Why I Feel Like No One Cares About Me And What To Do

People who have the feeling that no one cares about them experience this situation with great anguish. They have thoughts like “I’m alone and no one cares about me” or “my boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t care about me.” But, in reality, is this sensation a totally unjustified subjective perception of these people or is there an objective reality that supports this belief? And if so, why is it that no one cares or is interested in them?

Although the perception of that reality is something totally subjective that arises from a belief internalized by the affected person, it is no less true that in most cases the objective reality It corresponds to this person’s perception for two reasons:

1. The neglected environment. Because the family environment has effectively neglected the care of this person during their childhood for various reasons (illness of the caregiver or child; abuse; inability to adequately care for other children, lack of parenting skills, etc. ).
2. The person walks away. Because the very belief of these people that they do not matter to anyone, provokes in them attitudes and behaviors that lead them to, finally, causing people to not take them into account.

The reason why these people are not really cared for is due to the “self-fulfilling prophecy”, a phenomenon that we will explain in the next section.

For what reasons do I feel like no one cares about me? The main reason why a person has internalized the belief that no one cares For him it is due to some primary fact of childhood:

• Some traumatic event strong.
• Experiences of stress or lack of attention from pregnancy to the first year of life.
• Negligence.
• Abuse

This fact, which is usually accompanied in parallel by a improper care not aware on the part of the parents or of the persistence of the abuse, causes in these people a feeling of rejection towards themselves, by internalizing as their own the idea of ​​themselves that they have received from their caregivers based on the treatment they have offered them: I don’t deserve, I’m not worth it, that’s why they reject me.

Due to this experience, the idea of ​​personal worthlessness is established in their unconscious, which will establish within them a kind of filter that will lead them to process external and internal information based on that erroneous belief.

As a defense mechanism, because they cannot make this rejection of themselves their own, they project it onto others, causing what in psychology is called the “self-fulfilling prophecy” whose operation we explain below.

The self-fulfilling prophecy

Projecting their rejection onto others means that they are convinced that other people are going to reject them. This leads them to act in a shy, avoidant and fearful manner. It is precisely, your own behavior, which manifests itself at a verbal level (uncommunicative, anxious, weak tone of voice, etc.) and especially at a non-verbal level (hunched posture, averted gaze, reluctance to contact, body contraction, etc.) which ultimately causes , that people do not approach or move away after the first approach. This generalized reaction in their social relationships, confirms your initial belief that nobody cares about them because, in reality, they are not worth it. These are people with very low self-esteem who depend disproportionately on external evaluation.

As we have seen, feeling like no one cares about you comes from a belief and experiences that can be worked on. The steps to take in therapy To put an end to this situation and, thereby, eliminate the emotional discomfort that this belief generates in the affected people are the following:

• The first step to be taken is become aware that part of that reality is being generated by himself with his own attitude and behavior and understanding that this way of acting is determined by a defense mechanism created in childhood to protect himself from the pain experienced in a certain situation.
• From there, it will be important for the person to carry out a personal inquiry process to remember at what moment/s and what event/s led to the assumption of belief of “I’m not worth it, I don’t matter to anyone.”
• This biographical review will lead us to relive this experience, make it conscious, feel the pain it generated in us and accept it as the reality that could have been at that specific moment.
• After acceptance, it is important work on compassion and forgiveness towards the people who caused him said pain, becoming aware that they did what they were capable of doing at that moment in their life. We can communicate to the patient that any person, always, would offer perfect love, care and attention if he were free of his own emotional shortcomings. Sometimes, the forgiveness process is very hard and painful and cannot happen. However, the important thing is that the person is able to understand the reality that led his parents or caregivers to act in that way, it could not have been any other way, but not that he did not cause that situation.
• At this point in the process, we will work with the patient on developing your true potential. Making you aware of this new image of yourself, much more real and in line with your true abilities, will give you back the strength to resume your life in a much more positive, healthy and respectful way with yourself and your environment.

This process of re-encountering your true being will allow you to live from self-acceptance. In this way, you will be able to express yourself assertively, which will facilitate your social interaction processes. The old false belief of not caring about anyone will totally lose its meaning and strength.

This article is merely informative, at PsychologyFor we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

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