The Myth of the Better Half: Why You Shouldn’t Look for Your Better Half?

Do you think you must find your better half to be happy? Do you know where the myth of the better half comes from? Discover the origin of this belief and how it affects you psychologically.

On some occasions, the reason why a person shows their dissatisfaction in their relationship lies in false beliefs or hyperbolic and idyllic expectations. In this way they create ideas like the better half, which end up becoming part of our general culture. The problem with both the myth of the better half and the others is that these mental schemes do not adjust to reality.

Are ideals good in love?

So much so, that in relationships in which one of the members is more emotionally dependent than the other, this can create a somewhat irrational expectation of what love is, what a relationship entails and the qualities or characteristics What your partner should have. Therefore, the existence of the half orange Not only is it a symbolic concept that is far from reality, but it also frequently causes constant dissatisfaction in all those who wander in search of it.

We must, then, start from the basis that people are, individually, the whole orange and that the couple is a mere complement that enhances our happiness or one more part, although special, of everything that makes up our lives. Metaphorically speaking, one could say that a relationship between two people is one in which two complete oranges together form an exquisite or very appetizing juice, a juice of larger quantities that satisfies many of the hungry desires and that enhances the flavor of each one. of the parts, squeezing it and extracting its best essences but, without forgetting, that both juices are, by themselves, a complete piece that has each and every one of its segments.

These segments would be each of the values, emotions, opinions, personal resources, virtues, defects, experiences, social and work networks, hobbies…, that make up the individual and that characterize him. So, according to this theory, what we should really look for is not half orange that completes half of these segments of which we believe we do not have but, rather, another orange that also has all of them and that are similar to ours or that have the capacity to enhance them and make the sum of each one of them, be a good combination.

The myth of the better half

The origin of myth of the better half we find it in Plato, specifically in his work The banquet and it is the first myth that refers to love between humans since the previous ones spoke of love between gods.

In this way, we must look for the origin of the myth of the better half in the teachings of Aristophanes told through the work of Plato. This story explains how in the beginning humans were completely perfect spherical beings. So much so that they had four arms, four legs and two identical faces, one on each side of the head.

The problem arose when these beings, because of their appearance, believed themselves powerful enough to challenge the gods. That is why Zeus punished them by breaking them in two. Since then, people have wandered the world in search of our better half

As we can see the myth of the better half It makes us believe that when we are alone we are imperfect. In this way, we require another person to be perfection. This story of the orange has caused certain havoc in our culture and especially in our conception of love.

Why you shouldn’t look for your better half?

Two complementary oranges are those that accompany each other, that help each other, that motivate each other, that support each other, that respect each other, that take care of each other and not those in which each of their halves fits into the other’s half, into the that half of one eclipses half of the other or, in which one of them does not function without the existence or presence of the other. If we analyze the idea of ​​the myth of the better half we can find some implications behind it. So much so that this orange story can harm the love relationships we have today.

1. We are looking for someone to fill us up

The big mistake that hides the idea behind the myth of the better half It is considering that we are incomplete beings. It implies thinking that to achieve fulfillment and achieve our happiness we need to find that person who completes the part we are missing and fills our existential voids. In reality, we should not pay attention to the myth of the better half, since personal growth is an individual task. Leaving that responsibility to the other not only generates discomfort but also creates emotional dependency.

2. Happiness depends on us

No one has to carry the burden of making us happy. Happiness is within ourselves and regardless of whether we are in a relationship or not. In fact, for a relationship to be satisfactory it is absolutely necessary that each one be complete, independent and happy. Being two people who decide to be together, not because they lack anything, but because they want to share their life and their happiness. We are not complete as you imply the myth of the half oranges we complement each other.

3. There is no such thing as perfection

It is a mistake to think that “We’re made for each other” or what “Together we form a perfect orange.” Are phrases of the better half They reveal a toxic attitude due to this cultural myth about love. When we start a relationship with someone and we are in the phase of falling in love, we idealize the other and the relationship, it seems that we fit together perfectly. However, that perfection does not exist, since we are two different people (although it is obvious, it is good to point it out) and conflicts, different points of view and opinions arise. The myth of the better half leads us to think that we have to understand each other and flow effortlessly, but living as a couple is something that is learned.

4. He is the chosen person

There is no single person or single possibility of being happy. It is important to assume that falling in love is the result of chance and that two people being happy together is the result of their abilities to be happy, their abilities, their efforts, their patience or their emotional intelligence. Loving a person is a decision, and that decision cannot be made based on whether the other person meets our expectations of a “perfect partner” or fits us in the same way as in the myth of the better half

5. Don’t be afraid of loneliness

One of the implications behind the idea of ​​the myth of the better half It is that we cannot be happy alone. In this story of love and etymology written on a Greek stool, people had to find their other half to be truly happy. In reality, you can reach absolute happiness if you accept yourself despite not having a partner.

6. We idealize the couple

Because of this myth of the better half and its integration into popular wisdom, it is very common to encounter people who think that the ideal person exists for them. These types of thoughts only lead to despair and the most toxic behaviors.

7. We need others to feel good

Feeling good about yourself is one of the keys to finding love. Therefore, the idea of ​​trying to erase our defects with another person will never work in your relationships. Self-knowledge and self-esteem are vital for love to flow between two people.

These points are vital not only to find an ideal partner, but to be happy in your relationships. On many occasions we cannot find a partner because of our psychological problems. If this is your case, a good solution is to go to a mental health specialist. But you must keep in mind that happiness only depends on you.

Currently, this is initially rejected better half idea and it is increasingly criticized, but the truth is that this myth has reached our days and the idea of ​​finding that person who is made for you is still present in our beliefs. Although it may seem like a harmless romantic expression, which is still frequently used in art and the media, it is an idea that generates unhappiness and is behind many relationship problems.