How To Talk About Sexuality With Adolescents Or Children? 7 Tips To Approach This Taboo Topic
Talking about sexuality with children can be very complicated and difficult for a parent. Below I explain when and how you can have these conversations.
What is the most recommended way to talk about sex to teenagers or children? “At what age should we be”the talk“? Should we limit ourselves to talking about reproduction and contraceptive methods or talk about pleasure, own sexuality, etc.?
You are surely asking yourself all of these questions if you are a parent and your children are about to experience the young sex The first thing to keep in mind is to foster a climate of good communication with your child. It is important to talk about emotions, resolve all the doubts your child has (not only about sexuality in adolescence but about any area) and make you both comfortable talking about anything. Talk to them too about how you feel and your emotional states (obviously adapting the speech to their age and putting in filters, it’s not about opening up to your child). This will create a climate of transparency that will encourage good communication when the time comes to talk about sex.
Children from a very young age receive sex education at school, but this is usually exclusively on a biological level. This education is carried out throughout basic schooling and is deepened a little more each year. Children often have doubts, but if talking about sex is a taboo topic at home, they may not ask about it. The best thing is that you bring up the topic while he is studying it and try to resolve all his doubts about young sex. Therefore, talking about sex has to be something natural and done on more than one occasion, that is, there does not have to be a single talk, but rather it should be done as doubts arise.
On many occasions people think that the moment of talk about sexuality It is adolescence, but the reality is that sometimes there are children who will start asking you or talking about sex before those ages.
The time to start talk about sex Your son/daughter will tell you, when he/she begins to have doubts, when you see that he/she is curious, that is the time to start talking about sexuality. There is no specific age to start it, this will depend on how you see him/her specifically but obviously it has to be before adolescence.
How and when should I start that talk?
It is important to give the typical Discourse on sexuality to your children so that sex between young people is the safest thing right now. But also talking about sex or sexuality in adolescence is important since there are many traumas that we can avoid if this topic is approached with more experience and understanding. To do this, psychologists determine that this talk on sexuality education for young people should be done in the following way.
1. Choose a good time
It is important to talk about the topic when there is no rush and you are both calm, there has not been any previous discussion and there are no distractions in front of you such as television or any other stimulus that interferes with communication. To make the conversation about ‘educational sex’ as comfortable as possible, your child must be prepared with the best environment.
2. Use an appropriate tone of voice
If your child perceives tension in you, he/she will not feel comfortable talking about it. He tries to relax you and think that it is normal to talk about these things. You can practice a little with your partner before doing it with your child. All of this will make you use a calm tone of voice that inspires confidence. You shouldn’t make me talk about sex is strange but rather that it be something natural and without taboos.
Many parents try to explain strange things to their children, such as that they came from a stork or that the mother breathed in a seed that got into her belly. That is more difficult to understand than saying that the father introduced a sperm into the mother that later became a baby. She talks about penis and vagina normally; Since he was little he explains himself in class and they are not terms that have to be hidden, you don’t have to give him nicknames. This will allow your children to talk about your sexuality in adolescence with you without having to be ashamed of it.
4. Adapt the conversation to your child’s age
I have already commented that there does not have to be a single talk about sexuality for children, so every conversation will be different. The older you are, the more knowledge you will have on a biological level, and therefore, the conversation will have to be more complete and concrete. The conversation can cover many topics: from periods to contraceptive methods, including reproduction, the organs that interfere with it, childbirth, etc. You must adapt this sexuality education for young people to the age of your son or daughter.
5. Listen to your child and don’t embarrass him/her
It is common for children to ask questions that arouse sympathy or to say something that seems ridiculous. Even if they say something funny, try not to laugh at what she said because she may feel offended and inhibited. Listen carefully to their doubts and put yourself in their shoes. Remember that one day you were just as lost as he/she. This way, you won’t feel as self-conscious about talking about your experiences. teen sex
6. Ask if you have any questions and don’t ridicule or blame
It seems obvious, but many times the desire for the conversation to end means that it is explained quickly or incompletely and questions are not asked, so your child may be left with the feeling that he or she has not understood something. Furthermore, it is important to explain the sexuality to adolescents and children without alarming with phrases like: “above all don’t get pregnant“, “If you get someone pregnant I will disinherit you.” either “you are too small to think about this“.
7. Should we limit ourselves to reproduction and contraceptive methods?
Obviously the answer is no. It is just as important to talk about reproduction and contraceptives as it is to talk about: sexually transmitted diseases, homosexuality, bisexuality, transsexuality, sexual pressure and violence (right to say no), desire, orgasms, search for pleasure, carnal sex, sex for love and masturbation. Many parents stick to talking about sex as a synonym for reproduction and that is not the case. It is very important to naturalize sex and talk about respect for the other person, try to seek your own pleasure and that of the other, as well as discover your own sexual orientation and respect that of others. If your child feels very disoriented about these issues, it may be a good option to go to a professional psychologist to resolve their doubts in this regard.
We are in the 21st century and we must modernize conversations about sexuality So let’s get to work and above all, talk as many times as necessary until your child has no doubts, accepting that it could put you in compromising situations.
