Developing Assertiveness At Work: How To Set Limits
Setting limits is essential if we want to actively adapt to our work environment. The practice of knowing how to say “this far” can be particularly difficult when the person in front of us is someone we appreciate—for example, a coworker; when it is someone who is in a higher hierarchy than us – a boss -; or, perhaps, before a client. Many of us have been taught the slogan “the customer is always right” and, although each may have their own opinion regarding this motto, the truth is that it conceals the possibility that the customer is behaving incorrectly. certain way that, given the context, the worker considers not relevant, correct, or would like it to be different.
Knowing how to set limits allows us to build a more harmonious and healthy work environment, both for ourselves and for others. When we talk about limits, it is essential to emphasize the as set limits, because this skill is not exclusively about expressing our needs: it also influences the tone we use, the clarity and precision of the vocabulary we use, our posture, gestures and non-verbal language… All these ways of expressing ourselves when it comes to of stopping in a beneficial way can be included within one category: assertiveness.
Although many people consider that they already know how to set limits at work, the reality is that the art of expressing our needs is an exercise from which we can always learn a little more, because Not everyone has developed assertive forms of communication in the work environment In this article we will reflect on assertiveness and its importance when we want to set limits at work.
As we noted above, assertiveness is crucial to setting healthy boundaries in the work context, but what exactly is assertiveness? Well, there are many definitions of assertiveness, but we could agree that it is the necessary skill to communicate in a respectful and relevant way what one feels and, likewise, to take with respect what others feel.
The latter is important, since The preconceptions that people usually have about assertiveness are tinged with a certain selfishness ; It is considered a useful skill to speak honestly, express one’s desires and opinions, but it is not evident that it has a receptive component, that of understanding others and respecting them even if we disagree.
There are people who engage in interpersonal relationships more assertively than others due to their personality traits, the environments in which they have been raised, the surrounding culture, and their learning histories. In any case, this does not mean that a person cannot learn to develop assertiveness to learn to communicate more appropriately, clearly and accurately.
The first thing you need to begin to display greater assertiveness in social relationships, in the first instance, is to have the intention to learn how to do it and the willingness and acceptance of the mistakes that will be made in the process. In that sense, Eva Bach says that “assertiveness is for extraordinary people”: extraordinaryness It does not mean having an innate ability to bond assertively On the contrary: they are people who assume their imperfection when relating to others, who admit their own limitations, who recognize that their weaknesses affect others and who, even so, are willing to work on themselves to bond. in a different way with themselves and the people around them.
Assertiveness when setting limits at work
Developing assertiveness at work offers the possibility of forging more honest, healthy and reciprocal bonds between people who have to share a significant amount of time, week after week. Assertiveness cannot ensure that all social relationships at work culminate in a friendship, but rather that, even in moments of conflict and disagreement, it is possible to exchange information to reach a solution.
Unassertive dialogues in which one person tries to set a limit for another are characterized by having little or no precision in the words chosen to express themselves. Assertive communication when setting limits means that the person is able to achieve four keys: describe as precisely and explicitly as possible what your need is, indicate why the other person is considered to be violating it suggest what alternative behavior the other could adopt and be receptive to feedback.
1.Express a need
The first thing to set a limit is to express what it is that oneself needs clearly and avoiding coloring this statement with judgments or “blame” For example, instead of saying to our boss “you made me feel like a fool when you called me out in front of the rest of the team,” a more effective way to communicate with him to reach a solution could be: “I felt like a fool.” when (…) and I need to talk to you about it.”
2.Describe the other’s behavior
In the second instance, it is crucial to adopt a descriptive attitude, that is, stick to the events that truly occurred in reality and that can help us to explain what attitude of the other person has bothered us or we would like them to modify. Continuing with the previous example, if we tell our boss that we felt stupid when he “called us out in front of the rest of the team,” it could be a somewhat general and vague description that could lead to confusion.
Ultimately, there is no universal consensus about what draw attention; A reprimand could have one content or another, be expressed clearly or aggressively, have a strong or soft tone of voice, etc. For that reason, The most effective thing is to adjust as much as we can to reality: “I felt like a fool when, in the meeting on Friday afternoon, you explained that my report had serious problems while we were having coffee with my colleagues.”
It is of little use to say that someone else’s behavior bothered us if we do not offer an alternative. The alternative is the way we would like the other person to replace their initial behavior in a way that respects the boundary For example, we could say: “I understand that my report did not meet the expected requirements and that it needs revision. However, next time I would like you to raise the problems with my report privately and not in front of the rest of the team.”
4. Be receptive
Finally, an aspect that is often forgotten in communication is being receptive to the other’s opinion. There is a possibility that our boss will tell us that he believes that bringing up problems with a report in public can be very useful to the rest of the team. Being receptive to disagreement with others is not synonymous with agreeing, but rather showing ourselves available to listen to the other person in an attentive and respectful way. We should not interrupt while the other is speaking even if we disagree When it is our turn to speak, we can strengthen our position or modify it.
