10 Ways To Calm An Anxiety Attack By Another Person
To calm an anxiety attack from another person you must listen to him, do not invade his personal space, help him do breathing exercises and offer him a safe and without judgments. Witnessing it can be a complicated experience, especially if you don’t know how to help.
When someone you care about experiences an anxiety attack, it can feel terrifying — for both of you. Many people freeze or say the wrong thing simply because they don’t know how to help. But with the right tools and mindset, you can become a source of calm, reassurance, and safety.
Anxiety attacks — although not always diagnosable as panic attacks — are real, intense emotional episodes that may include symptoms such as chest tightness, trembling, dizziness, fear of losing control, and a sense of unreality. Whether triggered by trauma, phobias, or accumulated stress, they are debilitating and deeply isolating.
Here’s how to respond in a way that is truly helpful and healing.
Your presence matters more than your words. If you remain centered and composed, you’re already helping. People in distress often mirror the emotions of those around them, so if you panic, they’ll likely spiral further.
Take slow, deliberate breaths, keep your voice soft and steady, and avoid sudden movements. Your body language should radiate calmness. Being present and unshaken can regulate their nervous system.
Guide Their Breathing
One of the most effective ways to interrupt an anxiety attack is by regulating breathing. When someone is panicking, they tend to hyperventilate, which can increase feelings of fear and dizziness.
Encourage the 4-7-8 breathing technique:
Inhale through the nose for 4 seconds
Hold the breath for 7 seconds
Exhale slowly through the mouth for 8 seconds
Even if they can’t do it perfectly, focusing on the pattern is often enough to shift attention away from the panic.
Use Grounding Techniques
Anxiety often disconnects a person from reality. You can gently bring them back to the present using grounding strategies that engage their senses.
The 5-4-3-2-1 technique works well:
5 things they can see
4 things they can touch
3 things they can hear
2 things they can smell
1 thing they can taste
Speak these prompts out loud and give them time to respond. You’re not quizzing them — you’re helping their brain shift away from fear and into the present moment.
Offer Reassuring Words — Gently
Words matter, but how you say them matters more. Avoid dismissive phrases like “Calm down” or “You’re fine.” Instead, try affirming and grounding phrases such as:
“You’re safe right now.” “I’m here with you.” “This will pass.”
Speak slowly and confidently. Don’t overwhelm them with too much talking. Sometimes, silence and presence are just as comforting as speech.
Encourage Gentle Movement or a Change of Environment
Staying still can sometimes worsen anxiety symptoms. Encourage light movement or a change of environment to break the loop.
If indoors, suggest walking outside or moving to a space with better airflow. Even standing up and walking slowly in circles can help dissipate the adrenaline.
If the person feels trapped in a space (like a crowded room), calmly guide them to a quieter area — always respecting their pace and preferences.
Respect Physical Boundaries
In your effort to help, don’t assume the person wants a hug or physical contact. Ask first.
Say things like: “Would you like me to hold your hand?” “Would touch help right now?”
If they say yes, keep it gentle and still. If they say no, continue offering verbal support. Respect builds safety, and safety is the foundation of recovery in the moment.
Don’t Try to Fix or Analyze the Situation
This is not the time for “What triggered this?” or “Let’s talk about it.” The analytical brain is offline during an anxiety attack.
Focus instead on helping them get through it. Once they’re calm, you can talk about what happened, but avoid problem-solving during the episode. Keep your attention on comfort and presence.
Use Soothing Sensory Tools
Certain physical sensations can ground and calm someone quickly. If available, offer them a glass of cold water, a soft blanket, or a calming scent like lavender.
Helpful tools include:
Weighted blankets (offer deep pressure that regulates the nervous system)
Essential oils (lavender, chamomile, or peppermint to activate olfactory calm)
Fidget items or textured fabrics (redirect tactile focus)
Ice cubes or cold compresses (shock the system gently back to the present)
You can even guide them to focus on the feeling of their feet on the ground or the texture of their clothing.
Normalize the Experience
Anxiety attacks can make someone feel ashamed, broken, or “crazy.” That stigma can worsen symptoms and prolong recovery.
Reassure them that what they’re experiencing is:
Common
Understandable
Manageable
Say things like: “A lot of people go through this — you’re not alone.” “This doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.” “You’re incredibly strong for getting through it.”
Just knowing that their experience is valid and accepted can reduce fear and tension.
Help Them Prepare for the Future
Once they’ve fully recovered, and only if they’re ready, talk with them about creating a personal anxiety management plan. This empowers them and allows you to better support them going forward.
Elements of a simple plan may include:
Recognizing early warning signs
Practicing daily breathing or mindfulness exercises
Avoiding common triggers when possible
Keeping a support list of trusted people to contact
Seeking professional therapy if episodes are frequent or severe
Encourage small steps without pushing. Healing happens on their timeline, not yours.
Being there for someone during an anxiety attack is one of the most compassionate, human things you can do. You don’t need to be a therapist or say the perfect words — you just need to be present, calm, and supportive. That alone can be life-changing.
References
American Psychiatric Association (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th edition). Arlington: Pan -American Medical Editorial.
Martínez Mallen, M., López Garza, DN (2011). Anxiety disorders. Magazine Neurology, Neurosurgery and Psychiatry, 44 (3), 101-107.
