Virtually any type of personal relationship can give rise to power imbalances; It is not necessary that there be ranks or formal authorities as occurs in companies or compulsory education schools, and in fact, it can also occur in those bonds that, in theory, should be between equals, such as relationships.
The breadcrumbing phenomenon is an example of this, since wherever it occurs, there is one person ignoring the other and at the same time manipulating them so that the latter sacrifices themselves to gain their attention, thus achieving a relationship that requires practically no effort. Let’s see how it affects us and what to do to manage breadcrumbing.
Breadcrumbing is a toxic behavior that occurs in the context of sexual relationships; can be described as a pattern of behavior in which the fact of dedicate very little attention and effort to one person, assuming that they are the ones who must fight to keep the relationship “afloat”
The name in English that has been given to this phenomenon comes from the words “breadcrumbs”, a metaphor that refers to the habit that some people have of leaving the other person only “the crumbs” of what a relationship should be. complete and satisfactory, just enough for her to continue having interest in maintaining contact. It usually manifests itself in the tendency to speak only intermittently, to barely respond to phone calls or text messages, or to be left alone in certain circumstances where it is especially convenient.
Breadcrumbing can be directed towards the partner or towards another person in one’s environment, such as close friends, love interests or potential partners. The common effect of breadcrumbing is great discomfort and emotional dependence towards that person who sends contradictory signals of affection or attraction towards the manipulated person.
The main effects of breadcrumbing are:
How to deal with breadcrumbing in a toxic relationship?
These are the strategies and recommendations to apply if at any time you notice that you are suffering from a case of breadcrumbing.
1. Analyze the situation from the outside
Analyzing the situation we are experiencing from the outside is the best way to realize toxic dynamics that can go unnoticed in the day to day life in which we live with that person
Dealing with the issue objectively and honestly with ourselves, as if we were analyzing another’s relationship, is essential; It will allow us to realize the implications of those small details that can be obvious or covert signs of a case of breadcrumbing. To achieve this, it is advisable to write our reflections in a diary that we fill out periodically.
Analyzing the possible causes of why our partner is carrying out this strategy is also the first step to clarify the existing problem. Likewise we must Identify what kind of effect breadcrumbing has on us, how we are suffering, and whether we deserve to suffer this way
As indicated, people who do breadcrumbing usually have a constant need for approval, which is why through their actions they seek to feed their ego and reinforce their belief in themselves and their ability to seduce. In this sense, narcissism is another of the common traits of this type of individuals.
Verbalizing what we feel and expressing it to that person from an assertive attitude through an assertive communication exercise will lead to a turning point: Does it accept the validity of our feelings or does it delve into a dynamic of psychological manipulation? We must detect possible signs of gaslighting, which occurs when we try to convince ourselves that we cannot trust our own mental faculties.
Open and sincere communication is always the first step to resolve any problem that arises in a couple or friendship, and if we have any type of discomfort we must communicate it as soon as possible and make it clear that we expect a change on their part.
3. Set limits
Continuing with this reasoning, we must make clear during our conversation with the couple the things that we are willing or not willing to tolerate, establishing red lines that should never be crossed by the other person. The changes we require must be expressed clearly and be concrete and measurable. This It will serve to reinforce our position and our self-esteem, as well as our role within the relationship By making it clear what we are willing to put up with and what we are not, the other person will also understand that their attitude must change if they want to continue with the relationship.
4. Improve your self-esteem
Self-esteem is one of the aspects that is first affected in cases of breadcrumbing, since many people end up becoming attached to their partner’s affection and suffering when they do not have it.
There are many ways to improve self-esteem, one of the most effective is to reflect on one’s thoughts about oneself or the relationship and identify those thoughts, emotions or ideas that lead us to minimize our achievements, attributing them to luck or the help of others.
5. Go to psychotherapy if you can’t deal with the problem
Sometimes, breadcrumbing can leave such psychological consequences that it is necessary attend psychotherapy In a psychologist’s office you will find professional help for challenges such as repairing your own self-esteem or training in the management of emotions necessary to trust others again.
In this sense, if you are looking for psychological assistance services, I invite you to contact me.
My name is Paloma Rey and I am a General Health Psychologist; Purely assisting you in person or in the online therapy modality.
