Why Do I Tell So Many Lies? Causes Of The Tendency To Lie A Lot
A lie is defined as a “manifestation contrary to what is known, believed or thought.” We all tell lies, some authors suggest that we tell an average of 20 lies a day and some days even 200, as stated by Pamela Meyer, author of the book Liespotting in his TED talk.
Psychologist Bella DePaulo, from the University of Virginia, concluded in her research that we lie in approximately one fifth of social exchanges that last more than ten minutes. The latest studies, it seems, consider us more sincere and show that, on average, we tell one or two lies a day. It seems that there is no unanimity about the number of lies we actually tell per day, but more than the number, We are interested in knowing why we lie and who lies the most
In this article we will explain the most common reasons why people lie, we will talk about mythomania and we will explore Possible causes in cases where there is a tendency to lie well above the average without this being considered pathological.
‘Why do I lie so much?’ Possible causes of the tendency to lie
We can lie out of courtesy, compassion, kindness, to avoid harming someone close to us, or also for our own benefit, to escape reproach or a commitment, although psychologists recommend not telling the truth instead of using a lie. For example, changing the subject. In these cases we are aware that we are lying, but… Why do we sometimes make up stories instead of telling the truth?
Some people lie a lot more than others. You’ve probably heard of mythomania. Mythomania is described as the pathological tendency to lie; mythomaniacs do not seek to avoid punishment or obtain a benefit, but lie compulsively.
There’s also people who do not fit into a clinical category but lie more than average Within this group of people you will find, for example, people who are excessively concerned about their image, such as politicians, who can tell 4 times more lies than the rest. The same study that concluded that people tell an average of 2 lies a day, followed up for three months, also listened to Trump’s statements during the same period and recorded that the former US president uttered an average of 9.9 lies a day, 5 times more than the rest.
There is a long list of reasons why people resort to lying. The main or most frequent causes for not telling the truth are related to the avoidance of punishment. This seems very logical in children, but for adults this is also the main reason for lying, to save ourselves from some unpleasant situation. As Paul Ekman explains, we lie to protect ourselves, maintain our privacy, or save ourselves from embarrassment ; Not all reasons are selfish, sometimes we lie to avoid harming others or to avoid suffering, for example, with white lies.
Mark Twain already said it: “No one could live with someone who told the truth on a regular basis.” We lie because others exist, basically because of socialization. Relationships sometimes require lies; we are not going to explain our life to the neighbor who asks us how we are in the elevator, or telling our grandfather or grandmother that we don’t like that gift they gave us with great enthusiasm for Christmas. In addition, society often demands that we show an improved image of ourselves, on your Instagram only part of the truth is shown.
What is mythomania?
Some go beyond these little lies and fictions that we may even consider necessary. Cases in which lies take on disproportionate magnitudes, there is nothing behind them, the avoidance of an unpleasant situation or the obtaining of some type of benefit, there is something gratuitous in lying, one lies without the need to lie, out of compulsion. Pathological liars or mythomaniacs create great stories around themselves.
Mythomania was first described by Anton Delbrück. This German psychiatrist and hospital director was surprised to observe that Some of the patients he treated were able to tell invented stories as if they were true, providing great detail and data Delbrück used the term “fantastic pseudology” to refer to this behavior that had so strange to him. Since he first named it, Delbrück identified five more cases related to mythomania that he would analyze exhaustively.
Mythomaniacs are also known as compulsive liars In history we can find some well-known cases, such as that of Anna Anderson who claimed to be the Grand Duchess Anastasia of Russia, the youngest daughter of the last tsars of Russia, Nicholas II and Alexandra, murdered along with all her descendants in 1918. For many For years the entire world believed her, and the mystery remained alive until, in 1991, the Romanovs’ DNA was compared with that of Anna Anderson, giving a negative result. Finally, Anastasia’s remains were found in 2007 and it was confirmed that she, along with her entire family, had indeed been murdered that night.
The DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) does not consider mythomania as a mental disorder in itself, but as a symptom or condition within antisocial personality disorder. Since there are no general diagnostic criteria, it is difficult to decide who is a mythomaniac and who is not. However, it is understood that a person is a pathological liar when their lies are totally disproportionate to the purpose. It is a behavior that also has to be repeated over time; mythomaniacs constantly distort and falsify reality.
Normally, mythomaniacs know they are lying, but as some experts explain, at some point they can lose their sense of reality and let themselves be swallowed up by their own lies and inventions, which they begin to consider real.
But what leads someone to lie compulsively? The causes of mythomania are not really determined. Apparently there would be a biological component: the brains of mythomaniac people would present a greater amount of white matter in the anterior part of the frontal lobes of the brain, this would mean that they have more connections than other people. Science then seems to say that mythomaniacs lie because they have the ability to do so; By having a greater number of connections, they can associate their ideas and memories much better and, therefore, are able to tell more coherent and credible lies and maintain them over time.
But having the ability to do so doesn’t really explain why you lie. Other social and psychological factors would hide behind the need to lie compulsively; The construction of the personality of the mythomaniac person would be associated with his own lies, without them he does not know who he is. This It can start with small lies that get bigger and bigger to maintain the created character
Finally, many mythomaniacs have low self-esteem problems, which may be derived from a childhood where they did not receive much affection. Frédéric Bourdin was famous for impersonating children who had been missing for a long time. He even spent time with some of the families and gave implausible explanations for the physical changes he presented compared to the children, such as having been subjected to experiments that had changed his eye color. The police said that he lied for pleasure, but whenever he was questioned by the police about “why” he answered with a simple, but meaningful: “to make me love him.”
Common reasons why we can lie a lot
As we have seen, one of the causes associated with mythomania is low self-esteem. Let us explain why this condition, in addition to others, considered non-pathological, make individuals more likely to lie.
Self-esteem is the appreciation that one feels towards oneself. Low self-esteem can come from different places, for example, from the inability to accept yourself and life as it is. The inability to accept ourselves can make us add some details to our life and our abilities or those of others, for example, fathers and mothers who lie about their children’s results, to be seen as better parents, or lie about the trips we have taken and the places we know. Deep down, what we feel is an excessive concern about making a good, favorable impression on others, derived from a lack of esteem for our real life or true capabilities.
2. Extreme shyness
Shy people do not like to speak or express themselves in public, be the center of attention or spend too much time in conversations with strangers, which is why they may resort to lying to avoid prolonging interactions with strangers or semi-strangers or participating in events that involve a lot of people. people they don’t know.
To avoid going, they can invent that they have some other commitment to attend or some other matter to attend to. It is true that it is a good strategy to escape, but lying can generate stress and in this case it is better to say that we don’t feel like it and why to create spaces and places where we can be comfortable with the people who have invited us to the party.
3. Socioeconomic precariousness
People with economic difficulties or low income are often motivated not to say publicly what their situation is. This, on many occasions, leads them to end up lying so as not to feel judged by their environment or have job opportunities deprived of them
4. Addictions
One of the characteristics of addicted people is lying. Lying in people with addictions is considered part of the disease. It is important to remember that an addiction is a chronic brain disease, where the way of thinking has changed. The maximum concern of the addicted person is to consume and, to do so, they resort to lies and self-deception.
