Normally, when we talk about domination and power of some people over others, we are referring to the use of force or economic power, used to bury opponents. Thus, we often overlook that the use of force is not the only way to violate the dignity of people so that they act according to someone’s interests.
In this article we will talk about manipulative behavior ; how it is expressed in social relationships and how it can influence our actions without us realizing it, through unconscious or almost unconscious processes.
When recognizing the signs that manipulative behavior is present in a dialogue or social interaction in general, you can look at these characteristics.
1. The strategic use of blame
A common way of trying to manipulate others is to bring up facts for which the other person feels responsible and guilty, even if introducing that topic into the dialogue does not contribute much beyond making the other person feel vulnerable. .
No one is perfect, and it is very possible that the manipulated person has real reasons to feel bad when remembering those actions they took in the past. However, it is one thing to ask for responsibility for it in a context where doing so is constructive (for example, when asking to repair the harm caused to others), and another to talk about it. only to be in a dominant position in the dialogue and be in a position to demand that the other conform to what you want them to do.
Another common way of negatively influencing the other, typical of manipulative behavior, consists of gaslighting which is based on making the other person doubt their own judgment, so that it seems that they are not qualified to support their point of view.
There are many ways to do this; for example, making him believe that he has issued unfair criticism against someone when this has not been true.
By its nature, gaslighting is difficult to detect at first glance. However, if these types of situations are repeated in which, according to the other person, there are reasons to think that we have been confused or confused on more than one occasion, and this does not happen in our social relationships with others, It is very possible that manipulative behavior is occurring.
3. Interpret the silences at will
People with a tendency to manipulate others do everything possible to create a framework for interpreting events in which ambiguities work in their favor.
For example, they can comment that if at any time during a dialogue they are having with someone there is a longer silence than normal, that is a sign that the other person is hesitant or shy. Although it is quite clear that this is not the case, simply doing this will already have given a precedent that contributes to, even unconsciously, the other person adopts a somewhat more submissive attitude one in which the possibility of maintaining a symmetrical relationship with the other is renounced.
4. Get your foot in the door
Another of the clearest examples of manipulative behavior consists of telling half-truths so that the other person becomes interested in something that they would not have been interested in if they had had all the information about it from the beginning.
In this way, the other takes the first steps to act as the manipulator wants, so that when he realizes that this option is not as attractive as he expected, taking a step back already has a cost. higher than it was at the beginning. And human beings tend to want to justify the sacrifices made, as shown by the phenomenon known as cognitive dissonance.
5. Use references in an interested way
Another common way in which it is manipulated is to praise the virtues of another person whom we are supposed to be like, despite the fact that the circumstances in which that reference lives or has lived are very different to ours.
For example, one can mention the case of multimillionaires who started from relative poverty to try to make us work more, ignoring that if these people are famous it is, among other things, because luck made them exceptional cases.
This is done to damage one’s self-esteem, while creating the need to get involved in the tasks that the manipulative person asks of us.
6. Appeal to a false consensus
Another manipulative behavior is simply assuming that we will do what we are asked, because apparently that is what everyone in our situation would do. In this way, false social pressure makes us fit into the molds of what is expected of us.
What to do to avoid being manipulated?
Although each case is unique, you can follow these general tips to protect yourself against manipulation attempts.
1. Value time
To decide whether or not you should behave as requested, it should be clear that you need time to think about it. Make it clear that Trying to rush you is actually a valid reason to refuse.
Since there is no rush, there is no reason why you can’t ask for all the necessary information. Negative reactions to this are also a reason to respond with a “no” to what is proposed, and this is how you should communicate it. It’s the other person’s job to make you understand the situation, it’s not your fault if it’s not clear to you. Assertiveness is key.
3. Do not tolerate disrespect
Nobody has the right to make us feel bad so that we act as they want. Disrespecting each other is a red line that should not be crossed.
4. Ask for third opinions
This is a very underrated possibility. Asking the opinion of others is a very useful help.
