoid acts of self-sabotage, try not to obsess over the details. It is crucial to enjoy what you do and not worry about the mistakes you may make along the way.
Don’t be perfectionists: As we have indicated, people who self-sabotage tend to be overly perfectionistic. In fact, a common trait is that they overthink every detail and that everything must be right. To stop doing this, you must make small improvements day by day.
Self sabotage It is a sign that something is wrong with ourselves. If you think that you abuse this type of attitude too much, perhaps it would be interesting for you to consult with a professional psychologist. Going to therapy will make you see the reasons for self-sabotage and will allow you to leave this behavior behind with the best strategy.
