Interpersonal relationships are complex processes, although we do not realize it when we get involved in them.
Before the bond of friendship is completely established, an unconscious selection process occurs that focuses on the things we have in common with other people, this is what is known as “compatibility.”
In this article we are going to review a little how we can go from the unconscious to the conscious regarding the choice of our friends. In other words, Let’s see how to choose friends better so that we can avoid disappointment in the future when we realize that those we thought were our friends were actually not our friends.
Why is it important to know how to choose friends?
It is important to know how to best choose friends, since they represent a fundamental part of life and it is in social groups where we develop in several aspects that are very relevant to our identity. In friendship circles we have the opportunity to live with people who, despite being different, show coincidences that make the emotional bond possible
In order to qualify for adequate personality development, it is necessary to experience what it is like to have a group of friends with whom to interact frequently. For this to be an experience that is not only pleasant but also constructive, it is necessary to know how to choose correctly which groups we interact with.
If we tend to associate with people who have dysfunctional lifestyles, we will eventually have some problems similar to those of our friends. This is because socially learned behaviors are not conscious and without meaning to we end up acting as our social reference group.
Regardless of whether or not we approve of the way our group of friends behaves, if we spend a lot of time with them we will end up replicating inappropriate behavior. That is why it is advisable to be clear about what our principles and values are, and when starting new friendships, ensure we share the same values and styles of prosocial behavior
In conclusion, it is important to choose friends correctly to maintain the development of adequate social behavior, within social norms, and also to avoid the frustration that comes after realizing that the friendships we had chosen do not really suit us.
How to choose friends better
Now let’s look at some tips that will be useful when choosing our friendships.
1. There must be sympathy
No friendship relationship is capable of functioning properly if there is sympathy involved. Even if we have many things in common with the other person If we don’t feel like we like the other guy, there’s no way we can establish a solid friendship, and it’s not worth forcing the deal at that moment. The relationship can flow into future situations, but it is not necessary to give that hypothetical potential friendship one chance after another if there are no clear signs that it may come to exist.
A good way to find people with common interests who can be our friends is to have the habit of mentioning our hobbies and interests in the trivial conversations that we usually have with anyone. We never know when we might run into someone who has things in common
3. Go to different places regularly
When we make a habit of frequenting the same places repeatedly, it is quite likely that we will meet people who do the same, regardless of the reason that brings them to that place. Sometimes, the limitation in terms of the social contexts to which we are exposed means that we do not have many social relationships to choose from, which increases the chances of accepting almost anyone as a friend. The best thing is to vary, to have the opportunity to meet new people ; gym, library, parks, etc.
4. There must be tolerance
Tolerance must be reciprocal, taking into account that despite all the things in common that you and your friends may have, there will always be differences within the bond of friendship. These differences must be managed in the best possible way, within an environment of respect for the ideas of the other.
5. Notice how people treat others
Sometimes, the fact that an individual treats us well does not mean that he is a good person. To avoid making a bad decision when letting someone into our lives, It is important to look at how you treat others, and draw conclusions
6. Start controversial conversations
Controversial and controversial topics They function as a tolerance meter regarding the quality of friendship that others can offer us. If when you discuss sensitive or controversial topics the other person feels uncomfortable or reacts with a defensive attitude, they may not be as tolerant a person as one might expect.
Of course, make sure not to touch on controversial topics that talk about problems that your friend has personally suffered in the past, since irritability regarding these topics may only be due to traumatic experiences and anxiety generated by the concepts discussed.
7. Check if he likes spending time with you
In many cases, people are only interested in our friendship to obtain some specific benefit and then leave our lives, which does not have to be negative as long as people know how to express their intentions honestly. Otherwise, it is better to avoid people who approach you solely for favors.
The ideal is to check if your new friends have time for you from time to time, or if, on the contrary, whenever you invite them somewhere they have an excuse. Not investing time in yourself and only being present to receive some type of benefit is a red flag; So it’s a good idea to start questioning whether there really is friendship.
Do you feel bad because of problems in your personal relationships?
Not all problems related to friendships can be solved by taking measures to choose better friends. These strategies help prevent future problems when interacting with others and placing our trust in others. However, what to do when emotional discomfort arises from friendly relationships that we have already established, or even that are part of our daily life and our identity.
In cases like this, it is advisable to seek professional help. For thoseIf you notice that these types of problems are affecting you, go to the psychologist
