Infidelities are one of the most common relationship problems, to the point that it is estimated that almost half of courtships and/or marriages have been affected by unfaithful behavior at some point during the relationship.
Taking this into account, it is not surprising that crises due to infidelity are also one of the most common reasons for consultation why people go to couples therapy, participating in a process in which, through the participation of a psychologist, This “bump” can be overcome and the relationship continues to progress after a repair stage, or a breakup occurs on the most amicable terms possible if this is the only way out.
But beyond the tasks and communication processes that take place in the psychologist’s office, there are also a series of General guidelines and advice to take into account to manage infidelity from the first moment and that normally help to face it in the most constructive way possible. In this article we will see what they are.
The main steps to overcome infidelity in a relationship
If you have been affected by a case of infidelity on the part of your partner, keep the following guidelines in mind when facing and overcoming the emotional crisis triggered by this fact.
Since you are the person who has been directly harmed by the infidelity, From the first moment you must be clear that the priority must be set on discovering what is best for you
From that initial question, you will position yourself depending on whether you think it is worth giving the relationship new opportunities, or if it has come to an end. Even if you opt for the second option, it is possible that it will feel like a challenge to move from desires to action and communicate that you are ending that courtship or marriage, and in that case, your management of infidelity will consist of managing your fears and knowing express yourself without letting external pressure lead you to repress yourself.
2. Assume your dominant role in communication
An infidelity is, fundamentally, a breakdown of the basic consensus on which the relationship was based Therefore, if you have suffered infidelity, as a victim of it you have a decision-making role about what will happen regarding that courtship or marriage. If that leadership role is not reflected in the way you communicate (for example, if your partner is offended by not having an equal position in deciding what should be done to overcome infidelity), that indicates that there is a problem. .
Therefore, adopt a communicative attitude based on assertiveness: you must be able to say everything you feel and think about what happened, and openly state your conditions if you believe that the relationship can continue but with new conditions.
3. Don’t let him hold you responsible for what happened
one thing is explore the possible causes that have led the other person to commit infidelity, and another is to give him the opportunity to try to put “part of the blame” on you. As a victim of infidelity, you are not to blame for what happened.
4. If you think about breaking up, state it directly; if you need time, too
It is perfectly legitimate not to have clear ideas at a time ; The important thing is honesty about it. In any case, if you are clear that you want to break up, this must be clear, and if you are not clear but you need time to mature the decision, explain it clearly too, but in this case it is important to clarify whether the rules of fidelity that are applied to the relationship are still valid or not (otherwise the idea that a provisional breakup occurs may remain in the air).
5. If you want to give the relationship another chance, make sure a repair occurs.
It is not enough for the other person to apologize. And it is not for a reason beyond morality.
If you do not demonstrate that you are interested in maintaining that courtship or marriage by making efforts and carrying out acts of repair for the damage caused, you will not have a guarantee that he really shows commitment And taking into account that commitment is what is broken in infidelity, it is important that this is repaired through actions and not just words, so that if you decide to give it another chance you do not also have to suffer fears and constant feelings of insecurities. for “not being enough” for the other person.
If you choose to continue with the relationship, it is essential to go to couples therapy anyway This type of psychological intervention is specially designed so that both of you can express yourself, you can address possible problems that undermine coexistence, activities together, the couple’s vision of the future, or communication, and more. And of course, crises due to infidelity are among the causes of discomfort most addressed in couples therapy.
Are you looking for professional psychological support?
If you are interested in having psychological assistance services for individuals or couples, I invite you to contact me.
I am a psychologist specialized in intervention through the cognitive-behavioral model, and I work both in person in my office in Madrid and online by video call.
