It is true that human beings have a natural tendency towards cooperation, but it is also true that, at times, we can become very cruel to each other. The frequency with which verbal attacks occur is an example of that. Ultimately, as much as we must live in society to survive, that does not mean that we must always get along, in all contexts.
In this article we will see how to respond to verbal aggression as well as emotion management strategies associated with this process.
Although we normally associate violence only with attacks directed against people’s bodies or property, we must not forget that as sentient beings that we are, words and symbols can also hurt us. Therefore, verbal aggression is a reality, and you have to know how to position yourself against it.
Of course, one of the facets of responsible behavior in this regard is not using these types of attacks against others, but it does not end there. ¿How to respond to verbal aggression when it is directed towards yourself?
In a situation of open hostility in which we are attacked through verbal attacks, remember the following guidelines for action to know not only how to act, but how to act. Below we will see the main guidelines to follow, assuming that verbal attacks occur in a context in which there is no risk of receiving physical or economic damage, in which case we would be talking about a much more serious form of domination.
It is necessary to keep in mind from the beginning that what we aspire to achieve is, fundamentally, to protect our dignity and, secondly, to prevent this type of attacks from being repeated. That means We do not seek revenge or humiliate others goals that are incompatible with the previous ones.
2. Adopt a distanced perspective
In compromising situations like this, it is necessary to adopt a certain critical distance from what happens to us, so as not to get carried away. Part of successfully managing those moments in which we are verbally attacked consists simply of not losing our temper and knowing how to control ourselves.
In fact, sometimes the sole purpose of these attacks is based on the expected effect of making us nervous, so that we cannot think rationally, thereby creating an asymmetry in the power dynamics established in the dialogue. If we stay calm we not only avoid this, but also we demonstrate our strength and self-confidence, something that makes us gain power both in the eyes of the aggressor and in those of possible observers who are not directly involved in what is happening. Do not give signs that self-esteem is compromised, as this may give you more reasons to continue acting the same way.
3. Draw attention to the offense
You cannot act as if verbal attacks were normal, so the first thing is to point out the fact that the other person is already starting from a disadvantaged situation.
In these cases it is good not to focus on how the attack makes us feel, as this can encourage the other person. Instead of this, it is better talk about these attacks as an easy recourse to which only those who are least capable of defending their positions in a coherent and well-founded manner resort. Everyone can use insults or personal allusions that only hinder the dialogue.
Sometimes we forget that verbal attacks are based on totally questionable actions and statements, and we simply focus on the discomfort they generate. But the truth is that through these attacks, the person who sends these aggressive messages is exposing himself, and runs the risk of what he does being turned against him. This is what you have to take advantage of. Ultimately, on many occasions these attacks are a way of masking the poverty of the arguments used.
Thus, it is good that, at least initially, we act as if within these verbal attacks there was content that is worth taking seriously, so that a rigid and dogmatic attitude is not shown that is comparable to that of the other person. In this way, we can briefly explain the reasons why the attacks received are absurd and have no basis.
Of course, it is essential that this step is always taken after the previous one, which consists of drawing attention to the denigrating content of the other’s messages.
5. Show little patience
It is good to make it clear that our attitude is not the same as that of the attacker, but we should not act as if the other person was doing their part to generate a useful dialogue. That is why there is no need to create elaborate responses to each new attack on the other’s part.
If verbal aggression occurs for the second time, it is best to stop seeing this person as a valid interlocutor, and stop paying attention to what they have to say, briefly explaining our reasons for doing this. This is a step that must be taken right after the verbal aggression occurs, to emphasize the fact that this is unacceptable, and that, and no other, is the reason we stop talking to that person.
