The way we manage our way of relating to others explains a good part of our ability to enjoy physical and mental well-being. After all, we are a social species, we have evolved to be in contact with the rest of the members of humanity, and a good part of our learning has to do with knowing how to live together and communicate with others.
However, managing to function well in social relationships is not always easy. In interacting with others there are many factors at play, and one of them has to do with our way of finding a balance between what we want to express and what we think others would like to hear from us. Those who achieve this are able to communicate in a way in which they defend their rights and opinions while respecting their interlocutors when expressing them. Those who do not achieve this develop assertiveness problems Let’s see what they consist of.
Assertiveness is, in short, the ability to express those things that we believe are important to be able to say, while empathizing with the interlocutor and adapting our language so as not to generate unnecessary discomfort in them
This means that assertiveness takes into account both one’s own interests and those of those who listen or read what we say. For this reason, it is one of the psychological skills for living in society, since it allows the generation of mutual aid networks in which everyone’s interests are represented in a more or less balanced way.
Learning to develop social skills that incorporate good assertiveness is essential to be able to function well in social relationships, both in personal life and at work. Below we will see why.
How do I know if I have assertiveness problems? 6 warning signs
Many people frequently have problems due to poor management of assertiveness. Of these, many are aware of what is happening to them and seek professional help in psychotherapy, a context in which it is possible to train social skills; However, a very large percentage of these people are either not aware of the origin of their discomfort when interacting with others, or they assume that it is inevitable to always make these mistakes.
To become aware of what it means to experience assertiveness problems, pay attention to this list of signs that indicate that you are suffering from them in your daily life.
1. You prefer to wait hours or even days before saying something you think people won’t like.
If this behavior is systematic and is repeated relatively frequently it is very likely that you have a problematic lack of assertiveness.
2. You create problems by not communicating uncomfortable facts or mistakes you have made
This “strategy” of fleeing forward is very common in those who have assertiveness problems, and are an example of self-sabotaging behavior They only serve to cause the setbacks to be resolved to accumulate, and to worsen relationships by not speaking up when it was time to do so.
People with a lack of assertiveness They assume a passive role in communication, letting others make the decisions or those who express the most important ideas.
4. The need arises to change plans because one’s own interests are not respected.
Another sign that someone has assertiveness problems is found in the tendency to consider good situations that are incompatible with your plans, without even trying to generate alternatives or talk about it with others to seek a situation that best fits everyone’s interests.
5. Passive-aggressive confrontation style
Even when people with a lack of assertiveness express their anger, they do so without directly confronting or speaking clearly about what has bothered them, and they bow to the situation that has caused this discomfort. At most, they will ambiguously express their emotional state of boredom or disgust, and little else.
6. What you say is often unintentionally hurtful.
We must not forget that not all assertiveness problems arise from not daring to annoy the other person; The opposite can also happen, that we barely think about how what we say can be taken When this occurs, communication is altered both by the negative emotional impact of what we have said, and by our attempts to “fix” the uncomfortable situation we have caused, which interrupt the flow of communication.
Are you looking for psychotherapeutic support?
If you want to have professional psychological support to improve your social skills, contact me: I offer sessions both in person in the Malaga area, and online by video call.
