Relationships, whether as a couple or less associated with emotional ties, they are always complex. This means that, while it is true that they allow us the option of creating very well-established friendships and love affairs, they also leave a wide margin for things to go wrong for a wide variety of reasons.
The different types of emotional blackmail that exist They realize how complicated these relationships are, since they are a way of making us feel guilty for what happened in the past, when what really happened is no reason to feel bad about ourselves. That is: there are ways to ensure that, when we look back, we see a trajectory of events that almost forces us to do what the other person wants.
- Related article: “Psychological profile of the emotional blackmailer, in 5 traits and habits”
Types of emotional blackmail
In this article we will see what these types of emotional blackmail are and what the ideas and messages are hidden behind them.
1. The elephant in the room
The “elephant in the room” concept refers to an idea or fact that, although important and is present in the thoughts of all the people involvedit is not faced, it is avoided talking about it.
In the same way, a type of emotional blackmail is based precisely on feigning a supposed normality in such a forced way that it is clear that there is something wrong, the “nullified” issue being some type of conflict that both members of a relationship know and that they should talk to resolve it.
The fact that someone acts towards another person in a way that screams the existence of a taboo It is something that creates a rarefied atmosphere in which the conflict is sensed all the time and, consequently, guilt does not leave us.
Punishing oneself in front of the other member of the couple is one of the most common forms of emotional blackmailfor its simplicity and its emotional impact.
Furthermore, the negative implications of self-punishment are so strong that it is even possible to fake them, since the possibility that someone is suffering means that we often do not stop to critically analyze whether it is true or not. For example, one person may pretend to make a sacrifice to answer the other, without that sacrifice existing: He says that he was planning to go see his parents and he won’t be able to do it, but maybe he didn’t even feel like doing it.
- You may be interested: “The 30 signs of psychological abuse in a relationship”
Gaslighting is a type of manipulation very common in contexts of abuse. It consists of making the other person believe that their mental abilities do not make them capable of knowing what is really happening, and that what they believe are reasons to get angry in reality are not.
For example, convincing the other person that they were never promised something when in reality it did happen, and blaming them for making up memories. This phenomenon makes the other person feel bad about themselves and believe that It is the other who is having a lot of patience..
- Related article: “Gaslighting: the most subtle emotional abuse”
4. Suicide threats
It is very important to make it clear that not all statements related to the possibility of committing suicide are a form of emotional blackmail. In fact, most people who take their own lives give notice beforehand. That is why in any case, in the event of reactions of this type (for example, in the context of a breakup), it is very important to seek professional help.
5. Mercantilist blackmail
This is a type of blackmail in which attempts are made to induce guilt highlighting facts that apparently can be interpreted as sacrifices that have been made for the other person. For example, paying for a few drinks. The logic behind this reasoning is that everything that at first seemed to be a spontaneous display of kindness actually had a price, one that is decided after the fact at the convenience of the blackmailer.
6. Verbal abuse
Verbal abuse is considered a form of mistreatment, but it also has a facet as a type of emotional blackmail. This is because through insults and belittlement we get the other person to internalize the idea that you are worthless, that your own judgment does not matter and that, therefore, the best thing to do is to obey. Self-esteem is very resentful.
7. Blackmail of necessity
Some people try to emotionally blackmail others using a type of speech according to which they have “basic needs” that they need to satisfy, something they cannot fight against. This makes being forced to satisfy them seem the most reasonable thing to do, and not doing so would give rise to guilt.
This type of emotional blackmail is typical of some relationships. It is based on the idea that there is one party that protects the other, which in practice means that one of the people must be controlled by your partner. Questioning this would be an attack on the well-being of the relationship, so there is no attempt to break this dynamic.