Why My Partner Is Not Affectionate And What To Do

If you have thoughts like “I need more affection from my partner” or “my partner doesn’t have details with me” pay attention to the following identifying signs of when your partner is not affectionate :

• He doesn’t hug you, or he doesn’t hug you as much as you would like.
• He doesn’t kiss you, or he doesn’t kiss you as much as you would like.
• She appears cold and distant.
• He doesn’t give you pets, or not as many as you would like.
• He doesn’t show you affection in public.
• He doesn’t express himself verbally or compliment you.
• You see that when he shows affection he does it as an obligation and not because it comes out of it.

Some of the main causes that can make our partner not be affectionate from the beginning of the relationship or stop being affectionate at a specific point, could be the following:

Experiences p roasted

Either because you have had negative experiences in other relationships where being affectionate has taken its toll, or because you are “tired” of showing that side of yourself only to have them “hurt you or break your heart.” We can even find that the cause is the family relationship and the attachment style they had in childhood with their parents or the reference adult.

Cultural differences

It is important to keep in mind that each culture has its own ways. different from showing affection by the other person. In Latin American countries or in some Hispanic countries in southern Europe, people are much more likely to show affection explicitly both through words and through gestures and caresses.

However, in other countries, for example, those in northern Europe, physical contact to show affection is not so common. We can also see variations, in addition to the differences between countries, depending on the religion in which they were raised We can see that there are women and men who are not very affectionate, the ways of showing affection being different in the Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu or Buddhist religion.

Communication difficulties

It may be that their way of showing affection is totally different from yours and that you should look for that common language in your partner where each one can show the love or affection they have for you in their own way, but at the same time, you both feel that you are receiving it.

“Soothsayer’s Fallacy”

It happens as a couple and it happens in other types of relationships. There is a tendency to think that the other person must know what and how we want things without explaining anything beforehand and that is not possible. We must always try to keep in mind that what we do not say or explain, the other person does not have to be knowledgeable about our needs or ideas.

In this case, our post How to improve communication in a couple can be of great help to you.

Lack of self-esteem and insecurity in the couple

That you think that your partner does not show you affection as you would like may be a sign that you need his or her approval to be sure that he or she has that affection for you. If you need to work on your self-esteem to improve your relationship, perhaps our article What is emotional independence and how to work on it will help you.

Lack of time and stress

Sometimes we have many other things in mind besides our partner that make it difficult to really dedicate all the time we need, we feel stressed and have to pay attention to dedicating time and showing affection to another person takes a backseat

We offer you 5 tips to put into practice if your partner is not affectionate:

1. Contact him/her : Explain to him what is happening to you and how it makes you feel, but without demanding anything from him. Simply, the objective of the conversation should be to express what you think and feel, understand each other and be able to reach a consensus on that aspect that is making you feel bad.
2. Pay attention to the details on your part It may be that you do not see signs of affection as you would like, but it may be because you are using different languages ​​(5 love languages ​​have been found) to show the affection you have for each other. Maybe you need him to tell you that he loves you every day and the other person is more about giving you details.
3. You take the first step : If you’re waiting for me to do something because you want it, be the first to do it! Do you want a hug? Give it to him!
4. Increase your self-esteem and independence : Make sure that the reason you see that your partner is not affectionate is not because you need their approval and are developing an insecure attachment to them.
5. Consider the relationship : It is important that if your partner does not give you what you need, and for you it is something important, maybe he is not the right person for you. First of all, make sure you are not idealizing and romanticizing him/her excessively, creating a romantic love that does not correspond to reality.

This article is merely informative, at PsychologyFor we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to Why my partner is not affectionate and what to do we recommend that you enter our Couples Therapy category.