Liana Relationships: What They Are And How They Affect Us Emotionally
Some people have trouble ending a relationship and being alone. They do not leave themselves time to get over the breakup and grieve, fearing the emotions that naturally occur in this process.
Relationships that are chained one after another are called liana relationships and they can be a symptom of a deep fear of loneliness. Let’s take a closer look at what causes them and what their consequences are.
Liana relationships are those that are chained one after another, that is, just when a previous relationship has just ended, a new one begins There is not enough time between relationships for introspection or reflection on what went wrong in the previous one.
Motivated by the belief that one nail will pull out another nail, people who fall into liana relationship dynamics They try to avoid feeling the pain of the breakup as much as possible
They are called “vine relationships” because it is reminiscent of what Tarzan did, going from one vine to another. He does not let go of the previous one until he has the other one firmly held to avoid falling. And that is precisely what people who have relationships do, they fear falling into the emotions of grieving a breakup, so they start a new relationship.
The problem is that, no matter how much you believe it, a nail will never pull out another nail. In reality, it will leave it deeper and, the more liana relationships you have, deeper and the greater the pain of each of the failed relationships
Normally, people who fall into liana relationship dynamics They have difficulty managing the emotions caused by the separation of a relationship Not being able to tolerate the feeling of emptiness typical of breakups, they tend to look for another relationship to disconnect from the emotion.
What they don’t know is that, really, it is necessary to feel that feeling of emptiness after a breakup in order to be able to put yourself back together and be able to make a future emotional investment with another person. Furthermore, grieving after a breakup is a necessary process, from which we learn, grow and mature.
Another reason why people can establish liana relationships is intolerance of loneliness They are individuals who have a deep fear of loneliness and who make dating someone part of their way of being.
When they break up, they feel like they lose that part of their identity, they don’t know who they are without a relationship. Since they define themselves as people who date others (for example, the boyfriend of, the girl of…), when they stop being that, their identity breaks down.
It should also be said that These types of relationships have been motivated by the many existing myths around the idea of love, especially about the romantic love that has done so much damage. Many people believe that happiness depends exclusively on having a partner, saying things like “I am happier as a couple,” “you can only be happy with a boyfriend,” “finding love is the most important thing to be happy,” “we are made to be in a couple” and other beliefs of that nature.
Consequences of liana relationships
The first of the consequences of liana relationships is that we deprive ourselves of grieving with the previous relationship This causes us to lose the opportunity to learn and prepare ourselves psychologically and emotionally for other future relationships. Because we are desperate to start a new romance, we stop being selective and run the risk of plunging into abusive relationships.
Going through a breakup is painful. Unpleasant emotions such as sadness, anger and frustration are normal and it is necessary to experience them during the months after the breakup in order to emerge as a stronger person. Pretending not to experience them by entering into a new relationship, even if we do not feel them at the same moment, will cause them to end up entrenching themselves inside us and causing us even more damage when they emerge when, the next time we break up or do not find a partner immediately.
Liana relationships limit our self-knowledge and satisfaction, because we don’t allow ourselves to spend time alone with the most important person in our lives: ourselves. This causes a lack of knowledge because, as we define ourselves through the relationship or make a large part of our identity that of being someone’s partner, we completely forget about ourselves or delve deeper into who we are.
Another consequence of falling into liana relationship dynamics is that we deprive ourselves of growing and learning new skills If when we break up a relationship we immediately start another, we do not give ourselves space to recognize our mistakes and prepare for the next relationship. We will end up dumping the emotions that we have not processed on the next partner, such as insecurity, jealousy and distrust.
How do I know if I am in a liana relationship?
Knowing if you are immersed in this type of dynamics is complicated, but not impossible. Liana relationships are characterized by the fact that very little time passes between them. They are relationships that, Due to their low level of depth, they barely last more than a year, with very few exceptions
One of the traits that most indicates that we are prone to liana relationships is that we see patterns repeated. When we are with the new partner, he or she seems to fill that void that the previous one left us, but in the moments that you are without him or her, the feelings of sadness and loneliness reappear. This can be interpreted as saying that the wound from the previous relationship is still open, that it was not properly grieved, and that we entered into our current relationship too soon.
Another of the aspects that can most indicate to us that we are prone to liana relationships is that We really need to be with our partner, and not only that, but we also want them to go through important moments prematurely For example, as soon as we go out with a boyfriend or girlfriend we want to go meet their family, live together, adopt a pet, take a big trip or even get engaged.
In addition to all these clues that we might be prone to liana relationships, we can find out by finding out if the following three points are true:
