Polyamory, Is Love Between More Than One Person Possible?
Do you know what polyamory is? Do you think it can be possible? What are the main myths that we believe to be true about polyamory? Below you will find all the answers.
He love It is a tremendously complex issue and to think that there is only one possible way to love is to oversimplify it. There is a normative definition of what it must be love and this is what the RAE (Royal Spanish Academy) shows: “feeling towards another person who naturally attracts us and who, seeking reciprocity in the desire for union, completes us, makes us happy and gives us energy to live together, communicate and create”. In this definition it is assumed that the person who does not have love is not complete and that it is a person who has just completed us.
We have grown up with the conviction that romantic relationships are monogamous, and that having a parallel relationship or having sexual relations with another person when you have a partner is wrong. Hollywood and Disney are responsible for reminding us of this every day in their films and it is not something that we have considered that could be different. At least until the concept of Polyamory appeared. It is clear that this way of managing relationships is increasing in recent years although it remains a minority, for the moment. A polyamorous relationship It may seem difficult to handle, but the reality is that the problem arises from a poor conception of what love really is.
He Polyamory It is understood as an open concept of loving. These are people who may have a primary love relationship and other secondary ones (love or exclusively sexual) or several simultaneous love relationships at the same level of importance.
“Polyamory is the non-possessive, honest, responsible and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously”according to the Polyamory Society. “Polyamory emphasizes consciously choosing how many partners you want to engage with rather than accepting social norms that dictate loving only one person at a time.”.
Be polyamorous means having intimate or open romantic relationships with more than one person at a time. Polyamorous people can be straight, lesbian, gay, or bisexual, and relationships between polyamorous people can include combinations of people of different sexual orientations.
Unlike open relationships, polyamory and the polyamorous They are characterized by emotional, sexual or romantic intimacy between couples. In a closed relationship this would be considered infidelity, but adultery or extramarital sexual relations in polyamory is consensual and revealed to everyone involved.
A monogamous relationship , the hierarchy is always equal (the loved one always has priority), but in polyamorous people there are cases in which they can be equal or where there are certain preferences. In a scenario where there are hierarchies, there may be primary lovers (with more ties) and secondary lovers (who are not so intertwined with the relationship).
Types of polyamorous relationship
A polygamous relationship It can present itself in different different ways. Therefore, polyamory comes in various forms and can change over time depending on the bond between the people involved.
Triad
Is a love relationship of three people. However, this does not mean that the three are related to each other. A person can be dating two different people who don’t know each other.
Quad
These polyamory groups maintain a relationship with four people. It often occurs when two polyamorous couples They meet and start dating the other couple’s person.
Polyculus
This love relationship refers to a network of people who are romantically connected. That is, there are links between three or more relationships. polyamorous couple
Parallel polyamory
This polyamory as a couple refers to those relationships that are aware of their partner’s lovers but do not have contact with them.
solo polyamory
In this polyamory class This is a person who is closed to maintaining a relationship or a life as a couple. Sometimes it is related to the fear of a stable relationship and they are usually unstable people in love.
Despite the different ways in which polyamory is presented, the reality is that a polyamorous relationship It can only work if there is good mental health.
How can you have a successful polyamorous relationship?
According to psychologists, a polygamous relationship It must also have rules that must be followed. In many cases it will be advisable to follow these tips to have a polyamorous relationship.
1. Open mentality
The first thing is obviously to want to have an open relationship and that your partner also wants to. If you are a person who has always believed and continues to believe that love is exclusive and that there is a better half that completes us, do not consider the polyamory because it will be a failure. Likewise, if you are more open-minded but your partner is not, forcing him/her into a polyamorous relationship will be a fiasco because you will be forcing him/her to think differently than he/she is.
Having an open relationship implies that your partner(s) will also have the right to do the same as you, that is, to have more partners or sex with other people. That means that you will have to learn to work on jealousy If you are a very jealous person, you will feel in competition with too many people and there will probably be many arguments, which can cause a romantic breakup. Working on your jealousy and envy will be essential to maintain a polygamous relationship.
3. Have good communication
In all relationships, communication is very important, but in the case of polyamory it is even more so. All relationships when they begin are based on a code (sometimes verbalized and other times underlying): be faithful. With the polyamory the same thing happens. The difference is that the concept of fidelity is somewhat different. In monogamy, the meaning of being faithful implies having an exclusive relationship with your partner and that there cannot be sexual or emotional contacts (understanding “emotional” as romantic love) with anyone else. In polyamory, this “contract” of fidelity implies communication, that is, the relationship is open to other people coming into play, as long as that is communicated to the other person or people immediately.
4. Set rules and limits
To know how to start a healthy relationship in polyamory It is necessary to take into account the rules and limits of the couples with whom a bond is established. Polyamorous people should know if they will really have to tell about their other relationships with others as well as the limits within which each of the ties is established. It is clear that one of the bases of a polygamous relationship is knowing where the limit is.
5. Avoid comparisons
Insecurities cannot coexist with a love relationship of this style. Polyamory as a couple should be between people who have worked very well inside, since it will involve putting aside comparisons with others and knowing that your relationship is alive and that it can end. So dependency must be put aside in a relationship with a polyamorous man or woman.
In some cases where our mental health is not completely balanced, perhaps polyamory can take its toll on us. Therefore, if you think you are not ready for it and want to have a polyamorous relationship, you can always consult with a professional psychologist.
Although it is increasingly normalized that people let’s talk about polyamory , the reality is that even today there are some myths about polyamorous people. Mainly, people tend to put this love relationship on trial through the following.
1. You don’t love your partner
If you want an open relationship it is because you do not love your partner and the relationship does not work: Obviously it does not have to be that way. Surely there will be those who introduce the polyamory theme to boycott the relationship because they want to break up and don’t know how to do it, but people who want to have an open relationship don’t have to love their partners any less. There is simply no concept of exclusivity, the concept of romantic love does not imply only two people in this type of love.
2. Polyamory is a trend
That he polyamory as a couple Although it is a new concept and now it is something that can be on everyone’s lips, it does not mean that it is something temporary. There will be people who want to experience it simply to return to exclusive love later, and there will be those who after trying polyamory do not want an exclusive relationship. It depends on what one way or another of loving gives you.
3. There is a fear of commitment
Have polyamorous relationships It doesn’t mean that it’s just a matter of sex. There can be the same commitment as in a relationship monogamous and that they are relationships that last over time.
4. If you don’t feel jealous, there is no love
In it polyamory There is usually jealousy, it is normal. The point is that the person fights against that emotion so that it does not drag them down or feel less than another person. The same must be done in monogamous relationships. Being jealous or not is not a question of exclusive or open love but of the person, of their insecurities. Furthermore, jealousy is synonymous with a feeling of belonging and possession, so it is important to fight so that it does not cause relationship problems (whether monogamous or not). Therefore, jealousy is not a good sign that you are in love but rather that you are possessive.
Whatever relationship you have, be it monogamous or open What makes this work is establishing honest ties with your partner, enjoying good communication and being an understanding person. The important thing is that you love each other, be it in one way or another.
