What Is Phubbing And How Does It Affect Our Relationships?
We are immersed in the era of technology in which many adults say they cannot live without it. With the widespread popularization of electronic devices, especially mobile phones, new interpersonal conflicts have arisen as people have begun to use them in a problematic way for themselves and their relationships.
Have you ever been talking to someone who was distracted by their cell phone? Did you get the feeling that he was more interested in his phone than in the conversation? If so, then you have been phubbed. In this PsychologyFor article, we will tell you what is the phubbing and how it affects our relationships Discover more about this new reality in which mobile phones intrude, interrupt or interfere with the communication and interactions of couples, family and friends in everyday life.
The term phubbing refers to the act of interrupting or ignore an in-person conversation to answer the phone mobile. Scientific evidence has shown that the phubbing is quite common and normalized behavior nowadays. Dimmick, Feaster and Hoplamazian(1) point out in a study that mobile phones are altering our daily routines and taking up our free time, due to their ability to satisfy a wide variety of needs and serve multiple purposes.
Thus, the characteristics of the mobile phone promote the phubbing. We show them below so you can identify them:
It has various functionalities : calculator, alarm, social networks, etc.
It is a form of entertainment during leisure or waiting times.
It can give the sensation of feeling valued when you interact with other people through chats or social networks.
While there is no doubt that technology can be used in many beneficial ways, such as communicating with people who live far away, it is also likely to be harmful if not used correctly. In particular, many people keep their cell phones close at all times, even next to their bed while they sleep, which encourages feeling of being permanently connected information overload, discomfort when having to disconnect and/or turn off the cell phone and the feeling of loss of control.
If you want to better understand these effects and their consequences, don’t miss this article about technology addiction: what it is, causes, symptoms, consequences and treatment.
How phubbing affects our close relationships
Mobile phones are so popular and have such attractive features that some people and families are beginning to use them in a problematic way and that is affecting their personal relationships.
The misuse of technology results in moments in which Technological devices interfere with communication and interactions family, friends and partners, causing misunderstandings and conflicts. Most likely, these relational conflicts arise because the time spent on the cell phone displaces the time that could be dedicated to the relationship.
An example of phubbing It could be paying attention to notifications when a friend is telling you about a dilemma. As we can see, this phenomenon has become more than just a slight or a lack of good manners.
How phubbing affects relationships
The almost omnipresence of cell phones can cause tension in relationships. A common complaint is when one partner feels ignored because his or her spouse can’t separate himself from her cell phone. Frequent interruptions from watching the screen make the couple feel disconnected and less present, which reduces the quality of the relationship
In a study conducted at Baylor University, James Roberts and Meredith David(2)They found that high levels of phubbing are associated with less satisfying relationships and more conflicts in the couple This effect is even greater for those members of the couple with abandonment anxiety.
As you see, the phubbing It is especially problematic for those people who feel insecure in their relationships. Why do people turn to cell phones instead of their partners? Possible reasons could be that they find the cell phone more entertaining or relaxing, they are bored, or they are bothered by their partner. Furthermore, if you are in a relationship that is not meeting your emotional needs, you are more likely to turn to phubbing.
How to avoid phubbing
Next, we will explain some strategies to avoid the phubbing. Do not miss it!
Be more aware : Sometimes, you look at your phone almost automatically without realizing it. The key to avoiding phubbing is to stay focused as long as possible on the interaction with the other person and apologize if you need to check your phone. If you’re in the middle of a conversation, try to make your time together count. Not only quantity matters, but quality, that is, that they are valuable and useful interactions.
Be present in the here and now : It is important to be fully present in the moment and avoid getting distracted from the conversation. The lack of presence and commitment in the meeting diminishes its importance and weakens interactions. When you’re chatting, put your phone down or put it in your pocket. This will help you stay engaged, aware, and focused in the moment.
Be open and transparent : To start and maintain a good connection with another person, it is important to listen and speak with emphasis. Being open, honest and transparent will help you create higher quality connections with other people. If you are trying to mask your feelings, it is likely that you will cause confusion in the other person and they will perceive you as a distant person.
Practice active listening : allows you to assimilate what the person you are talking to is transmitting to you, put it into your own words and provide them feedback. Furthermore, active listening gives rise to possible clarifications and nuances that enrich the conversation.
What to do when someone does you phubbing
If you are the one they do phubbing, you should know that there are several ways to address the situation. We show them to you below:
Don’t ignore the phubbing when it happens : as soon as someone makes you phubbing, put it on the table and make it obvious, always in a compassionate way and without outbursts. This will let the person know that the conversation you were having is not moving forward, that you are not going to ignore their distraction, but it is also important that you are willing to be flexible.
Resume the conversation when there are no distractions : It is important to convey the message that your time and attention are important. If your interlocutor is distracted by his cell phone, you can offer to resume the conversation at another time. It is a gentle but effective way to resolve the situation, as it raises awareness in the phubber that their behavior has an impact on others.
This article is merely informative, at PsychologyFor we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to What is phubbing and how does it affect our relationships? we recommend that you enter our Couples Therapy category.
References
Dimmick, J., Feaster, J.C., & Hoplamazian, G.J. (2011). News in the interstices: The niches of mobile media in space and time. New media & society, 13(1), 23-39.
Roberts, J. A., & David, M. E. (2016). My life has become a major distraction from my cell phone: Partner phubbing and relationship satisfaction among romantic partners. Computers in human behavior, 54134-141.
Bibliography
Coyne, S.M., Stockdale, L. Busby, D., Iverson, B., & Grant, D.M. (2011). I luv u :): A descriptive study of the media use of individuals in romantic relationships. Family Relations, 60150–162.
Middleton, C. A., & Cukier, W. (2006). Is mobile email functional or dysfunctional? Two perspectives on mobile email usage. European Journal of Information Systems, 15(3), 252–260.
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Beautiful thinking in action: Positive psychology, psychodrama, and positive psychotherapy. The Journal of Psychodrama, Sociometry, and Group Psychotherapy, 66(1), 49-67.
