Self-fulfilling Prophecies, Or How To Make A Failure Yourself
I am going to tell you the story of Oedipus, but not the part that everyone knows, when the character from Greek mythology falls in love and marries his mother, but what happens before; the series of unfortunate events that lead to the extravagant denouement.
Oedipus lived happily with his parents in Corinth. However, it seems that he had a somewhat anxious nature… Worried about what the future held for him, on one occasion he decided to consult the Oracle of Delphi, something similar to the modern horoscope but more sophisticated, related to the divinatory abilities of certain Greek gods.
Faced with Oedipus’ uncertainty and insecurity about his future fate, The Oracle pronounced himself tragically and forcefully: “Your destiny is to murder your father and marry your mother.” Of course, Oedipus was horrified at the idea.
How could he do such a thing? It seemed to him something unthinkable, inconceivable; But the truth was that the Oracle had an impeccable reputation: he was never wrong when it came to predicting the fate of those who consulted him. What the Oracle anticipated was fulfilled. It was law.
Oedipus knew this perfectly, as did all the inhabitants of ancient Greece. However, he refused to resign himself to his fate; he must do something immediately to avoid being involved in such an atrocity. Without knowing the reasons that could lead him to patricide and incest, but convinced that this would be the case if he did not take action on the matter, he decided to leave the house where he lived without giving further explanations and go to another city, far away from the temptations that They lurked in the future.
So he mounted his horse and headed to Thebes
The journey passed without problems, until one day, in a desolate place near the entrance of the city that would welcome him and free him from his disastrous destiny, as Oedipus believed, he had an altercation with an old man who was driving a carriage. They argued about who should go first, they insulted each other, and before both men could realize it they had become involved in a terrible fight that would have the worst ending: In the struggle, and blinded by anger, Oedipus ended up killing the old man and fleeing in fear. of the place. In terms of traffic, nothing has changed since then.
Some time later, already settled in his new home, Oedipus met Jocasta, the recently widowed queen of Thebes, and they fell in love. To simplify the story a little and save details that are not relevant, I am going to say that they were dating for a few months and then they got married.
What follows is the part of the story that everyone knows. Oedipus discovers that those who he believed to be his real parents were not, in reality, since he had been adopted when he was very little. The old man he had bumped into on his way to the city was none other than Laius, the king of Thebes and Oedipus’s biological father, and the woman he had married, his real mother. A disaster of Greek proportions, no more, no less
Horrified by what he had done, and seized by the most pressing despair, Oedipus gouged out his eyes with his own hands and condemned himself to exile, the worst punishment at that time, and only applicable to those who committed the crimes. more aberrant.
The dramatic designs of the Oracle had been fulfilled to the letter. Finally Oedipus had been overtaken by fate.
The self-fulfilling prophecy that leads us to failure
The reader is probably wondering why I am telling this in an article that promises otherwise in its title. Well, it seems like an interesting starting point, a nice metaphor to understand what follows.
Actually, It was the “belief” in the certainty of the oracle that precisely caused the Oracle’s prognosis to become reality When Oedipus decides to leave Thebes, instead of seeking more information about it, he set in motion the mechanisms that would take him directly to his final destination.
Beyond the obvious paradox, here it is interesting to observe the power of belief over reality.
Expectations and how we are hostage to them
By definition, A belief is a statement or premise that influences our thinking and behavior without actually this statement being reliably demonstrated or we having valid evidence to support its veracity.
Believing “something” is not synonymous with that “something” actually existing. However, the mere fact of believing it is often enough to turn it into a verifiable reality. That is why we must take care of the influence that our expectations play on our way of thinking. In the story of Oedipus, “believing” that he was going to end the life of his father was what triggered, neither more nor less, to end the life of his father.
The set of our beliefs, rather than our own reality, often determines the things that happen to us in life, and how we feel. That’s how we are. This is how we function.
Certain beliefs are often at the basis of vulnerability to stress. Let’s look at some typical cases.
