The ‘You Can’ Society: External Overmotivation Harms You
We live in a society that constantly transmits to us the language of “you can”: You can get ahead, you can love yourself, you can achieve anything you set your mind to. While there is nothing wrong with setting yourself up for achievement, the negative part arises when the evidence does not support the injection of external motivation that we try to implant in our mind, since this generates deep frustration.
The You Can society: how to achieve what you propose?
In principle, achievement orientation, setting goals and trusting in your ability to achieve them is a positive coping strategy in the face of reality. It allows you generate motivation and drive necessary to respond to your daily life. The discourse that you have all the capacity to achieve your goals can work as a great tool to combat fear and stagnation in the journey of life.
When does it become a problem?
Conflict arises when achievement orientation becomes an external voice that constantly tries to convince you of something that your psychological makeup has not yet learned. You feel that you should be able to do everything, your language repeats that “you are capable” that “everything is a matter of attitude” that “it is about trying hard enough” that “you keep trying”; However, your emotional responses, your situation and your environment do not align with the same discourse.
As a result of this, a lot of confusion occurs on a mental level and questions arise such as: Why am I supposed to be able to and I can’t? If I am capable of everything, why do I feel like I can’t achieve it? Consequently, motivational speech generates discomfort and doubt instead of the positive effect mentioned above. Overemphasizing the motivational discourse that “we are everything we set our minds to” and that “we can achieve everything we want” can lead us to dissatisfaction with reality. The hope is that the speech will be motivating and powerful enough to develop the well-being that we so long for.
Your personal development process
Well-being, in reality, cannot be built with external resources, with preconceived phrases to memorize, with other people’s slogans or with energetic motivational speeches. While all of these resources can boost your own growth, building your mental health is not about what you “can” or what you “achieve” but rather about what you are what you build, what you use and how you face the reality of life.
1. Starting with acceptance
Many times the beginning of the process is to break with the expectations of being able to do everything, with the idea that everything has to be as you originally proposed. Life is full of unforeseen events, uncontrollable realities and factors on which our ability has no influence. There are times when you won’t be able to, and that’s okay. Take time to observe reality, integrate it into your mind, process it in detail. Dialogue with the facts, recognize your limitations and negotiate your expectations does not make you a weak or conformist person, it leads you to prioritize your well-being above meeting your goals
Responding to difficulties, unforeseen events, and life situations is not about following a motivational script written by someone who “achieved it all.” It is about the resources you generate being yours and not the ones others tell you you should have. It’s about making your story so personal that you understand how to live it in a healthy way.
3. Ask for help
Going through life is also about asking for help, recognizing when you can’t no matter how much you want to. When your internal resources, your motivational speech and all your attempts have not obtained the fruit you expected. When your emotions become deregulated even though you try to keep “everything under control” on a mental level. When the help of someone else is also a valuable resource to organize your experience.
In summary
Your process begins by understanding that it is not enough to be told “you can” for your pain to disappear and functionality to return. Situations are not navigated with directed motivation but with your own experience It is lived on a mental, emotional and relational level together. It cannot be rationalized with “you can.” You will be able to, but it will be your own process that will let you know what you are capable of.
