Criticism is part of our daily lives. The key is how we receive and express them, this will determine the quality of our social relationships.
We can count on good social relationships, but at some point in our lives we will receive a critic At that moment we must make a decision, face criticism constructively, or trigger moments of tension that can end the good relationships we have: the quality of our relationships will depend on how we face criticism.
What are the inappropriate responses to criticism?
There are different forms of response inadequate in response to criticism:
1. Avoid it
This first option consists of literally ignore what the other person is telling us: “Well, come on… okay”, “yes, yes or now, now” or the classic “changing the subject…”. The result? A conflict that we leave unresolved.
2. Deny it
Denying criticism Without the option to consider that we may be doing something wrong, it gives us an uninspiring result. The problem remains unresolved and may lead to a discussion that does not come to fruition. Expressions like “But what are you saying?”, “Come on, don’t talk nonsense,” or “What are you talking about?” are totally ineffective. The criticism is still there, and we have not known how to face it.
3. Apologize for our behavior
When the sorry is not sincere, or tries to justify our behavior that is the reason for criticism to the other person, the only thing we achieve is to downplay it and it is very possible that they feel belittled or consider that we are not paying the attention they deserve. Making comments like “You’re wrong, what I actually did is…” or “it’s not that big of a deal…” denote that we are not valuing the other person’s opinion.
4. Respond to criticism with another criticism
Who hasn’t responded to a criticism by saying “Well, you…” or “But you’re the one who always…”. The result is not very constructive, we show our opinion and feelings but in a inappropriate way usually causes significant harm to the other person and leads to a loss of mutual respect that weakens social relationships.
What is the way to deal with criticism appropriately?
It will depend on whether or not we agree with the criticism received:
Yeah we agree with criticism:
- We must pay attention to keen: The tone and volume of voice must be calm and serene, and that must be reflected in our facial expression.
- Ask for details: If we believe that we lack information to be able to give an answer, the best thing we can do is ask for it!, as long as it has not been transmitted to us in a clear and precise way. To do this we can use questions like “What do you think I did wrong?”, “What should I have done?”
- Repeat: in order for the other person to be aware that we are listening carefully, we can summarize their criticism or repeat it, for example “so you tell me that what made you feel bad was…”
- Agree it’s about agreeing with the other person and showing our agreement with their criticism: “You’re right, I put myself in your place and it would have seemed the same to me.”
- Apologize: in the event that the other person has felt offended, or that we believe that we should apologize, there is nothing wrong with that “I am sorry for what I have said or done…”
- Offer alternatives to compensate for the error: in this way the person sees that we are making an effort to solve the conflict that may have caused, for example “I could compensate by doing…”, “I would like to solve it with…”
Yeah we disagre with criticism:
The guidelines to follow are the same although with some variations:
- As for keen We will maintain the tone of voice and the serene and calm volume in accordance with our facial expression.
- Likewise, we will ask details to find out what the person’s specific objections are if you haven’t made them clear previously.
- The repetition of criticism remains unchanged regardless of whether we agree with it or not.
- In this case, we will agree with the critic’s right to have an opinion, even if we do not share their vision of what happened. To do this we can use phrases like “I think it’s good that you tell me the things that make you feel bad.”
- It is in this step that a big difference is observed, instead of apologizing, we will offer our own opinion with “I messages”, providing reasons, for example: “However, I I think…”, “on the other hand, I I think…” In this way we make it clear that our opinion is different from that of the critic in an appropriate way.
- Finally, we can once again show our agreement with the other person’s right to opinion, valuing their sincerity, which will favor the relationship between both and leave the door open to future criticism that may or may not be to our liking, although we must always look for them. a constructive vision to improve our relationships.
Are there good or bad reviews?
These basic guidelines will help you manage responses to criticism received, but we must keep in mind that there are two types of criticism depending on the intention of the person or people who issue it: Constructive Criticism and the Offensive Criticism
The first is, not only positive for our Personal development, but necessary for our learning and way of life. We need the people who love us to tell us not only what we do well, but also what we do wrong, since we are not always completely objective with ourselves, this extra help will give us a different vision of our behavior and also, it will help us. It will help improve our emotional intelligence.
And the second, what to do when one or more people address me with offensive criticism?. The answer is clear, ignore them. Offensive information will affect us emotionally and lead our behaviors towards the negative side, to do this we must learn to ignore these criticisms. An example will be the following:
“It seems terrible to me that you have met your friends to go to the movies and you haven’t told me. You know that I have been working all week and I would have liked to do something on Sunday, and it turns out that when I call you you already have plans. I never “You take into account and it seems that you don’t care about anything that happens to me. You did it to hurt me, you are bad.”
“It is true that I could have warned you, but on several occasions I have done so and you have always told me that you preferred to meet with your friends and make a different plan. On this occasion I believed that you would not want to come with us either, that is why I did not want to put you in touch. a commitment, because I know that on Monday you had to work and on Sundays you like to rest, and it is something I understand.”
I hope that this example helps you know how to ignore offensive criticism, and accept constructive criticism to improve on a personal level and apply the Emotional Psychology
