Assertive Communication: How To Express Yourself Clearly
In these times, there is a lot of appeal to communication techniques, a tool that is necessary for the development of society, of the human being as a sociable being and who needs to interrelate in order to survive. Assertive communication is one of the main protagonists for this to happen
Ideology, creed, religion or any type of opinion can be contrary depending on who our interlocutor is, the group we belong to or the social class to which we belong. Even within our identity group we can have differences in thoughts. This is where assertiveness comes into the picture.
We must begin by first defining the concept of assertive communication to fully understand its nature. To begin with, assertiveness is that skill that people have who can say things frankly, directly and clearly about what we think or want to say, but without violating the dignity of the interlocutor and trying to respect their interests and sensitivities as much as possible. It is also a communication style closely associated with good self-esteem.
The fact of applying assertive communication to our way of communicating is based on the idea that we should not “leave anything in the pipeline” if we believe that it is something that should be said; We must dare to take that step even if we believe that it may cause discomfort or generate a certain discomfort (a necessary evil).
All this, of course, avoiding hurt feelings of the interlocutor or the audience, being polite and not belittling the ideas of others. That is why the implementation of assertive communication is so complicated. We all get offended when the other thinks or tells us something that goes against our integrity or thinking. On many occasions, it is the basis of any conflict, whether family or friendship, as well as in the professional field.
In short, assertive communication is the ability of human beings to communicate while respecting others, taking into account verbal ability (debate/argue), non-verbal language (gestures/expressions) and attitude (respect). Above all, we must respect others if we want to earn the same attitude.
How to improve assertive communication, in 8 steps
Some people have a more or less assertive way of communicating built into them, however, it is not an innate quality. Each person’s personality will make us be assertive to a greater or lesser degree. Therefore, below we offer you some steps to improve this skill.
1. Evaluation
We have to identify our oral ability, our style. How do we debate or argue? As with any type of solution, we must identify the problem. What prevents us from being more assertive? The language we use is very important. An aggressive style reduces the complicity of the other. A passive attitude makes us lose ground in the affirmation of our ideas.
2. Learn to listen
It is one of the main requirements to perfect our communication methods. First of all, learn to listen to others, let them express their ideas and do not interrupt them, maintain eye contact and try to show expressiveness All these steps are essential to gain the trust of the recipient.
The most common mistake. You should not challenge the other by showing him that he is wrong, making him see that he is wrong with those ideas that you do not share. Use the “I” as a vehicle for your presentation. Example: “I believe this is so” and not “you are wrong.” This little trick avoids offense or feeling of accusation.
4. Know how to say “no”
You have to know how to oppose an idea or belief with the simple act of saying no. This without having to feel guilty, without making the other see that we deny their ideas. It is simply a way of reaffirming our point of view Although it may seem incredible, an incorrect way of using denial usually leads to destructive discussions.
5. Search for encounters
There are always points in common, always, no matter how confronted a position or idea is with the other, there are elements that can lead us to converge. Searching for common ground is a way of negotiation, to be able to get something positive while avoiding extreme positions. In short, generate a win-win situation. Neither losers nor defeated.
6. Body language
Assertive communication does not have to be exclusive to the use of words or oratory. Body language can play a role that many ignore. Posture, eye contact, hand gestures, smiles they can bring a kind and empathetic touch to the other.
7. Emotional control
This It does not mean that we hide emotions or expressions You simply have to avoid showing them excessively. For example, anger is very difficult to contain when we are angered in an argument or debate, when we are disrespected. You have to know how to overcome these situations, and in this way we will have a lot to gain. Nor should you laugh at others, it shows contempt.
The definitive element to be a good communicator. It is related to the previous point, and often, as human beings, we tend not to accept well the criticism that comes to us from others
It is inevitable, but not impossible. When we are criticized, we must know how to accept it; self-criticism makes us gain trust and respect with others.
