Knowing how to say no or, what is the same, being assertive, makes us defend our rights and opinions while respecting others.
But On many occasions, due to multiple fears, we find it difficult to say no or set limits on people or situations, affecting ourselves. What can you do to leave that irrational fear behind?
There are times when our interests come into play in relation to another; family or work situations in which sometimes it is difficult for us to say no. Your boss asks you for a last-minute favor and asks you to stay longer, your mother wants to spend too much time with you, your sister constantly asks you to take her somewhere, your friend decides where you are going on vacation… there are many situations. in the face of which we do not express our opinion as we would like or we do not set the necessary limits.
These are situations in which personalities with a passive style sometimes feel used, ignored and overwhelmed for putting others before yourself.
In the history of our relationships we create behavioral roles, which makes the other person expect us to behave as we have been doing. That is, your boss expects you to stay, your sister expects you to accompany her as always, and your friend expects you to agree with everything she proposes to you.
Learning to say no in all these situations is a right and an exercise in self-respect and self-care and it is important to start putting it into practice if you feel like you don’t usually do it.
1. Free yourself from irrational ideas
Your boss, your mother, your friend and your sister will understand that you cannot or do not want to do something they propose. Take care of communication and your fears. People who find it difficult to say “no” are very afraid of being thought badly of or of conflict Review what you fear and manage your thoughts.
2. Give yourself time to think
When something is proposed to you, don’t say “yes” right away. Give yourself some time to think if you really want or can do it At some point say that you need some time to think about it.
3. Try to be brief, kind and clear
This is key. In a firm and simple tone, with short sentences, tell him that you can’t do it. It is important not to give excessive explanations because this can convey insecurity
For example: “I’m very sorry but I’m busy this afternoon.” “I’m sorry but it’s not possible for me.”
If you want to be especially kind, you can show more empathy with phrases like this: “I understand that it would be good for you if I brought you closer, but it’s impossible for me at that time.”
4. Sandwich technique
Consists in say something positive before and after rejecting the request For example: “Mom, I also want to spend time together, but this week is difficult for me, see you next week?” This technique shows kindness and interest.
This is used when the person insists. It consists of repeating the same thing all the time, without faltering or giving more explanations, and very calmly. We must be cautious with this technique because we can show disinterest. It is important to combine it with empathy Example: “Mom, I’m really sorry, but I told you that I have a difficult week this week.”
6. Train from your imagination
Make a list of situations in which you would like to say “no.” Choose one of those situations and write in all the details how it usually is, what you usually say and how you usually react.
Prepare and choose a short, friendly and simple response to put into practice the next time it happens. Imagine the situation by closing your eyes; Imagine and visualize yourself saying no and saying that phrase you have chosen