1. Ramiro, wants to flirt by being eccentric
Ramiro believes that in order to attract and conquer a girl, he has to be eccentric, witty and sophisticated “If I show myself as I am, no one will like me,” he tells himself.
Under this premise, when Ramiro goes out with a girl for the first time, he takes on a character that is actually completely foreign to him. In his eagerness to be liked, he doesn’t stop talking about himself, highlighting his values, openly boasting about his virtues and maximizing his achievements.
Let no one be surprised that Ramiro doesn’t have a girlfriend The women who have dated him describe him as unspontaneous, egomaniacal and boring. The poor boy never makes it past the first date. Once again, this modern Oedipus takes the flight that takes him non-stop to perdition.
2. Silvia, feels the need to have a partner
Silvia, on the other hand, believes that it is impossible to live without love And in order to feel loved by her partner, she is capable of anything.
He avoids conflicts by any means, because he thinks that a fight can lead to the breakup of the relationship. In this context, Silvia never argues with Franco about anything, she closes her mouth about everything he does and it bothers him; and she accepts at once, whether she agrees or not, whatever he says or proposes.
Silvia believes that one must immolate oneself for love, and this is how their relationship develops, until one day, Franco, exasperated by so much submission, passivity and lack of initiative, decides to suddenly end the relationship.
To whomever I ask, Franco has no qualms about explaining that he needs a real woman by his side not a daughter, much less a servant.
3. Carla is convinced that her fiancé is unfaithful to her
Carla is dating Fernando, an important lawyer, and For some time now you have had the idea that your partner is unfaithful to you
Due to his profession, the man spends a lot of time away, but beyond that, Carla actually has no proof that her boyfriend is cheating on her.
However, Carla is obsessed. She constantly checks his cell phone in search of any incriminating evidence, calls him countless times a day just to check where he is, and gets angry and scolds him frequently, due to his small mistakes, such as arriving ten minutes late when They meet to do something together, a fact that is always significant to her and leads her to suspect that “she is up to something shady.”
Scared and resentful of her boyfriend because of the ideas that are brewing in her own brain, rather than reality, Carla spends much of the day in a bad mood. As revenge for his improbable misdeeds, Half the time she treats him with cold indifference and the other half she is willing to argue over any trifle
It doesn’t matter how many times he tells her everything he loves her, gives her chocolates, takes her to dinner every weekend, or gives her a full day at a spa for her bride’s day; Carla systematically disregards all of these positive gestures and continues stubbornly in her fruitless quest to prove the veracity of her paranoid beliefs.
In this context, Fernando, of course, feels neglected, unrequited in his love for her and often mistreated. He sometimes even jokes with his friends that he has fallen in love with a Gestapo officer.
One day, by chance, without meaning to, Fernando meets a girl who is the sister of a client. She impresses him as cordial, friendly and unstructured. They like each other and before they know it, they end up having a coffee and talking in a bar close to the Courts, and then… Well, I leave what happens next to the reader’s imagination.
Having reached this point, probably if the relationship with Carla had not been so deteriorated by her indefatigable distrust, Fernando would not have been tempted or had the need to seek affection from another woman.
Carla, like the previous characters in these short fictional stories inspired by real cases from my clinical experience, has been the architect of her own destiny.
The importance of not letting ourselves be blindly guided by our beliefs
We thus establish that our beliefs and expectations affect the way we perceive ourselves and others and it can lead us down the wrong path.
To make matters worse, we are always very predisposed to look for evidence that confirms our previous beliefs, and we are very slow to look for evidence against it. We are great enthusiasts when it comes to corroborating what we think, and equally lazy to investigate the reasons why we could be wrong.
The paradox here is that, many times, Trying to dismiss our own opinions is the most sensible way to know if we are right or not
I think it is advisable to periodically review everything we believe in, especially if it is negative, because it could be having a powerful impact on our daily lives, without us being aware of it, and push us, without us realizing it, to create a reality that does not favor us.
Someone once said: “define a reality, and it will be a reality in its consequences.” It is absolutely true. Oedipus can teach this.
