What No One Has Told You About Internalized Homophobia In Men
Internalized homophobia has to do with thoughts, behaviors and/or emotions of rejection towards one’s own homosexuality. Therefore, the person tends to hide his real sexual orientation.
Rejection is not only external, but also inward, discriminating against one’s own homosexual identity.
Internalized homophobia is not easy to diagnose. It is based on very small and subtle rejections. Besides, There is another fundamental component: self-deception. When you have this type of homophobia, it is difficult to recognize it.
The person with internalized homophobia is justified by the fact that society is going to establish an initial rejection and, therefore, the homosexual person has to hide at all costs. Later we will talk about what is actually happening here is that there is an unresolved trauma that has to do with the rejection of our sexual identity.
It has a very negative impact on the person, since they are not allowed to live a full life.; She has the feeling that she has to constantly hide a part of her identity for fear of being rejected by others or by herself. In addition, thoughts of toxic shame and self-disgust appear, which leads to the possible development of anxiety and depression. In more serious cases, it even leads to suicide.
Examples
I give you some examples of phrases indicating internalized homophobia:
Where does internalized homophobia originate?
One of the contexts in which it originates is in the family of origin; when we have parents or other family members who reject homosexuality directly or indirectly. There are times when it is not necessary for them to tell us explicitly that they reject homosexuals, but we can know it from comments like: “look at those two holding hands, who can think of that?” Or, “son, don’t speak with those feminine gestures, it looks bad on you.” Or simply when we see that our cousins play soccer and we like to do rhythmic gymnastics, feeling strange and embarrassed about it.
It also originates at school. It is the ideal breeding ground for the development of this wound in sexual identity. Classmates always bully the person who is different, more feminine, with a different skin tone, etc.
The third context in which internalized homophobia originates is society itself. How many gay series, advertisements, or movies are made? It is clear that the figure of the homosexual person is still not normalized, as are homosexual relationships. Not to forget the rejections that can be suffered on the street itself, although less and less, for the simple fact of going hand in hand with your boyfriend or wearing “feminine” clothing.
These three environments generate relational trauma and give rise to a very large rejection wound. To survive these first childhood environments in which rejection occurs continuously, the child absorbs within himself a critical, hard part, full of shame, disgust and self-rejection.
Thus, learn to hate yourself and hide to survive. And it dissociates or disconnects an inner child full of rage and pain. So in therapeutic work with sexual identity, work with trauma and dissociation will be essential.
How to heal internalized homophobia?
Follow these guidelines to confront and overcome internalized homophobia:
You may have already realized that healing internalized homophobia is a very complex process and that It has to be done by starting psychotherapy. Many of the things I tell you to heal it can only be done in a psychotherapeutic space.
Please be free, live your life fully. You don’t deserve less. Society can hurt you a lot, but that doesn’t mean you have to continue hiding. No one is going to attack you as harshly as when you were little. And if they do, think that now your adult can defend themselves. You are no longer that rejected child.
